I made it. I survived a semester teaching those retarded, ugly, smelly fuckers. Now I have two sweet weeks of uninterrupted masturbation ahead of me. Goddamn. You know maybe this teaching thing isn’t so bad. I mean, sure, you get paid less than a mid-level call girl, get blamed for poor test grades, get yelled at for giving the kids too much homework, and work more than 50 hours a week. But having a two week break kinda sorta makes up for it.
Anyways, let’s get off of the subject of me and onto the subject of political news. Let’s see what I’ve missed. It shouldn’t be that much. I mean, I was only gone for a couple of days.
Let’s check in on the Fed and see what they’ve been up too.
With the lifting of the “veil of secrecy at the Fed,” in response to a legislative push led by US Senator Bernie Sanders, I-Vermont, reveals that the Federal Reserve gave banks, multinational corporations and foreign financial institutions—many of them with limited ties to the United States—an estimated $3.3 trillion in emergency loans and other forms of assistance during the course of the current financial crisis.
“We now know that the Fed loaned trillions of dollars at zero or near-zero interest rates not only to the largest financial institutions in this country, but also to many of our largest corporations—including GE, McDonalds and Verizon. Most surprising, the Fed also lent huge sums of money to foreign private banks and corporations” says Sanders, who since the 1990s has, with Texas Congressman Ron Paul, Florida Congressman Alan Grayson and a handful of others, been an ardent critic of the Fed’s secrecy, unaccountable financial manipulations and coziness with Wall Street.
[...]
So astounding, in fact, that even the Wall Street Journal is praising Sanders. “The release of this data on some 21,000 Fed transactions over the last three years is one of the rare useful provisions in (the financial reform bill),” writes the Journal, adding, “kudos to our favorite Socialist for demanding it.”
• Citigroup collected over $1.8 trillion.
• Morgan Stanley grabbed $2 trillion.
• Goldman Sachs took $600 billion.
• Bear Stearns received almost $1 trillion in short-term loans with interest rates as low as 0.5 percent.
What. The. Fuck. Citigroup got a 1.8 trillion dollar emergency loan? For what? Having Jamie Dimon act like a passive-agressive housewife? Come on!
It’s okay, Phuck. It’s okay. Let’s look at the bright side. Sure those swine get trillions of dollars for free while every other American has to worry about putting food on his/her table, but hey, you have two weeks off from work. Go check out another story to get your mind off of this one.
Let’s check in on the 9/11 first responders.
Senate Republicans, who blocked a bill to provide care for 9/11 first responders suffering health consequences as a result of their work amid the burning and smoking buildings at Ground Zero, explained themselves with a variety of reasons.
Sen. John Ensign (R-Nev.) said he voted against the first responders bill because Republicans had threatened to vote against everything until tax cuts for the rich were extended and a measure to fund the government was passed.
[...]
“I signed a letter saying we need to be focusing on what we’re doing right now,” Ensign said, explaining his vote to filibuster the bill.
“Plus that was more spending that was not offset,” said Ensign, arguing that the program shouldn’t be funded without cuts or tax hikes elsewhere.
A GOP aide said the two parties were in negotiations aimed at finding the roughly $7.4 billion that would be needed to fund the program, though time is running out in the 111th Congress.
Why the fuck is a smug shit stain like John Ensign able to derail medical care for the people whom he based his entire campaign on? Plus, this guy is a notorious blackmailing wife fucker. And as for finding 7.4 billion dollars to fund the program, maybe you can ask Jamie Dimon for eight tenths of a percent of the 1.1 trillion dollar bailout he got from the Fed.
Again, Phuck, calm down. Remember the 100 dollars you have in your bank account. You’re living the high life my friend. You can walk into any Wendy’s and order anything you want off the dollar menu. Can that homeless man begging at the Shell station near your school do that? Nope.
Let’s check on one more story. A feel good story. Something that will make my balls feel all warm and tingly, but in a good way. I know, let’s check in on those happy-go-lucky gays.
The Senate has voted to end the military’s ban on openly gay troops, putting the final Congressional approval on an end to the disastrous Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Policy. Since Congress passed the compromise bill 17 years ago, DADT has cost the nation an estimated $1.3 billion dollars and ended the careers of 13,000 service members who wanted to help their nation.
FUCK!!!! Look, don’t get me wrong gay people. I support ya’ll on marriage, adaption, and making me feel uncomfortable when I’m jerking off to tranny porn. But I don’t support this. Why? Because this was going to be my “get-out-of-the-draft-free” card. (And the way things are going in Afghanistan and Iraq, you better believe there’s going to be a draft.)
I had it all planned out. I would stand there in line getting my nuts check and having my blood pressure taken and look the doctor in the eyes and say, “I can’t serve in the Army, sir, because I love putting dicks in my mouth.”
But no, now I can’t do that now. Thanks.
Christ, fuck all this shit. I’m going to go spend my 100 dollars on some liquor and drink myself to death.
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