Mon 6 Apr, 2009
I was starting to worry President Obama didn’t care about my nonexistent child’s safety.
The Cybersecurity Act of 2009 introduced in the Senate would allow the president to shut down private Internet networks. The legislation also calls for the government to have the authority to demand security data from private networks without regard to any provision of law, regulation, rule or policy restricting such access.
Thank the invisible man in the sky. I was starting to worry. I mean, what would happen if some pimple faced Chinese teenager decided to hack into the mainframe of the Department of Defense, and steal all our secret weapon designs? How would we be able to defeat the Chinese in WW3 when they’re using the same weapons we are? Or what would happen if some creepy Russian child prodigy decided to shut off our electricity and force us to live like the majority of Iraqis? How will we live without being able to get on our computer to see which up-and-coming Hollywood celebrity has a new sex tape? Or what would happen if some poor Indian boy decided to shut down our banking system and force millions of Americans out of their jobs? How would we be able to afford that seventh iPhone or the new Macbook?
I’ll tell you want would happen – we’d be running around naked in the streets screaming, “Holy fucking shit. We are so fucked right now. I’m so scared about my safety that I just shat myself. We are all going to die.”
There’s no way we can let this happen. For God’s sake, we’re talking about National Security here. The entire American population is under attack every day from these crazy freedom-hating bastards. And what’s the only thing stopping these attacks? Windows defender? Please.
We need something stronger. We need something that will protect us from everything. Something that will be awake and alert when we are asleep. Something that will know what’s best for us, even when we don’t. Our government knows this and that’s why they’re creating a position with ultimate power over the internet to protect us from those bastards who hate us.
So I hope this law passes.
In fact – I pray this law passes. Because I don’t know what I would do if my country, the greatest, bestest, freest, lovingest, caringest, amazingest, beautifulest, wonderfulest, most God -fearingest place on the face of the Earth, would come under attack. I…I just don’t want to think about it.
(Ed. note – Here’s the last link for my 3 international readers.)
Tags: Barack Obama, Congress, Fuck this sucks, Hope they don't mess with porn, Internet, Serious Business
Comments (7)
