I think Jesus just popped a boner |

When he heard about this:

A former Blackwater employee and an ex-US Marine who has worked as a security operative for the company have made a series of explosive allegations in sworn statements filed on August 3 in federal court in Virginia. The two men claim that the company’s owner, Erik Prince, may have murdered or facilitated the murder of individuals who were cooperating with federal authorities investigating the company. The former employee also alleges that Prince “views himself as a Christian crusader tasked with eliminating Muslims and the Islamic faith from the globe,” and that Prince’s companies “encouraged and rewarded the destruction of Iraqi life.”

I fucking love it when religious wackos are revealed to be crazier than Charles Manson. And Erik Prince is fucking crazy. I mean, look at the insane shit he believes:

Mr. Prince intentionally deployed to Iraq certain men who shared his vision of Christian supremacy, knowing and wanting these men to take every available opportunity to murder Iraqis. Many of these men used call signs based on the Knights of the Templar, the warriors who fought the Crusades.

Mr. Prince operated his companies in a manner that encouraged and rewarded the destruction of Iraqi life. For example, Mr. Prince’s executives would openly speak about going over to Iraq to “lay Hajiis out on cardboard.” Going to Iraq to shoot and kill Iraqis was viewed as a sport or game. Mr. Prince’s employees openly and consistently used racist and derogatory terms for Iraqis and other Arabs, such as “ragheads” or “hajiis.”

Jesus fucking Christ. Knights of the Templar? Killing Iraqis for sport? Laying Hajiis out on cardboard? Is this really the shit Jesus taught? Because if it is then why the hell didn’t my pastor teach me about that instead of caring for the poor, helping the less fortunate, and giving God more money so I could get more blessings?

But murder wasn’t the only illegal activity this Jesus-loving fuckhead did. Nope. This sorry piece of nut flesh was involved in weapon smuggling. He smuggled sawed off semi-automatic machine guns with silencers, hand grenades, hand grenade launchers, and illegal ammunition designed to explode after penetrating within the human body in bags of dog food that were flown into Iraq on his private jet.

But murdering whistle blowers and smuggling illegal weapons into a war zone in the name of Jesus isn’t even the best part of the story.

The best part of the story, the part that get’s me harder than Bob Dole watching an episdoe of True Blood and snorting a pile of crushed Viagra off a random stripper’s tit, is how our government gave Blackwater billions of dollars in no-bid contracts to fight on our behalf in two wars that has cost us over three trillion dollars.

Of course you won’t hear anything about that in the news because they’re too busy bitching about the government trying to take over health care, the government running out of money for the successful “Cash for Clunkers” program, Obama being a secret Keyan, Obama being a racist, and Obama hating America because he drinks Bud Light.

So I hope nothing happens to Erik Prince. I hope Blackwater (Xe Services LLC) continues to get billions of taxpayers’ dollars in no-bid contracts. I hope we continue to fight in this stupid fucking religious war. And I hope CNN broadcasts the battles live like they did during the first Gulf war.

Because shit like this is reason why I get up in the morning.

Subscribe to PhuckPolitics

16 Responses to “

I bet Jesus came in his bathrobe

”

1:39 pm, 5 August, 2009 р.
mikeb302000 says:

Thanks PP for a good laugh while getting angry at the same time. This is one of the most despicable chapters of the Bush years, and I’m sorry to see one which Obama seems willing to continue. I can see why you picked your moniker.
3:44 pm, 5 August, 2009 р.
TimGsuks says:

And then there’s Obamas mentor – a supposed “Reverend” Wright who teaches hatred with the guise of God in his heart.

There’s useless doppleganger pricks who hide behind many “good” causes or organizations in an effort to force their own agenda down peoples throats.

Unfortunately we’re so used to expecting the majority of atheists to be complete backstabbing shit bags, it’s always huge newsworthy when any supposed Christian is shown to be one.
3:48 pm, 5 August, 2009 р.
TimGsuks says:

And just for the record, you should get news from viable sources. Not some liberal “global warming alarmist, Obama is godly, lets keep pissing on Bush” worthless site like informationclearinghouse..

Serious dude, you can do better than that…
11:40 pm, 5 August, 2009 р.
ZIRGAR says:

Yeah, Phuck, you lefty bastard. You should go to completely unbiased news media like The National Review, Drudge Report, World Net Daily or FUX News for clear, objective reporting.
6:07 am, 6 August, 2009 р.
Phuck Politics says:

@Mikeb – I hate how the ratio of private contractors to soldiers is 1:1. Thanks Dick Cheney and Donald Rumsfeld.

@TimGusks – Last time I checked Reverend Wright wasn’t killing whistle blowers, smuggling illegal guns and ammo into a war zone, and getting billions of dollars in no-bid contracts.

So you can kindly shut the fuck with that comparison.

@Zirgar – Goddammit…my journalistic integrity is shot. Why did I have to use such a shitty source? Oh well, maybe I can get a job on the Lou Dobbs show now.
5:53 pm, 6 August, 2009 р.
Elizabeth says:

These are delightful people, Phuck, and true patriots (I’m learning from you, fast). So rather than slam them so ruthlessly for their freakin’ crazy and psychopathic behavior, show some respect, please? They are protecting our beautiful white world from thems brown people and other riff-raff.

