Could someone explain to me why these cunts aren’t in jail?

Senators who oversee the $700 billion Wall Street rescue package held stocks in many of the banks bailed out towards the end of last year, according to financial disclosure reports released Friday.

According to the reports detailing senators’ finances in 2008, nearly half of the members of the Senate Banking Committee had holdings in financial institutions that have taken funds from the Troubled Asset Relief Program (TARP). The panel has jurisdiction over the bailout fund and other relief efforts directed by federal regulators to save the nation’s financial system.

Nevermind. I know why these pussies aren’t in jail. These twats aren’t in jail because most Americans don’t give a shit about this kind of stuff.

They don’t give a shit about Sen. Tim Johnson having $115,000 dollars in Bank of America stocks. They don’t give a shit about Sen. Chuck Schumer having $50,000 dollars in Morgan Stanley stocks and $15,000 dollars in Citibank stocks. They don’t give a shit about Sen. David Vitter having $15,000 dollars in Goldman Sachs, Bank of America and JP Morgan Chase stocks.

Most Americans don’t give a shit about this kind of stuff because they’re too busy watching that goddamn Jon and Kate plus 8 show. I mean, Jesus fucking Christ, more Americans care about some worthless cunt raising eight goddamn kids than they are about the government stealing their money and giving it to the rich.

But this isn’t surprising since most Americans are to fucking stupid to care about shit like this. And maybe that’s what I need to do.

Maybe I need to stop caring about issues like illegal wars, mutilple bailouts, and political corruption. Maybe I need to stop thinking for myself and let radio and television personalities tell me what to think.

Or maybe I should try to educate Americans. Maybe I should try to show them how bad the government is fucking them over. Maybe I should try to explain to them how issues like gay marriage, gun control and abortion are distracting them from the real problems of illegal wars, mutilple bailouts, and political corruption.

Who the fuck am I kidding? I’m not going to do any of that shit. Besides, do you know how fucking stupid most Americans are? I mean, most Americans thought David Letterman was talking about Sarah Palin’s 14-year-old daughter getting raped by Alex Rodriguez for fuck’s sake.

So fuck all this rhetorical bullshit. I’m just going to continue to do what I’ve always done: smoke weed, jerk-off to some classic 80′s porn, and cry myself to sleep.

You expect me to feel sorry for this guy?

Ernie Casillas lived the good life as he doled out millions of dollars in loans in California. The former banker drove fancy cars and took extravagant vacations.

But with the banking industry in crisis, his job is gone — as is his lavish lifestyle. Desperate for work, he recently swallowed his pride and posted a message on Craigslist: “Unemployed I need a job.”

Get the fuck out of here.  This fucking guy doesn’t deserve my sympathy.  He was a glorified bitch.  Look at his fucking job skills:

“I have over 20 years of experience in sales, telephone sales in a call center, customer service, administrative assistant, cash handling, teller, and many more skills and abilities. Great personality, very friendly, hard worker, very responsible,” it said. “I will be happy to e-mail you my resume. I need a job now. Please call my cell phone.”

A fucking retard can answer phone calls, count money, and suck enough dick to get a sale.  It’s fucking easy.  And how much did this dumb fuck make a year?

Casillas says, he was successful, making about $70,000 a year in the banking industry.

Jesus fucking Christ.  This cunt got paid 70,000 dollars a year  for answering a fucking phone and stroking off a couple of wealthy people? That’s more than teachers in South Carolina make in two years.  What the hell did he do with his money?

I was just living a very good life,” he said. “My daughter would ask me to take her to Las Vegas for her birthday, and we would stay at the most expensive hotels. Every year, this is what she wanted.”

Fuck me backwards.

He took his spoiled cunt of a daughter to Las Vegas every year for her birthday?  He was rewarding her for surviving a whole year by taking her to a city where the murder rate is 1.5 times higher than the national average?  What a fucking moron.   I’m glad this cock sucker is forced to live with his 75 year-old mother.  I’m glad his wife left him.  I’m glad he’s forced to cry himself to sleep each night.  Serves him right for acting like a rich business asshole.

