Can you spot the difference between these two pictures?  If you said no because both pictures are religious propaganda then give yourself a fucking hand.

In a lengthy article on Donald Rumsfeld’s rocky tenure as Defense Secretary, GQ published never-before-seen cover sheets from top-secret intelligence briefings produced by Rumsfeld’s Pentagon. Starting in the days surrounding the U.S. invasion of Iraq, the cover sheets featured inspirational Bible verses printed over military images, “and were delivered by Rumsfeld himself to the White House” to the president, “who referred to America’s war on terror as a ‘crusade,’” GQ writes. (view the images here)

Not only were our soldiers handing out Bibles while slaughtering hundreds of innocent civilians, but our former president was getting daily military briefings with retarded Bible Verses and military images on the front page.  What retarded Bible Verses were used you ask?  These award winners:

Teir arrows are sharp, all their bows are strung; their horses’ hoofs seem like flint, their chariot wheels are like a whirl wind. Isaiah 5:28

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Ephesians 6:13

Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. Proverbs 16:3

But the award for “Most Retarded Bible Verse That Graced the Cover of a Top Secret Military Briefing Given to George W. Bush” is:

It is God’s will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish men. 1 Peter 2:15

This is a bad dream right?  I mean, there’s no way the former President of the Untied States and his administration used the deaths of 3,000 American citizens to justify torture and use it to get suspected terrorist to provide a false link to a shitty third world country so we could invade it and give billions of taxpayers’s dollars to their political friends while sacrificing thousands of American lives – right?

Since it’s Jesus’ birthday, I thought I would share with you a list of people I hope die in an electrical fire as they sing O Come, All Ye Faithful.

I honestly thought Barack Obama was going to change Washington and that scared me the shit out of me. I didn’t know what would happen if a politician followed through on their promises.  Would the world stop turning?  Would there be peace on Earth?  Would I get laid more?  Lucky for me he’s just like the rest of those slimy pussies.

Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates is asking many of the Bush administration’s 250 Pentagon political appointees to remain on the job until the incoming Obama administration finds replacements — a move designed to prevent a leadership vacuum with U.S. troops engaged in wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, the Washington Times reported Tuesday.

The unusual request ensures that key policy positions will not be left to “acting” subordinates as typically occurs when political appointees are directed to resign during a presidential transition, according to the Times.

Man, Barack Obama fooled a ton of people. He made millions off of false promises to stupid people.  He will continue the war in Iraq and Afghanistan.  He will continue to bailout worthless companies with our money. He will continue to do the same stupid shit that George Bush has been doing for the past 8 years.

And I love it.  It’s about time a black man fucked this country up.  At least this man will sound intelligent giving a speech tricking us into a war with Iran and Russia. I can’t wait until he does…

He was right after all...

Surprise, surprise

The federal government will provide $13.4 billion in loans to Detroit automakers, the White House said Friday.

“Allowing the U.S. auto industry to collapse is not a responsible course of action,” President Bush said Friday morning.

“The terms and conditions of the financing provided by the Treasury Department will facilitate restructuring of our domestic auto industry, prevent disorderly bankruptcies during a time of economic difficulty, and protect the taxpayer by ensuring that only financially viable firms receive financing,” according to a statement released by the White House. [Ed. - What the fuck does this mean?]

Why is everyone surprised about this?  You knew this was going to happen.  The automakers only had to answer two important questions: Are you white? and Are you rich?

They answered both of them correctly so now they’re getting a ‘loan’.  This isn’t new.  We did it for the banks and we are going to do it for the credit card companies.  We will continue to hand rich, white people money because we are a nation of pussies.

The people in Washington know that.  That’s why they gave our money to their friends.  That’s why they gave themselves a raise.  They know we are nothing but big, fat, hairless twats.

And nothing is going to change.  So just bend over and take it like a man.  And if you need any help, ask the Blacks and Latinos, they’ve been fucked in the ass for years….

Do people even care anymore?

US President George W. Bush said in an interview Tuesday he was forced to sacrifice free market principles to save the economy from “collapse.”

“I’ve abandoned free-market principles to save the free-market system,” Bush told CNN television, saying he had made the decision “to make sure the economy doesn’t collapse.”

Bush’s comments reflect an extraordinary departure from his longtime advocacy for an unfettered free market, as his administration has orchestrated unprecedented government intervention in the face of a dire financial crisis.

“I am sorry we’re having to do it,” Bush said.

No we don’t. We don’t have to bailout Wall Street nor do we have to bailout the auto industry. We don’t have to do a goddamn thing.

But you do.

You have to fix the unjust war that is costing us billions and start regulating Wall Street. You have to fix every fucking thing you’ve broken while in office.

But you won’t.

You don’t give a shit about us. You’re only worried about your rich, white business friends. That’s why you gave them all of our money and that’s why you’re going to give the auto industry money without Congress’ permission.

And do the people care?  Fuck no. They only care about some stupid ass governor from a shitty state who’s so fucking stupid that he got caught trying to sell a Senate seat.

Who the fuck cares.

