www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_35KKa3b1c

I don’t know about you, but I’m sick of hearing how fucked the gulf is and how our government doesn’t mind giving Blackwater hundreds of millions of dollars while giving unemployed people the middle finger and how full of shit MoveOn.org. Plus, I’ve got a horrible hangover and a serious case of explosive beer shits. Goddamn World Cup soccer.

Anyways, I’d thought I would post this video of Zach Anner auditioning for Oprah’s new reality TV show. If you don’t find this man amazing then you are the spawn of Dick Cheney and I hope you choke to death on a diamond-studded donkey dick.

I've seen three-year-olds with bigger balls than this man. Wait...that didn't come out right.

Now if only his balls would drop:

The chairman of the Senate Armed Services Committee has issued a strong warning to the Defense Department over plans to award $1 billion in new contracts to the firm formerly known as Blackwater, accusing managers of the private security company of lying to win lucrative jobs in Afghanistan.

Sen. Carl M. Levin (D-Mich.) also cited a history of allegedly abusive behavior by Blackwater employees, including misappropriation of government weapons and hiring of workers with criminal records that included assault and drug offenses.

Levin did not directly say that the Pentagon should cancel its plans for the contracts but urged officials to “consider the deficiencies” in Blackwater’s performance before making a final decision.

The firm’s inadequacies “appear to have . . . undermined our mission in Afghanistan,” the senator said in a letter to Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates.

Levin released the letter Thursday after an investigation by his committee raised questions about efforts by Xe Services, as Blackwater is now known, to seek defense contracts to train Afghan National Army troops.

The company bid for the job through a subsidiary known as Paravant.

In applying for the contracts, Paravant submitted statements saying it had years of experience and a strong cadre of trained, thoroughly screened instructors. In reality, Paravant was a shell company created solely to conceal Xe’s involvement and to avoid what one executive with the firm “called the ‘baggage’ associated with the Blackwater name,” according to a statement issued by Levin’s office.

Come on Carl, what’s so difficult with saying: “Blackwater/Xe/Paravant/whatever the hell their name is today shouldn’t get another fucking cent of taxpayers’ money because they’ve engaged in child prostitution, gun smuggling, murder, fraud, graymailing, and torture”?

Carl is just throwing his supporters a bone. Because if he really wanted to stop Blackwater from receiving taxpayers’ money he would use his power as Chairman of the Senate Committee on Armed Services instead of writing a goddamn pussified letter to the Pentagon.

I hope this man chokes on a dick.

And I’m sure they’ll get it:

Blackwater Worldwide’s legal woes haven’t dimmed the company’s prospects in Afghanistan, where it’s a contender to be a key part of President Barack Obama’s strategy for stabilizing the country.

Now called Xe Services, the company is in the running for a Pentagon contract potentially worth $1 billion to train Afghanistan’s troubled national police force. Xe has been shifting to training, aviation and logistics work after its security guards were accused of killing unarmed Iraqi civilians more than two years ago.

How the fuck are these cunts still receiving billion dollar contracts? I mean, they’ve smuggled guns into war-torn countries, forced children into prostitution, killed hundreds of innocent civilians, and committed massive corruption and secret assassinations.

Silly me, Americans don’t give a shit about organizations that force children to suck dick for a dollar. They only give a shit about organizations that help low income people vote and afford houses.

This country is so ass-fucking-backwards…

Is it sad that this doesn’t surprise me?

Top executives at Blackwater Worldwide authorized secret payments of about $1 million to Iraqi officials that were intended to silence their criticism and buy their support after a September 2007 episode in which Blackwater security guards fatally shot 17 Iraqi civilians in Baghdad, according to former company officials.

Of course it isn’t. Why? Because this is what Blackwater does. They take billions of taxpayers’ dollars in no-bid contracts, kill hundreds of innocent Iraqi civilians, and then bribe those Iraqi civilians they didn’t kill with, you guessed it, taxpayers’ dollars.

But they aren’t alone. KBR, Halliburton, Dyncorp, and Boeing do it too. They all use taxpayers’ dollars to get rich and fuck over Americans.

