Mon 27 Apr, 2009
Health officials around the world worked to contain what appears to be a spreading swine flu outbreak early Monday, while one out of every five residents of Mexico’s most populous city wore masks to protect themselves against the virus.
Mexico seems to be the epicenter of the outbreak, where as many as 103 deaths are thought to have been caused by swine flu, the country’s health minister said. An additional 1,614 reported cases have been reported in the country.
So far, however, only 18 cases have been confirmed by laboratory tests in Mexico and reported to the World Health Organization.
The United States stepped up preparations for a possible epidemic of the virus after 20 cases were confirmed, and Canada announced its first cases of the virus Sunday — six mild cases.
How does this happen? How does a deadly virus like this spread throughout the world when we’re living in the most medically advanced period in human history? (I’m sure some people will say the Spanish flu happened during the most medically advanced period in human history, and those people can choke to death on a horse’s cock.)
I have a theory, and it doesn’t involve the Republicans slashing 900 million dollars from the stimulus budget for pandemic preparation.
But before I get to my theory, I need present the facts.
FACT:
On April 16, President Obama went down to Mexico to support the Mexican government in its fight against the drug cartels. During a break at a press conference, the Mexican President Felipe Calderon leans over and whispers to Obama, “Come on Mr. President, just legalized the goddamn drugs so we can end this stupid fucking war. For Christ’s sake, you fucking smoked weed. How bad can it be?”
President Obama laughs and whispers back, “Naw man, I don’t do that anymore. Besides, this drug war thingy is making a lot of powerful people extremely rich. If I fuck with them, then they fuck with me and I can’t fucking have that. But don’t worry about the drug cartels. I’ve got a plan.”
FACT:
Felipe presses Obama for more information but doesn’t get any. Felipe calls Obama a “stupid nigger” under his breath.
FACT:
On April 23 the Washington Post informs the public that the military “lost” a horse virus with a Spanish name. Its symptoms include a mild flu-like illness but can also cause brain inflammation and death.
Now here’s my theory.
While Obama was getting a sloppy Mexican blow job from Felipe Calderon, a team of Navy Seals parachuted into a small Mexican village where the notorious Mexican drug lord Joaquin Guzman was rumored to be banging some 13-year-old girl. The Seals administered the “lost” virus to the entire village through some sort of new C4-like explosion device and then left. The virus takes between 3 to 7 days to infected its victim, giving Obama enough time to cum in Felipe’s mouth and get home before Michelle suspects anything.
Obama then gives out the antidote to Texas, California, Kansas, Ohio, and New York since he knows people in those states will get infected. After those states administer the antidote to the people who will get sick, Obama then will create a massive panic and will swiftly move to create an One World Government which will enslave humanity forever.
I’m just fucking with you. There’s no way Barack Obama would use a chemical weapon to take out a drug lord in Mexico so he could create an one world government. That’s just crazy.
Everybody knows this swine flu pandemic is just a globial cover-up for the impending zombie apocalypse.
4 Responses to “Shit, shit, shit
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Tags: Barack Obama, Felipe Calderón, Mexico, Swine Flu, War on Drugs, We're all going to dieComments (4)
Zirgar says:
I blame Sarah Palin and Rush Limbaugh. I don’t have any evidence to support my claim, I just want to blame them.
Zirgars last blog post..AMERICA’S LONG STORIED HISTORY OF BEING TOUGH IN THE PRESENCE OF FOREIGN LEADERS WE ARE AT ODDS WITH…
Chris says:
Haha. I knew it. I f-ing knew that god-damn zombie apocalypse was coming soon.
Chriss last blog post..Can I please have $1 million?
Phuck Politics says:
@Zirgar – I’m sure Glenn Beck and Bobby Jindal have something to do with this too.
@Chris – And you couldn’t warn anybody?
The government really hates colored people. | says:
[...] So it looks like nothing is going to change. Rich, powerful white people will continue to torture poor brown people. The media will continue to make this a Republicans vs. Democrats issue. And Americans could care less because they are too busy worrying about the stupid fucking swine flu. [...]