Let Illinois television report on the fucking asshole. That’s why they have a local news station. I watch the national news to learn how bad our government is fucking us over.  Quit reporting on this retarded looking motherfucker.

But you stupid pussy warts don’t care. You don’t care how terrible this president has screwed us over.  You’ll just continue to listen to this pussy and repeat every fucking word he says like he’s God.

So fuck you people and fuck Sean Hannity.  I hope you enjoy the destruction of this country because you let it happen. Stupid cunts….

This post was going to be about the Iraqi shoe thrower who’s getting the shit beat out of him while in custody. There was going to be a joke about how he’s getting beat up not because he threw a shoe at George Bush but because he didn’t hit the guy.

(I mean really, you’re standing less than 5 feet away and you get two chances but you still can’t hit the man?  You deserve to get a couple of ribs cracked for that weak shit.)

That was until I saw this fucking story.

KILLER VIRUS GRIPS BRITAIN

MILLIONS face being struck down by a deadly winter vomiting bug sweeping the country.
Scores of hospitals have been forced to close wards to new patients as they struggle to cope with the influx of norovirus sufferers.

One of London’s leading hospitals has even had to turn away 999 emergency patients after being overwhelmed with cases of the virus, while another hospital has drafted in GPs to cover for staff hit by the bug.

As the crisis deepens, health campaigners are warning that hospitals face going into “complete meltdown” over Christmas and New Year.

Last year more than three million people were struck down by the bug as it reached epidemic levels. Now experts are warning that the virus could affect even more this year.

Last night the Health Protection Agency warned that it was expecting the number of cases to escalate.

Goddamnit this is serious but we know what we must do.

Quarantine Britain.

We just need to sit back and allow the virus to run its course.  Once the virus has been wiped out and we rebuild Britain, we have to enforce one rule: No fucking kids allowed.

If movies have taught us anything, kids always fuck things up.  We will have everything under control then a kid will get the virus and spread it to the entire world.  Fuck those little bitches.  That’s why any kid who tries to get back into Britain must be killed.  With the entire world at stake, there isn’t any room for exceptions.

Who didn’t see this coming?

The Bush administration said Friday that it will consider using the money set aside to help banks and Wall Street to rescue the auto industry.

The statement — a change in the administration’s long-held position — might be the last best chance to keep troubled automakers General Motors (GM, Fortune 500) and Chrysler LLC out of bankruptcy.

Who is the White House kidding? We know these assholes are going to get a bailout. Our government will bailout anyone who answers ‘yes’ to the following questions: “Are you white?” and “Are you rich?”

Goddamnit.  I can’t wait until the Blacks, Latinos, Cubans, Indians, and Asians all band together and hang these criminal motherfuckers…

…my dick is getting hard thinking about it…

What a bunch of shit.

As part of its plan, Ford announced that the salary of Ford CEO Alan Mulally would be cut to $1 a year if Ford (F, Fortune 500) actually borrowed money from the government.

General Motors (GM, Fortune 500) said that CEO Rick Wagoner also will accept a $1 salary. Chrysler LLC CEO Robert Nardelli is already being paid only $1 a year, according to the Chrysler plan.

Mulally had a base salary of $2 million and total compensation of $21.7 million last year, according to the company’s filings. Wagoner received base pay of $1.6 million and total compensation of $14.4 million. Closely-held Chrysler does not disclose executive pay.

Fuck that.

They have to do more than work for a dollar if they want to steal my money. They need to prove to me they need the money.

How can they do that?  Simple,they need to take 535 money shots.

Here’s the plan. All 535 members of Congress have to line up single file down Pennsylvania Avenue, dicks in hand.  Pussy in palm for the women.  Then the three CEO’s Alan Mulally, Rick Wagoner, and Robert Nardelli get on their knees and stick out their tongues.

Once everyone is in place, the cum part begins.

Every member of Congress has to shot their load on each CEO in order for the bailout to pass.

(I know some of you are thinking: “Ron, how do you expect the women of Congress to shoot their load?” It’s not my fucking problem.  I’ve seen pornos where women squirt so much I have to dry my computer off, so it can be done. They want to give away my money, they must play by my rules.)

Now if every member of Congress does the deed and the bill gets passed, then George W. Bush has to sign it into law. But before he can do that, each CEO must perform fellatio on him and swallow all of his children.

It sounds gross but let’s be honest…he’s the President.  You can’t expect this man to jack his own dick. He needs help. This is where the CEOs prove to me they need my money.

Also we have to have checks and balances, so if he can’t cum three times in a row, the bailout gets vetoed and Congress has to cum again.

But wait there’s more. How about I have a way were America can earn money from this cum fiesta. Televise it.

Think about it.

Millions of people watch washed up actors/actresses dance in front of gay looking judges, why wouldn’t they watch Congress jackoff on rich, corporate faces?

Imagine the advertising.

Companies piss away 2 million dollars for a 30 second ad during the Super Bowl. They’d easily pay twice that for half the time. And to make sure the government gets the money, we only allow PBS the broadcasting rights.

With that money, Barack Obama can bailout California, Washington, Mississippi, South Carolina, New York, Utah, North Carolina, Georgia, Florida….