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This baby is smiling because it wasn't born in Afghanistan.

If you said Afghanistan then you deserve to be raped in the mouth by an AIDS-infected silverback gorilla:

Eight years after a U.S.-led invasion of Afghanistan, the country ranks as the worst place to be born, according to a United Nations report.

The United Nation’s Children’s Fund, better known as UNICEF, says Afghanistan has the highest infant mortality rate in the world with 257 deaths per 1,000 live births, and 70 percent of Afghans have access to clean water.

I now know the real reason why we invaded Afghanistan. It wasn’t because of terrorists, or to build the biggest military base in the world, or to see how many civilians we can kill, or to see how many billions of dollars we could waste, or to see how many war lords we could put in power, or to see how much heroin could be trafficked, or to see how many soldiers come home with post-traumatic stress disorder.

No.

The real reason we invaded Afghanistan was to encourage more people in Sierra Leone to have kids since they’re no long the worst place in the world to be born. Because those blood diamonds aren’t going to mine themselves. Isn’t that right, major U.S and International retailers?

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One bomb at a time:

At least 27 civilians died in a Nato air strike in southern Afghanistan, the Afghan cabinet says, revising downwards a prior statement that 33 were killed.

Nato said it hit a suspected insurgent convoy, but ground forces later found “a number of individuals killed and wounded”, including women and children.

I’m amazed at the lack of terrorist attacks we’ve had because of these bombings. I mean, I would strap myself down with enough explosives to give Michael Bay a permanent hard-on and blow up a Walmart on Sunday afternoon if someone I loved was one of the 27 people killed in this bombing, or one of the 140 people killed in the September 2009 bombing, or one of the 97 people killed in the May 2009 bombing, or one of the 90 people killed in the August 2008 bombing, or one of the 47 people killed in the July 2008 bombing.

But that’s just me.

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These kids are excited because they weren't handcuffed and shot in the back of the head.

Doesn’t this story warm your heart?

American-led troops were accused yesterday of dragging innocent children from their beds and shooting them during a night raid that left ten people dead.

Afghan government investigators said that eight schoolchildren were killed, all but one of them from the same family. Locals said that some victims were handcuffed before being killed.

In a telephone interview last night, the headmaster [of the local school] said that the victims were asleep in three rooms when the troops arrived. “Seven students were in one room,” said Rahman Jan Ehsas. “A student and one guest were in another room, a guest room, and a farmer was asleep with his wife in a third building.

“First the foreign troops entered the guest room and shot two of them. Then they entered another room and handcuffed the seven students. Then they killed them. Abdul Khaliq [the farmer] heard shooting and came outside. When they saw him they shot him as well. He was outside. That’s why his wife wasn’t killed.”

A local elder, Jan Mohammed, said that three boys were killed in one room and five were handcuffed before they were shot. “I saw their school books covered in blood,” he said.

The investigation found that eight of the victims were aged from 11 to 17. The guest was a shepherd boy, 12, called Samar Gul, the headmaster said. He said that six of the students were at high school and two were at primary school. He said that all the students were his nephews.

Of course this shouldn’t come as a surprise since the commanding general in Afghanistan, General Stanley McChrystal, ran a rather large death squad while in Iraq.

But what is surprising is how little press this story has gotten in the main stream media. You’d think a story involving the execution of eight school children ranging from 11 to 17 would be a bigger story than Tiger Woods fucking a porn star. I mean, this story has to get Nancy Grace’s dick hard, right?

Oh wait, Nancy Grace and the rest of the media only get hard about children when they are white, middle class, and floating away on weather balloons. My bad.

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John_McCain_Meet_The_Press

Why does the media like this man? Is it because he left his first wife for a younger, richer woman after getting released as a prisoner of war? Is it because he helped create the Saving and Loans collapse in the 1980’s? Is it because he told a funny joke about Chelsea Clinton when she was a teenager? Is it because he suggested the surge for the illegal Iraq War? Or is it because he ’suspended’ his campaign in order to ‘fix the economy’?

The reason I ask is because I need to know why John McCain is on TV every goddamn Sunday. And it can’t be for his knowledge on the issues, because this man is a fucking idiot. Case in point, he was on yesterday’s Meet The Press talking about how we don’t need to withdraw from Afghanistan because we need to “break the enemy’s will” and “win”.(At least that’s what I think he said. I was having a hard time understanding him over David Gregory’s loud slurping noises.) Of course he doesn’t tell us how to break the enemy’s will or how to win, because David Gregory sucks at his job and didn’t ask any follow up questions.

Now I know I shouldn’t be surprised by what comes out of John McCain’s mouth. I mean, this is the man that talked up Sarah Palin as his vice-president and Phil Gramm as his financial advisor. But I am surprised by how many times he’s been on the Sunday news circuit after he lost the presidency.

I guess he’s just the Beltway’s Clay Aiken. Which makes Obama the Beltway’s Ruben Studdard. Which makes Dick Cheney the Beltway’s Simon Cowell.

Which makes me want to kill myself.

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Obama_And_Bush

Meet the new boss. Same as the old boss.

Obama:

To address these important issues, it’s important to recall why America and our allies were compelled to fight a war in
Afghanistan in the first place. We did not ask for this fight. On September 11, 2001, 19 men hijacked four airplanes and used them to murder nearly 3,000 people.
They struck at our military and economic nerve centers. They took the lives of innocent men, women, and children without regard to their faith or race or station.