But I don’t want to fucking read about him.

Instead of reading about pussified bank assholes and how bad they’re doing in this economy, I want to read about important shit.

Like how Sarah Palin is rejecting funds that would help teachers and special education, even though the stupid cunt has a retarded child.  Or how Mark Sanford is rejecting stimulus money for education and forcing South Carolina to cut 7,500 teaching jobs.  Or  how stupid Timothy Geithner’s plan is, and how fucked we are as a nation.  Or how AIG’s counterparties are getting paid back in full.  Or how fucking pathetic the American people are for doing nothing about this major ass fucking.

Of course I won’t read about any of these stories on CNN because they’re fucking worthless.  But they aren’t alone.  The entire Main Stream Media is fucking worthless.  Fox News, MSNBC, CNBC, The New York Post, The Washington Post, LA Times, Chicago Tribune, Newsweek, Time, and the Wall Street Journal are as useful as a homeless man’s cum stained boxers.

And do the American people care?  Hell no.  There too busy talking about the new iPhone’s copy and paste feature.

So I’m fucking glad this shit is happening.  I’m glad that AIG gets to hide behind their fucking “We have a contact” excuse when handing out millions of dollars to their executives.   I’m glad that Citigroup and Bank of American are going to need more taxpayer money.   I’m glad that Republicans and Democrats are having a dick waving contest over who is tougher on corruption.   I’m glad that we are sending more troops overseas to fight an unwinnable war.  I’m glad all this shit is happening because you fucking people are to goddamn lazy to get off your fat asses and do something.

And those stupid, gay ass tea parties don’t count.  I hope everybody who goes to those fucking things die from a toxic nerve gas attack – you stupid pussies.

The American International Group, which has received more than $170 billion in taxpayer bailout money from the Treasury and Federal Reserve, plans to pay about $165 million in bonuses by Sunday to executives in the same business unit that brought the company to the brink of collapse last year.

It shouldn’t.  This shit goes on all the time.  The rich and powerful have been cornholing Americans since Ronald Reagan was plowing his secretary in the ass.  So please, shut the fuck up with all this fake rage, because you don’t care.  If you did, you would be doing more than those gay ass tea parties.

I mean, what the fuck do you people think is going to happen with those parties?  That the government is going to change, because a few white people followed the advice of a huge douchebag? Get the fuck out of here with that stupid shit.  Those tea parties are nothing more than a half-assed attempt at outrage, and they shit on the chest of the Boston tea party.

If any of you unoriginal fucks wants to make a statement, make a fucking statement. Take after  Timothy McVeigh , and blow up the AIG headquarters.  Copy Theodore Kacynski,  and mail bombs to the CEOs of Citi, Bank of America, and JPMorgan. Follow in the footsteps of Eric Rudolph, and blow up a trash can on the floor of Wall Street.

Until you’re willing to blow up a hedge fund building or assassinate twenty Wall Street board members, do the rest of the country a favor, and shut the fuck it.  There’s no reason for your faux outrage bullshit, because you fucking people have been electing these greedy, evil twats into office for the past 30 years – you retarded fucks.

And someone needs to smack the shit out of them.

President Obama is stressing bipartisanship when it comes to the $900 billion economic stimulus plan being considered in the Senate, and he may get it — in unity of opposition.

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, R-Ky., said Sunday he “can’t believe that the president isn’t embarrassed about” the stimulus packages that have passed the House and the Senate appropriations and finance committees.

So let me get this straight.  When Wall Street was close to failing and they offered to give Congress the best blow job of their life, the Republicans didn’t have a problem with voting for the bailout.  When the car industry came groveling to Congress and offered to sacrifice their firstborn on the Capital steps, the Republicans didn’t have a problem with voting for the bailout.  But when the American people come begging for help, wearing nothing but a potato sack and clutching their newborn babies to their chest, the Republicans turn up their noses and say, “We want to help but this goes against our ideology.”

