But I can’t understand you with all those Blackwater soldiers’ balls in your mouth.

The declarations describe Blackwater as “having young girls provide oral sex to Enterprise members in the ‘Blackwater Man Camp’ in exchange for one American dollar.” They add even though Prince frequently visited this camp, he “failed to stop the ongoing use of prostitutes, including child prostitutes, by his men.”

So Erik Prince let Blackwater soldiers’ shove their balls into little girls’ mouths for one American dollar. Big deal. Catholic priests did the same thing to little boys, yet I don’t see any outrage from the Obama administration. So can’t we just brush this thing under the Constitution? Because I don’t want the wrath of God brought upon America if the Obama administration terminates Blackwater’s contracts.

I know, I’ll pray for Erik Prince, his company, and America.

Dear All-Powerful God,

Please continue to grant Blackwater billions of dollars in taxpayers’ money in order to protect this great nation from blood thirsty Muslim terrorist. Please don’t let that evil cock sucking Obama use his Kenyan voodoo magic to trick Congress into terminating those contracts.

And Gentle Heavenly Father, please strike down those corrupt ex-Blackwater employees who lied about Erik Prince killing whistle blowers and smuggling illegal weapons into a war zone. Your prophet does not need his glorious name dragged through the mud while he is protecting this beautiful country You gave us.

In Your Name I pray…Amen.

Alright, I feel good about that prayer. I feel like God is going to do everything I asked. All I have to do now is  sit back and wait for His holy light to shine on Blackwater and….wait..what’s that Lord? Really? Praise Your Name!!!

Just days before two former Blackwater employees alleged in sworn statements filed in federal court that the company’s owner, Erik Prince, “views himself as a Christian crusader tasked with eliminating Muslims and the Islamic faith from the globe,” the Obama administration extended a contract with Blackwater for more than $20 million for “security services” in Iraq, according to federal contract data obtained by The Nation. The State Department contract is scheduled to run through September 3.

See, God always answers the prayers of those who pray for the rich and politically connected.

And this goes to show you that God doesn’t want America to have universal health care. Because if He did He would force the Obama administration to terminate those contracts and pull out of the Middle East…which isn’t going to happen. Because if there’s one thing God hates more than Muslims it’s helping poor people get health care.

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Tags: Blackwater, Child Prostitution, Erik Prince, Erik Prince is Catholic, I'm sure the Pope approves this, Religion
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When he heard about this:

A former Blackwater employee and an ex-US Marine who has worked as a security operative for the company have made a series of explosive allegations in sworn statements filed on August 3 in federal court in Virginia. The two men claim that the company’s owner, Erik Prince, may have murdered or facilitated the murder of individuals who were cooperating with federal authorities investigating the company. The former employee also alleges that Prince “views himself as a Christian crusader tasked with eliminating Muslims and the Islamic faith from the globe,” and that Prince’s companies “encouraged and rewarded the destruction of Iraqi life.”

I fucking love it when religious wackos are revealed to be crazier than Charles Manson. And Erik Prince is fucking crazy. I mean, look at the insane shit he believes:

Mr. Prince intentionally deployed to Iraq certain men who shared his vision of Christian supremacy, knowing and wanting these men to take every available opportunity to murder Iraqis. Many of these men used call signs based on the Knights of the Templar, the warriors who fought the Crusades.

Mr. Prince operated his companies in a manner that encouraged and rewarded the destruction of Iraqi life. For example, Mr. Prince’s executives would openly speak about going over to Iraq to “lay Hajiis out on cardboard.” Going to Iraq to shoot and kill Iraqis was viewed as a sport or game. Mr. Prince’s employees openly and consistently used racist and derogatory terms for Iraqis and other Arabs, such as “ragheads” or “hajiis.”

Jesus fucking Christ. Knights of the Templar? Killing Iraqis for sport? Laying Hajiis out on cardboard? Is this really the shit Jesus taught? Because if it is then why the hell didn’t my pastor teach me about that instead of caring for the poor, helping the less fortunate, and giving God more money so I could get more blessings?

But murder wasn’t the only illegal activity this Jesus-loving fuckhead did. Nope. This sorry piece of nut flesh was involved in weapon smuggling. He smuggled sawed off semi-automatic machine guns with silencers, hand grenades, hand grenade launchers, and illegal ammunition designed to explode after penetrating within the human body in bags of dog food that were flown into Iraq on his private jet.

But murdering whistle blowers and smuggling illegal weapons into a war zone in the name of Jesus isn’t even the best part of the story.

The best part of the story, the part that get’s me harder than Bob Dole watching an episdoe of True Blood and snorting a pile of crushed Viagra off a random stripper’s tit, is how our government gave Blackwater billions of dollars in no-bid contracts to fight on our behalf in two wars that has cost us over three trillion dollars.

Of course you won’t hear anything about that in the news because they’re too busy bitching about the government trying to take over health care, the government running out of money for the successful “Cash for Clunkers” program, Obama being a secret Keyan, Obama being a racist, and Obama hating America because he drinks Bud Light.

So I hope nothing happens to Erik Prince. I hope Blackwater (Xe Services LLC) continues to get billions of taxpayers’ dollars in no-bid contracts. I hope we continue to fight in this stupid fucking religious war. And I hope CNN broadcasts the battles live like they did during the first Gulf war.

Because shit like this is reason why I get up in the morning.

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Tags: Blackwater, Erik Prince, Fuck Religion, I think Jesus just popped a boner, Religious wars, Xe Services LLC
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