www.youtube.com/watch?v=uIK6draLAkg

H/T to Laci the Dog for this amazing Cracked article. [Cracked]

Sarah Palin’s new book is full of lies? Well color me shocked. [Yahoo]

Rick Perry is fucking crazy. [Democralypse Now]

Just another reason why I hate Sesame Street. [Middle of Nowhere]

When will this happen in the South? [Reuters]

This makes no fucking sense. [Progressive Puppy]

Today marks the day that Barack Obama gets sworn in as President of the United States and since this huge jerk-off festival is costing taxpayers 150 million dollars, I feel like I have a say in what goes on.  So here is a list of things that better happen today or the next time I travel up to Washington, I’m going to leave a flaming plastic bag of my shit on the front steps of the White House.

• Barack Obama wearing an all white business suit that makes P. Diddy jealous.
• Sean Hannity telling Barack Obama’s kids that Santa Claus isn’t real, then licking their face so he can taste their tears.
  
• Barack Obama executing whoever hired Garth Brooks to sing on Monday.
• Garth Brooks being beheaded by Lil Wayne and Jack Black.
• A gay transvestite Puerto Rican midget punching Rick Warren in the nuts then announcing they’re lovers.
• Nancy Pelosi stripped of her Speaker of the House status and pushed down the Capital steps.
• Beyonce giving Barack Obama a lap dance while Jay-z weeps in a corner.
• Dick Cheney getting stabbed in the heart by a homeless WWII veteran.
• The announcement that marijuana is now legal.
• George Bush dying in plane crash.
• Bill O’Reilly getting caught on his knees tossing Barney Frank’s salad.
• Glenn Beck getting hit by a bus.
• News that the new bailout money will go directly to the American people.
• And…Barack Obama agreeing to deport my old computer science teacher because he’s a dick.

Jesus just made the Christian Right cum in their pants.

Israel moved closer to invading Gaza, saying Thursday it had wrapped up preparations for a broad offensive after Palestinian militants fired about 100 rockets and mortar shells across the border in two days.

Fuck yea baby.  Jews versus Muslims.  Armageddon.  It’s about fucking time Pat Robinson, Jerry Falwell, Rob Parsley, John Hagee, Mike Huckabee, Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly, John McCain, George Bush, Sean Hannity, Dick Cheney, Sarah Palin, Ann Coulter, Rudy Giuliani, and Rush Limbaugh were right.

I want to see chaos.   I want to see Israelis soldiers beat the shit out of innocent Palestinians while suicidal Palestinians blow up innocent Israelis.  I want to see tanks and airplanes flying everywhere blowing shit up. I want to see houses burst into flames and bodies flying through the air.

Why?  Because I’m all for people blowing themselves up in the name of a peaceful, loving god.  Plus I want to see how the Right Wing will act.

I want to see them crowd around their brand new 47-inch LCD TV listening to whoever is on Fox News talk about how this is the end of the world. I want to see religious men struggle to run home with their pants around their ankles while they  masturbate so fast that their dicks start to smoke as they think about the destruction their God is doing.  I want to see female Sunday school teachers knuckle deep in their snatch as they get on their knees to tell God how proud they are of Him and ask Him to kill all those who don’t believe that He is the supreme ruler of the universe.

I want this to happen because I’m going to cum buckets when I see the look on a religious person’s face when he/she finally realize that their fucking God is a fake and they brought this stupid, fucking, petty war on themselves.

Then I hope they kill themselves because they’re worthless pieces of shit.  Stupid fucking cunts…

Since it’s Jesus’ birthday, I thought I would share with you a list of people I hope die in an electrical fire as they sing O Come, All Ye Faithful.

People believe this fucking cunt. Goddamnit…will someone please go on his show and tell him to shut the fuck up? Please?

Needs more yelling…

I like watching Stephen Colbert from time to time and I find most of his show funny. Only because he is trying so hard to be Bill O’ Reilly and he knows deep down he isn’t. It’s killing him..you can tell.

But last night I just didn’t get this joke. I know it’s supposed to make fun of John McCain but I believe McCain is right. If you don’t accept an invitation, you are fair game.

Ask my ex-girlfriend how her sex life is after I told everyone I gave her herpes.

Now I bet she wishes she didn’t stand me up that night.

Bill O’Reilly is really angry. I’ve never seen him yell this much since that one time he had to go live. Thank God Bill is mad because now he is giving me the ability to get mad.  My God…I’m getting angrier just typing this out.  I really want to throw this freaking computer out the window…calm down Ron.  WWPBD?  There you go, calming down now….and I’m calm.

Who am I kidding?  I have a right to be pissed and damnit I am.  Sure I really don’t know what is going on with the Fed and their practice of bailing out everyone on Wall Street. I don’t have time for that. Shoot I barely have time to watch Lost. No the only thing I know is that they screwed me big time and somehow Barack Obama needs to explain why before I vote the Palin/McCain ticket in November.

I think everyone should take a moment and thank Bill.  He is a true American.