What a bunch of shit.

If Republicans really cared about spending money, we wouldn’t be over in Iraqi wasting 3 trillion dollars.  But they don’t.  They don’t give a shit about the American people.  They only care about the rich.

But why don’t people see the Republicans for what they truly are: big, fat, old, white,  I-hate-gays-but-I-get-fucked-in-the-ass-every-night jerkoffs?  Because people are fucking stupid.  They care about how bad they get fucked by their own party as long as they can keep their fucking guns, gays don’t have any rights, and they get to preach about the Sanctity of Life bullshit.

Goddammit I can’t wait till this country goes broke because these fucking idiots are to fucking stupid to notice.  I hope they have to sell their daughters into prostitution and their sons into slavery.  I hope their wives become barren so they don’t produce more stupid fucking kids.  And I hope that the men are forced to sit around street corners, begging for a job that will never come.

I hope all of these things happen since people are too fucking lazy to turn off their goddamn television and read about how they’re getting fucked over.  Oh that’s right, they can’t read because our fucking school system sucks major elephant dick….goddammit we are fucked…

Today marks the day that Barack Obama gets sworn in as President of the United States and since this huge jerk-off festival is costing taxpayers 150 million dollars, I feel like I have a say in what goes on.  So here is a list of things that better happen today or the next time I travel up to Washington, I’m going to leave a flaming plastic bag of my shit on the front steps of the White House.

• Barack Obama wearing an all white business suit that makes P. Diddy jealous.
• Sean Hannity telling Barack Obama’s kids that Santa Claus isn’t real, then licking their face so he can taste their tears.
  
• Barack Obama executing whoever hired Garth Brooks to sing on Monday.
• Garth Brooks being beheaded by Lil Wayne and Jack Black.
• A gay transvestite Puerto Rican midget punching Rick Warren in the nuts then announcing they’re lovers.
• Nancy Pelosi stripped of her Speaker of the House status and pushed down the Capital steps.
• Beyonce giving Barack Obama a lap dance while Jay-z weeps in a corner.
• Dick Cheney getting stabbed in the heart by a homeless WWII veteran.
• The announcement that marijuana is now legal.
• George Bush dying in plane crash.
• Bill O’Reilly getting caught on his knees tossing Barney Frank’s salad.
• Glenn Beck getting hit by a bus.
• News that the new bailout money will go directly to the American people.
• And…Barack Obama agreeing to deport my old computer science teacher because he’s a dick.

Thank God for rich, white men who want to keep our spirits up in this time of economic hardship.

Billionaire investor Warren Buffett says the U.S. is engaged in an “economic Pearl Harbor.”

In an interview that aired Sunday on “Dateline NBC,” the chairman and CEO of Berkshire Hathaway Inc. said the nation’s economic situation is not as bad as in World War II or the Great Depression, but it’s still pretty severe.

What the shit?  Did he just compare our economy to Pearl Harbor then say it isn’t as bad as World War II?  How…how the fuck can he do that?   Isn’t that like telling a beautiful girl who’s naked and bending over not to worry about the wart on your dick because it isn’t herpes?

And why the fuck is that man eating at Dairy Queen?  He’s worth a total of 62 billion dollars, couldn’t he afford something better?  Like Coldstone or Marble Slab?

Stupid me…I get it.  He’s trying to prove that he is just like everyone else.  Well you know what?

Fuck you Warren Buffett.  Fuck you in your old, dried up asshole.  You were the one who said that the first bailout was a “rescue plan for the American economy” as you invested 5 billion dollars of your own money in Goldman Sachs.  Did we hear anything from you when they used the bailout money to pay their goddamn CEO’s bonuses? Fuck no we didn’t.

So the next time you go eat ice cream at Dairy Queen, I hope that homeless guy who always asks for change when you walk by but you pat your pockets and say you don’t have any, breaks his liquor bottle on the sidewalk and slits your fucking throat while raping you in the ass with his aids infected dick.