BTW, wonder what Xe stands for? Methinks execute — but, naw, that would be too cynical and unfair, I’m sure.
9:12 am, 7 August, 2009 р.
Phuck Politics says:

@Elizabeth – I know I need to lay off the white people. Lord knows what will happen to this country once they aren’t the majority. I’m sure every lawn will be filled with broken down cars, and every restaurant will serve fried chicken. It makes shit my pants just thinking about it.

Hahah, if Xe stands for execute then they are the most honest company in America.
7:56 pm, 8 August, 2009 р.
TimGsuks says:

The comparison was about supposed Christians who are fucking assholes. Meaning quite simply that assholes can wear any mask they want, doesn’t say shit about the mask. Which anyone would have understood had they read your comments and mine…

As far as the news goes – FOX is the ONLY somewhat neutral agency. You named 3 totally obscure news outlets and one that gets picked on by libs because its not a flaming liberal outlet like CNN, ABC, MSNBC, CBS, USA Today, Time, etc fucking etc. They are ALL huge media names everyone knows and they’re all heavy liberal biased.

And you fucking libs whine because ONE doesn’t suck your assholes… typical.
1:03 pm, 9 August, 2009 р.
t says:

The comparison was about supposed Christians who are fucking assholes. Meaning quite simply that assholes can wear any mask they want, doesn’t say shit about the mask. Which anyone would have understood had they read your comments and mine…

Oh my god: TimGsuks appears to be an ignorant, masochistic, self-serving philistine who has allowed his understanding of the world to be provided to him by liars and flatterers. His favorite television and radio personalities all transmit precisely the same message to him, ad infinitum:

“You know and understand enough about the world to ensure your own happiness and the happiness of your children!! You’re master of your own domain!! Everything in your life would be fine, were it not for the ‘liberals’ screwing everything up for you! The free market in its purest form is good for you, like guns! Government is always worse than corporate oligarchy, whatever the conditions and circumstances!!! You don’t need to educate to better understand how to relate to the world around you: You need only to be really ANGRY all of the time” when anyone says something that doesn’t make immediate sense to you, because that which you DON’T ALREADY know is automatically something you don’t NEED to know!!!”

As far as the news goes – FOX is the ONLY somewhat neutral agency.

Brilliant! Such penetrating analysis! Or, rather…

…your supposed observation is idiotic.

Cable news isn’t news, period. It’s MTV for senior citizens.

Fox News differs from other cable news channels only in the sense that it is MTV for RACIST SENIOR CITIZENS.

Don’t trust any ‘mews’ organization that spends 97% of its time FLATTERING YOU for thinking the things you already think! That is a definite sign that somebody wants to USE YOU FOR THEIR OWN CORPORATIST ENDS. Like, for instance, the Iraq War. Boy they sure whipped you rednecks up into a GOOD OL’ ROOTIN’-TOOTIN’ FRENZY in order to get us into that war. And look at the great things that did for you and your family!

Time to wake up, you fucking sad yokel! You’re getting tricked. Wake up, before its too late and your son comes home in a fucking body bag. Show some respect to the next generation and stop fucking whining about your dumbass fake problems! Grow some balls and be the first cracker on your block to fucking grow a pair. Seriously: imagine, you could be the first person in rural Alabama (or whatever the fuck it is you live) to think an independent thought!!! You’ll be a local hero!!! Imagine the possibilities!
1:07 pm, 9 August, 2009 р.
t says:

Correction:

The first half of paragraph three, sentence six should read:

“You don’t need to become better educated in order to better understand how to relate to the world around you…”

Regrets, re this.
1:10 pm, 9 August, 2009 р.
t says:

And, of course, “news,” not “mews.”
3:23 pm, 9 August, 2009 р.
Phuck Politics says:

@t – Cable news isn’t news, period. It’s MTV for senior citizens.

My god man, that’s the best sentence I’ve read all week. I hope you don’t mind if I use it from time to time.
5:04 pm, 9 August, 2009 р.
TimGsuks says:

T, you do realize your entire monolog had absolutely nothing to do with what I wrote. Just some self serving podium stand on how angry you are that the world doesn’t work the way you’d like it to.

Actually, you don’t realise… just go back to Mcdonalds and make my burger better next time fry guy…
11:19 am, 11 August, 2009 р.
What? Erik Prince is just doing the same thing the Catholic Church does..except he uses little girls. | says:

[...] Gentle Heavenly Father, please strike down those corrupt ex-Blackwater employees who lied about Erik Prince killing whistle blowers and smuggling illegal wea…. Your prophet does not need his glorious name dragged through the mud while he is protecting this [...]
10:19 am, 20 August, 2009 р.
Blackwater had death squads. | says:

[...] we find out Blackwater killed a couple of whistle blowers, then we find out they forced little girls to swallow soldiers’ cocks for a buck, and now we [...]
2:37 pm, 23 July, 2010 р.
Theo Dobine says:

An individual separate speech with Msnbc inside the Tv show. He still features a seriously difficult immigration plan. He managed to graduate on the Harvard College. At this point he offers their 1 Radio stations Show. He did not like the actual States leader.