Yet people don’t care. They don’t care about the billions given to all of these corrupt business. They don’t care about human trafficking, gun trafficking, child prostitution, torture, rape, and murder being committed in their name.

But they do care about ACORN. And they do care about a retarded Alaskan politician that says the government is trying to kill old people.

Which is sad, because I find killing old people a fantastic idea.

Bunch of corporate whores

Here’s a list of things you can investigate after you’re done crucifying ACORN for failing to recognize a fake pimp:

• Blackwater
• KBR
• Halliburton
• Triple Canopy
• Boeing
• Lockheed Martin
• Federal Reserve
• Wall Street Bailout
• Goldman Sachs
• AIG
• Bank of America
• Citigroup
• CIA torture program
• Politicization of the Department of Justice
• Betsy McCaughey
• Karl Rove
• WMD in Iraq
• 9 billion dollars lost in Iraq
• Cheney’s Energy Task Force Meeting

Of course you aren’t going to investigate any of these things because you”re too busy destroying an organization that’s received 53 million dollars over 15 years and helps poor colored people.

First we find out Blackwater killed a couple of whistle blowers, then we find out they forced little girls to swallow soldiers’ cocks for a buck, and now we find out they were apart of the CIA’s assassination program.

The New York Times quotes current and ex-government officials as saying Blackwater helped the CIA with planning, training and surveillance.

The New York Times reports that the CIA did not have a formal contract with Blackwater for the programme to locate and kill senior members of al-Qaeda.

Instead, they had individual agreements with top officials in the firm, the paper goes on to say.

Where’s the outrage? Where are the angry mobs filling Congressional town halls and asking questions like: “Why do you continue to give my money to these evil, hateful Nazi companies? Why does Obama continue to fund these Nazi-like companies that rape and murder innocent civilians? Why do you support Obama when it comes to his Nazi military plan in Iraq? Why are you a Nazi appeaser? Why do you hate this country?”

Oh, that’s right, it’s because they’re too fucking busy bitching about the government wanting to use their tax dollars to help the sick. They’re too fucking busy screaming random shit about “death panels” and “rationing programs” to care about the billions of dollars being given to companies who are allowed to kill anyone they want without repercussions. They’re too fucking busy bitching about how America has the best health care in the world, if we don’t count France, Italy, San Marino, Andorra, Malta, Singapore, Spain, Oman, Austria, Japan, Norway, Portugal, Monaco, Greece, Iceland, Luxembourg, Netherlands, United Kingdom, Ireland, Switzerland, Belgium, Colombia, Sweden, Cyprus, Germany, Saudi Arabia, United Arab Emirates, Israel, Morocco, Canada, Finland, Australia, Chile, Denmark, Dominica, and Costa Rica.

And they’re too fucking busy screaming “Heil Hitler” at a Jewish guy who’s talking about how great universal health care is.

Only in America will people scream and shout at their government for wanting to provide health care for poor people, yet sit with their thumbs up their asses when their government hands out billions of dollars in no-bid contracts to companies that smuggle illegal weapons into war zones, force innocent girls into prostitution, and form small assassination squads.

But I can’t understand you with all those Blackwater soldiers’ balls in your mouth.

The declarations describe Blackwater as “having young girls provide oral sex to Enterprise members in the ‘Blackwater Man Camp’ in exchange for one American dollar.” They add even though Prince frequently visited this camp, he “failed to stop the ongoing use of prostitutes, including child prostitutes, by his men.”

So Erik Prince let Blackwater soldiers’ shove their balls into little girls’ mouths for one American dollar. Big deal. Catholic priests did the same thing to little boys, yet I don’t see any outrage from the Obama administration. So can’t we just brush this thing under the Constitution? Because I don’t want the wrath of God brought upon America if the Obama administration terminates Blackwater’s contracts.

I know, I’ll pray for Erik Prince, his company, and America.

Dear All-Powerful God,

Please continue to grant Blackwater billions of dollars in taxpayers’ money in order to protect this great nation from blood thirsty Muslim terrorist. Please don’t let that evil cock sucking Obama use his Kenyan voodoo magic to trick Congress into terminating those contracts.