You know..just in case you survive the throat slashing…you greedy, old fuck.

Nancy, what the fuck is this shit?  Do you think this is cute?  Are you trying to be hip?  Cool?  Trying to show the new voters that you are down with their lingo?

Fucking stop it.

You have more important things to do than put up a video of your fucking cats then switching to Rick Astley singing “Never Going to Give You Up”.  How about putting up a video on YouTube telling the American people why Bank of America is receiving another 20 billion dollars from the government?  Or how about a video telling the American people why you won’t impeach governor bush, even when he admitted he authorized torture?

Or how about you just do your fucking job and leave the rick rollin’ to the people who don’t have a country to shit on, you stupid, old, crusty cunt.

How does he have a job?

Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke said Tuesday that President-elect Barack Obama’s proposed fiscal stimulus package could help the economy, but he added that additional bailouts of financial institutions may also be needed to bring about a sustained economic recovery.

Bernanke, speaking in London, said in his prepared remarks that the nearly $800 billion plan being discussed by the incoming Obama administration and the newly elected Congress “could provide a significant boost to economic activity.” He did not comment on or endorse any specifics of the nearly $800 billion.

Why the fuck is he over in London?  Are they looking for free advice on how to fuck up their country?  If so then they’re talking to the right man. Maybe he’ll tell reporters in London where the previous 700 billion dollars have gone too since it hasn’t done a goddamn thing for our economy.

Jesus Christ the middle class is getting fucked over ,but do you think they care?  Hell no.  They’re too busy jerking off over the Bible while watching Israel drop phosphorus bombs on innocent civilians every hour on Fox News…stupid fucking cum garglers.  I hope their children enjoy the taste of rich cock in their mouth because that’s the only thing they’ll be able to eat since their worthless parents did nothing while the government fucked them in the ass and took their money.

I hope Congress gets behind this bailout and forces it through, but these companies better not get a fucking cent.

Another major American industry is asking for assistance as the global financial crisis continues: Hustler publisher Larry Flynt and Girls Gone Wild CEO Joe Francis said Wednesday they will request that Congress allocate $5 billion for a bailout of the adult entertainment industry.

Is Girls Gone Wild really porn?  I’m pretty sure it isn’t.  I mean porn has to show either a dick and/or vagina getting stroked, poked, sucked, blown, tugged, pulled, spread, fingered, jacked off, or penetrated.  Girls Gone Wild doesn’t have any of those things.  It’s just a bunch of drunk girls getting tricked into showing their tits for a free shitty t-shirt. I can turn on Showtime after 1 am and see that. Unless it’s 1 am on Sunday.  God doesn’t like titties being shown on Sunday.  It’s against the Sabbath.

As for Hustler, I’ve seen one of their videos and it was pathetic. The dialog wasn’t believable; the actors’ dicks were smaller than a cold new born baby’s penis; and the actresses looked like they belonged on a Russian street corner.  It was the only time I had to force myself to masturbating.  And fuck the magazine. I’ve seen two Hustler magazines in my lifetime and both of the center folds were of two girls pissing on the floor.  I’m sorry but that shit was sick.  If I’m going to watch a golden shower, I want to see it live because those things don’t photograph well.

Let these two worthless porn companies fail but don’t penalize the rest of the industry. The porn industry affects me more than Wall Street and the auto industry combined, and I’m not alone. The internet was made for porn. Ask any guy what the first thing he looked up after he got the internet and if he doesn’t say porn, he’s a fucking lair. Shit, my parents were so cheap that I didn’t have a computer until I was in 11th grade but I they gave me WebTV and goddamnit, I searched for porn on that thing every fucking night.  I only found one Gif file where some girl was riding some guy but I beat my dick to that image every night.

So Congress, do the right thing and bail these people out.  For once think of the American people….please….

Since it’s Jesus’ birthday, I thought I would share with you a list of people I hope die in an electrical fire as they sing O Come, All Ye Faithful.