This man makes me want to move to Minnesota just so I can vote for him.

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Tags: Al Franken, Health care, Who is the hot chick behind Al Franken
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What else would you call this?

The Obama Administration said today that people who use and sell marijuana for medical purposes should not face federal prosecution. Instead, prosecutors should go after only high level traffickers.

The new Justice Department guidelines issued today to 14 states that allow medical marijuana effectively reverse long-existing stance on the drug. The Bush Administration raided medical distributors who violated federal laws.

Obama’s feeling pressure from his base because he hasn’t fought for the public option, or reformed Wall Street, or closed Gitmo, or stopped bombing the Middle East, or stopped bitching about Fox News. So he does what every politician does when they upset the people that got them elected – he gives them a pity-fuck.

But it wasn’t a full pity-fuck, because there wasn’t any penetration. No, Obama made his base get on their knees, stick out their tongue, and act as his cum sock.

Why do I say that? Because he didn’t change jack shit. He didn’t sign any legislation barring the Justice Department from arresting medical marijuana patients. He didn’t tell Congress to draft legislation barring the Justice Department from arresting medical marijuana patients. And he hasn’t condemned the Justice Department from raiding dispensaries the last time he promised this shit .

So this is just Obama’s go to move when his base is pissed off.

And his base bought it hook, line, and sinker, because they’re praising his name while lapping up his jizz.

Except me. Because I don’t trust this corporate whore, and I only allow people with huge balls to jizz on my face.

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Tags: Justice Departement, Medical Marijuana, Obama, The last link is safe for work, War on Drugs
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S.H.Kang.

Congrats on winning Big Lies: The Right-Wing Propaganda Machine and How It Distorts the Truth by Joe Conason. And here is his/hers favorite conservative lie:

“America is founded upon Judeo-Christian values.”

Which is also one of my favorite lies because Judeo values and Christian values are completely different. I mean, that’s why Christians updated the Old Testament. They wanted to eat bacon.

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Tags: Contest winner, I'm sick as a dog, January Jones, NightQuil fucks me up
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Yes dear readers, I am giving something away for free. Why? Because I want to show you how much I enjoy you stopping by and reading my awful shit. Does that make me a kiss ass? Perhaps. But who cares? You’re getting something for free.

And what is that something? Why it’s a book. Yes, a book. What book? Why the book Big Lies: The Right-Wing Propaganda Machine and How It Distorts the Truth by Joe Conason. What’s it about? Here’s Amazon’s description:

Conservative talk show hosts and newspaper columnists have made an industry out of incessantly deriding the American left, citing liberals for everything from moral decay to bad economic policy to a soft approach on terrorism. Often these accusations are bound in book form and sell quite well. Only one problem, according to Salon.com and New York Observer writer Joe Conason: the charges they’re leveling just aren’t true. In Big Lies, Conason dissects 10 of the most persistent, and–according to him–glaringly incorrect, arguments made by conservatives. Each chapter begins with a quotation (“Liberals control the media and misuse their influence to promote left-wing politics,” “Conservatives are the only true champions of free enterprise”), which is then picked apart using statistical evidence and detailed historical research and rejected. The modern right wing, in the opinion of Conason, is not the bastion of virtue and defender of the common man it claims to be. Rather, it is a calculating and shrewdly efficient group of propagandists fueled by revenues generated by a system that rewards cronyism. Granted, it doesn’t take much to deflate the bombast of shrill political talk show hosts whose very living depends on making shocking accusations about public figures, a couple of raw facts usually does the trick, but Conason offers more than simple refutation, going deeper to challenge the presumptions that generate such platitudes. And he navigates a highly readable and informative writing style that feels more substantive than Molly Ivins and Al Franken but still a lot wittier than Noam Chomsky. Many of Conason’s arguments, like those of his foes, naturally come down to matters of opinion, and published material can readily be found to back up nearly any perspective. Nonetheless, he presents clear and logical points, and his thinking is well supported by both the historical record and empirical data. Accusing Joe Conason of lies (of any size) would certainly be a difficult task.

