I don’t know about you, but I’m sick of hearing how fucked the gulf is and how our government doesn’t mind giving Blackwater hundreds of millions of dollars while giving unemployed people the middle finger and how full of shit MoveOn.org. Plus, I’ve got a horrible hangover and a serious case of explosive beer shits. Goddamn World Cup soccer.

Anyways, I’d thought I would post this video of Zach Anner auditioning for Oprah’s new reality TV show. If you don’t find this man amazing then you are the spawn of Dick Cheney and I hope you choke to death on a diamond-studded donkey dick.

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Tags: Blackwater, BP, Congress, Gulf of Mexico, This Man Is Funny As Shit
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And their slaves have responded:

The oil and gas industry measure by Senator Bernie Sanders, a Vermont independent, failed to muster even a simple 51-vote majority, although 60 votes were needed to pass it.

It was offered as an amendment to a bill that would extend unemployment insurance for hundreds of thousands of jobless workers whose benefits ran out last month and also renew a set of popular business tax breaks.

The bill faces a key procedural vote on Wednesday, but it appears doubtful that Democratic leaders will be able to muster the 60 votes needed to advance the bill to a final vote.

Only 35 senators backed the Sanders’ amendment as a number of Democrats joined the Republican opposition to defeat it.

Sanders argued that big oil companies making billions in profits do not deserve the tax breaks at a time when the nation is facing record budget deficits and rising debt.

“With a record-breaking $13 trillion national debt and an unsustainable federal deficit, the last thing we should be doing is giving tax breaks to oil and gas companies that have been making enormous profits,” Sanders said.

Opponents argued that removing the breaks for oil and gas drilling would hurt small producers as well as big oil companies.

Sure, our government could take that 35 billion dollars and give it to the people who’ve gotten fucked over in the BP oil spill, but we can’t have them getting rich off of taxpayer money. I mean, who the fuck do they think they are? Oil companies?

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Tags: BP, Congress, Oil Companies Own Us All, Oil Spill
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This made me shit my pants in anger:

Last week, White House officials quietly approached leading financial firms seeking formal letters of support for a Congressional overhaul of financial regulations. One Wall Street powerhouse was left off the list: Goldman Sachs.

Given the government’s lawsuit against Goldman, “the message,” said a financial industry executive involved in the discussions about the White House solicitation, “was that Goldman’s opinion doesn’t matter and that it would be negative if Goldman was supportive of what we were doing.”

Can you imagine White House officials approaching rapists seeking formal letters of support for tougher rape laws? What about approaching murders seeking formal letters of support for tougher murder laws? Or approaching drug users seeking formal letters of support for tougher drug laws?

Fuck no.

Then why the hell does our government feel the need to ask Wall Street for their permission to pass tougher financial laws?

Oh, I see. It all makes sense now.

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Tags: Congress, Fucking pussies, Obama, Wall Street, You Can Do Anything If You're Rich Enough
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Tags: Chuck Grassley, Chuck Grassley has a very smooth forehead, Congress, Socialist, What's happened to America
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Congress has read  my list and has decided to do something about it.

Going after ACORN may be like shooting fish in a barrel lately — but jumpy lawmakers used a bazooka to do it last week and may have blown up some of their longtime allies in the process.

The congressional legislation intended to defund ACORN, passed with broad bipartisan support, is written so broadly that it applies to “any organization” that has been charged with breaking federal or state election laws, lobbying disclosure laws, campaign finance laws or filing fraudulent paperwork with any federal or state agency. It also applies to any of the employees, contractors or other folks affiliated with a group charged with any of those things.

In other words, the bill could plausibly defund the entire military-industrial complex. Whoops.

After Congress defunds ACORN for indulging two rich whites kids, they’re going to go after Lockheed Martin and Northrop Gumman for fraud; Blackwater for weapon smuggling, child prostitution, and murder; Halliburton and KBR for murder, fraud, human trafficking, and prostitution; Dyncorp for sex slavery; and Triple Canopy for fraud and murder.

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Tags: Congress, I love it when Congress fucks up, Military-industrial complex, This is a good congressional fuck up
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Here’s a list of things you can investigate after you’re done crucifying ACORN for failing to recognize a fake pimp:

• Blackwater
• KBR
• Halliburton
• Triple Canopy
• Boeing
• Lockheed Martin
• Federal Reserve
• Wall Street Bailout
• Goldman Sachs
• AIG
• Bank of America
• Citigroup
• CIA torture program
• Politicization of the Department of Justice
• Betsy McCaughey
• Karl Rove
• WMD in Iraq
• 9 billion dollars lost in Iraq
• Cheney’s Energy Task Force Meeting

Of course you aren’t going to investigate any of these things because you”re too busy destroying an organization that’s received 53 million dollars over 15 years and helps poor colored people.

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Tags: ACORN, Blackwater, Congress, Congress hates poor colored people, Dick Cheney, KBR
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Because why else would he be doing this?

U.S. Rep. Mark Kirk will call for legislation Monday that would toughen drug trafficking laws regarding a highly-potent form of marijuana, with penalties of up to 25 years in prison for a 1st-time offense.

The law would target offenders who sell or distribute marijuana that has a THC content exceeding 15 percent, which is between 5 and 10 percent higher than average marijuana, according to Kirk’s office. THC, or tetrahydrocannabinol, is the main active ingredient in marijuana.

I like this law. I like the message it sends to drug dealers. It lets them know that we’re sick of losing the War on Drugs, and we will not stand around with our thumbs up our asses while they destroy our magnificent country one dime bag at a…I’m sorry, I can’t do this.

This  is a stupid fucking law. 25 years in jail for first time offenders? For selling a little bit of pot? Really? Shouldn’t this be for pot dealers that kill people or pot dealers that rape people or pot dealers that kill then rape people? I mean, isn’t this legislation a bit excessive?

What the fuck am I talking about? Of course it isn’t. It’s pot dealers that are destroying this country.

Because of pot dealers millions of Americans are out of work, homeless, and uninsured. Because of pot dealers thousands of American soldiers and hundreds of thousands of Iraqi citizens have been killed in a senseless war. Because of pot dealers companies with political connections are getting billions of American taxpayers’ dollars through no-bid contracts. Because of pot dealers the Federal Reserve can’t account for 9 trillion dollars. Because of pot dealers our government had to bailout Wall Street, take over GM, and torture detainees.

So I’m sorry Mr. Kirk. I forgot you are a man on a mission sent from God. Please continue to call for legislation that would make Stalin cream his pants. Because the sooner we get those sorry pot dealers in jail, the sooner our country and way of life will improve.

Update: Thanks Zirgar for pointing out how incredibly stupid Mark Kirk is.

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Tags: Congress, Iraq, Marijuana, Mark Kirk, This guy is a fucking moron, War on Drugs
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