And Gentle Heavenly Father, please strike down those corrupt ex-Blackwater employees who lied about Erik Prince killing whistle blowers and smuggling illegal weapons into a war zone. Your prophet does not need his glorious name dragged through the mud while he is protecting this beautiful country You gave us.

In Your Name I pray…Amen.

Alright, I feel good about that prayer. I feel like God is going to do everything I asked. All I have to do now is  sit back and wait for His holy light to shine on Blackwater and….wait..what’s that Lord? Really? Praise Your Name!!!

Just days before two former Blackwater employees alleged in sworn statements filed in federal court that the company’s owner, Erik Prince, “views himself as a Christian crusader tasked with eliminating Muslims and the Islamic faith from the globe,” the Obama administration extended a contract with Blackwater for more than $20 million for “security services” in Iraq, according to federal contract data obtained by The Nation. The State Department contract is scheduled to run through September 3.

See, God always answers the prayers of those who pray for the rich and politically connected.

And this goes to show you that God doesn’t want America to have universal health care. Because if He did He would force the Obama administration to terminate those contracts and pull out of the Middle East…which isn’t going to happen. Because if there’s one thing God hates more than Muslims it’s helping poor people get health care.

When he heard about this:

A former Blackwater employee and an ex-US Marine who has worked as a security operative for the company have made a series of explosive allegations in sworn statements filed on August 3 in federal court in Virginia. The two men claim that the company’s owner, Erik Prince, may have murdered or facilitated the murder of individuals who were cooperating with federal authorities investigating the company. The former employee also alleges that Prince “views himself as a Christian crusader tasked with eliminating Muslims and the Islamic faith from the globe,” and that Prince’s companies “encouraged and rewarded the destruction of Iraqi life.”

I fucking love it when religious wackos are revealed to be crazier than Charles Manson. And Erik Prince is fucking crazy. I mean, look at the insane shit he believes:

Mr. Prince intentionally deployed to Iraq certain men who shared his vision of Christian supremacy, knowing and wanting these men to take every available opportunity to murder Iraqis. Many of these men used call signs based on the Knights of the Templar, the warriors who fought the Crusades.

Mr. Prince operated his companies in a manner that encouraged and rewarded the destruction of Iraqi life. For example, Mr. Prince’s executives would openly speak about going over to Iraq to “lay Hajiis out on cardboard.” Going to Iraq to shoot and kill Iraqis was viewed as a sport or game. Mr. Prince’s employees openly and consistently used racist and derogatory terms for Iraqis and other Arabs, such as “ragheads” or “hajiis.”

Jesus fucking Christ. Knights of the Templar? Killing Iraqis for sport? Laying Hajiis out on cardboard? Is this really the shit Jesus taught? Because if it is then why the hell didn’t my pastor teach me about that instead of caring for the poor, helping the less fortunate, and giving God more money so I could get more blessings?

But murder wasn’t the only illegal activity this Jesus-loving fuckhead did. Nope. This sorry piece of nut flesh was involved in weapon smuggling. He smuggled sawed off semi-automatic machine guns with silencers, hand grenades, hand grenade launchers, and illegal ammunition designed to explode after penetrating within the human body in bags of dog food that were flown into Iraq on his private jet.

But murdering whistle blowers and smuggling illegal weapons into a war zone in the name of Jesus isn’t even the best part of the story.

The best part of the story, the part that get’s me harder than Bob Dole watching an episdoe of True Blood and snorting a pile of crushed Viagra off a random stripper’s tit, is how our government gave Blackwater billions of dollars in no-bid contracts to fight on our behalf in two wars that has cost us over three trillion dollars.

Of course you won’t hear anything about that in the news because they’re too busy bitching about the government trying to take over health care, the government running out of money for the successful “Cash for Clunkers” program, Obama being a secret Keyan, Obama being a racist, and Obama hating America because he drinks Bud Light.

So I hope nothing happens to Erik Prince. I hope Blackwater (Xe Services LLC) continues to get billions of taxpayers’ dollars in no-bid contracts. I hope we continue to fight in this stupid fucking religious war. And I hope CNN broadcasts the battles live like they did during the first Gulf war.

Because shit like this is reason why I get up in the morning.