So how do you get this amazing book? Just leave a comment (with your email address) about which conservative lie you hate the most, and you’re entered to win. (The number of times you comment doesn’t mean your chances of winning goes up.) I’ve leave this post up on the front page until Sunday 8:00 pm est. Then I will randomly select a winner (via a midget, a hat full of numbers, and some scotch) and announce it after I finish watching Curb Your Enthusiasm. It’s that simple.

So good luck.

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Tags: Also enjoy Meghan McCain's tits, Enjoy it, Free Prize, They are amazing
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BECK: When they’re done with Fox, and you decide to speak out on something. The old, “first they came for the Jews, and I wasn’t Jewish.” When you have a question, and you believe that something should be asked, they’re a — totally fine with you right now; they have no problem with you.

When they’re done with Fox and talk radio, do you really think they’re going to leave you alone if you want to ask a tough question? Do you really think that a man who has never had to stand against tough questions and has as much power as he does — do you really believe after he takes out the number one news network, do you really think that this man is then not going to turn on you? That you and your little organization is going to cause him any hesitation at all not to take you out?

If you believe that, you should open up a history book, because you’ve missed the point of many brutal dictators. You missed the point on how they always start.

It amazes me that this man gets paid millions of dollars to say stupid shit like this. And it amazes me that people agree with the stupid shit he says. And it amazes me that nobody cares that he’s a fucking Mormon.

I need a goddamn drink…

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Tags: Fox News, Glenn Beck, Jews, Why won't this man die, WW2
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I’m a huge fan of movie sequels. I love the second Spider-Man movie, the second Batman movie (both Michael Keaton and Christian Bale versions), the second Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie, the second Toy Story movie, and yes, even the second Saturday Night Fever movie.

So I can’t fucking wait until the second Vietnam War movie .

President Obama announced in March that he would be sending 21,000 additional troops to Afghanistan. But in an unannounced move, the White House has also authorized — and the Pentagon is deploying — at least 13,000 troops beyond that number, according to defense officials.

Now, in order for this sequel to work there needs to be slight improvements over the original. And since I’m a fan of Direct General McChrystal’s work, I’m going to offer him some advice.

First, this sequel needs more explosions. Director General McChrystal needs to take a page out of Micheal Bay’s playbook and triple the number of explosions from the original war. That means he needs to drop 21 million bombs on Afghanistan, which will cause the TV pundits’ dicks to get harder than Bob Dole’s dick during a AVN Adult Entertainment Expo.

Second, director General McChrystal needs to make sure more civilians die. People love seeing dead people, so hopefully the number of bombs he’s going to drop will cause more deaths than the 1.1 million civilian deaths caused by the first Vietnam war.

Third, director General McChrystal needs to come up with a plot for this sequel. He needs to decide whether the plot’s going to be about finding Bin Laden or defeating the Taliban or protecting Afghan women or preventing another 9-11. Or he can combine these plots and create a mega plot that appeals to everyone. Something like: “America is fighting this war because we need to defeat the Taliban in order to prevent another 9-11 that Bid Laden is forcing the Afghan women to carry out.”

And finally, director General McChrystal needs a better soundtrack . (Which will be difficult since the first Vietnam War’s soundtrack was fucking badass.) The first Vietnam War soundtrack had Jimi Hendrix, Bob Dylan, The Doors, The Rolling Stones, Creedence Clearwater Revival, John Lennon, Simon & Garfunkel, Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, and The Byrds. What will this Vietnam War soundtrack have? Miley Cyrus? The Jonas Brothers? Lady Gaga? If Direct General McChrystal doesn’t find better music then this sequel will lose more money than Grease 2.

Hopefully direct General McChrystal will follow my advice, and create the greatest sequel in the history of the world. Of course I’m not going to hold my breath, because insiders are saying this sequel is going to be a flop.

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Tags: Afghanistan, This war better be 100 times better than Vietnam, Vietnam part duex, War on Terror, White House
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What are the odds of the Pope following through on this amazing idea?

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Tags: Catholic Church, Pope, Sarah Silverman, This is the greatest idea ever
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