Bush:

On September the 11th, 2001, we saw what a refuge for extremists on the other side of the world could bring to the streets of our own cities. For the safety of our people, America must succeed in Iraq.

Obama:

We will strengthen Pakistan’s capacity to target those groups that threaten our countries, and have made it clear that we
cannot tolerate a safe haven for terrorists
whose location is known and whose intentions are clear.

Bush:

The prime minister understands this. Here is what he told his people just last week: The Baghdad security plan will not provide a safe haven for any outlaws, regardless of sectarian or political affiliation.

Obama:

Commanders in Afghanistan repeatedly asked for support to deal with the reemergence of the Taliban, but these
reinforcements did not arrive. And that’s why, shortly after taking office, I approved a longstanding request for more
troops.

Bush:

This is a strong commitment. But for it to succeed, our commanders say the Iraqis will need our help. So America will change our strategy to help the Iraqis carry out their campaign to put down sectarian violence and bring security to the people of Baghdad.

Obama:

We must deny al Qaeda a safe haven. We must reverse the Taliban’s momentum and deny it the ability to overthrow the
government. And we must strengthen the capacity of Afghanistan’s security forces and government so that they can take lead responsibility for Afghanistan’s future.

Bush:

Our troops will have a well-defined mission: to help Iraqis clear and secure neighborhoods, to help them protect the local population, and to help ensure that the Iraqi forces left behind are capable of providing the security that Baghdad needs.

Obama:

The 30,000 additional troops that I’m announcing tonight will deploy in the first part of 2010 — the fastest possible pace — so that they can target the insurgency and secure key population centers. They’ll increase our ability to train competent Afghan security forces, and to partner with them so that more Afghans can get into the fight.

Bush:

We will help the Iraqis build a larger and better-equipped Army, and we will accelerate the training of Iraqi forces, which remains the essential U.S. security mission in Iraq.

Obama:

Now, let me be clear: There has never been an option before me that called for troop deployments before 2010, so there has been no delay or denial of resources necessary for the conduct of the war during this review period. Instead, the review has allowed me to ask the hard questions, and to explore all the different options, along with my national security team, our military and civilian leadership in Afghanistan, and our key partners. And given the stakes involved, I owed the American people — and our troops — no less.

Bush:

It is clear that we need to change our strategy in Iraq. So my national security team, military commanders and diplomats conducted a comprehensive review.

We consulted members of Congress from both parties, allies abroad, and distinguished outside experts.

Obama:

We’ll continue to advise and assist Afghanistan’s security forces to ensure that they can succeed over the long haul. But it will be clear to the Afghan government — and, more importantly, to the Afghan people — that they will ultimately be responsible for their own country.

Bush:

I have made it clear to the prime minister and Iraq’s other leaders that America’s commitment is not open-ended. If the Iraqi government does not follow through on its promises, it will lose the support of the American people. And it will lose the support of the Iraqi people.

Obama:

Now, let me be clear: None of this will be easy. The struggle against violent extremism will not be finished quickly, and it extends well beyond Afghanistan and Pakistan.

Bush:

This new strategy will not yield an immediate end to suicide bombings, assassinations or IED attacks. Our enemies in Iraq will make every effort to ensure that our television screens are filled with images of death and suffering.

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This man is a pussy.

This man is a pussy.

I’m going to save everyone from watching Obama’s blow job to the defense industry by summarizing what he will say tonight in one sentence:

I’m increasing the troops in Afghanistan by 30,000 because the military owns me, and there’s nothing you fuckers can do about it.

You’re welcome.

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Obama_Afghan_War_Meeting

A room full of pussies

I wonder what they were talking about:

President Barack Obama called his war council together Monday as he moves toward a decision on whether to add more U.S. forces in Afghanistan.

White House press secretary Robert Gibbs said he’s not aware of any more such strategy sessions being scheduled, the latest signal that Obama is closing in on a revamped war strategy after several weeks of review. Gibbs said the soonest Obama would announce a decision would be next week.

Commanding Gen. Stanley McChrystal has said more U.S. forces were needed to head off a U.S. failure in the fight against Taliban militants in Afghanistan. He has recommended about 40,000 additional troops.

I like to think that Obama and company were coming up with clever ways of telling Gen. McChrystal to go blow a homeless tranny while making plans for getting our soldiers out of Afghanistan.  I also like to think that they were discussion how to spend the trillions of dollars they’re going to save by pulling out of Iraq and Afghanistan on social programs like health care, education, feeding the hungry, and providing housing for the houseless.

Damn, I really need to stop smoking and drinking, because it makes me sound like an annoying idealist.

This is how the meeting really went: Obama got down on his knees and took a load of Gen. McChrystal’s troops right in the mouth. Then he snowballed those salty fuckers into Hillary’s mouth while approving 34,000 additional troops. After Hillary swallowed Gen. McChrystal’s soldiers, Obama and company wrote the speech he’s going to give the American people next week. Then once the speech was finished everybody went home and burned a sack of thousand dollar bills the defense industry gave them in front of thirty homeless people, because the tears of the homeless helps them sleep better at night.

Christ, I need another drink.

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