Thu 2 Jul, 2009
John Feehery is the president of Feehery Group, a former aid to Dennis Hastert, and the author of the shittest article on CNN.com. Now I’m not going to bore you like I did with the Peggy Noonan article, I’m just going to highlight some of my favorite parts.
The metric system is the kind of thing that you can expect from the 60-vote filibuster-proof majority Democrats now have in the United States Senate.
In the Senate, they adjusted the rules to make it harder for Republicans to filibuster (reducing the magic number from 67 to 60 to invoke cloture, which ends debate). In the House, they passed all kinds of reforms to take power away from senior members and give it to junior members. And Congress mandated that the American people embrace the metric system.
The metric system idea never really caught on, and although the pain of Watergate afflicted Republicans for another two elections, they eventually pulled themselves out of their deep hole, with some good ideas and a charismatic leader, who promised to restore America to greatness.
Why are Republicans so worried about the metric system? For fuck’s sake, they give away ten percent of their money to some fucking church, and they worship the Ten Commandments. So why are they afraid of a base ten measuring system?
Democrats have once again reached the magic number of 60, as Norm Coleman finally threw in the towel against the one-time joke writer for Saturday Night Live, Al Franken.
Republicans have little reason to laugh, though, as they look at their diminished ranks and wonder how they have put themselves in such a weakened position. It was only four-and-a-half years ago that the GOP was on the top of the world, and some of their more smug strategists were confidently predicting a permanent Republican majority.
Norm Coleman didn’t throw in the towel. Norm Coleman fucking lost. And why are you ripping on Al Franken for being a Saturday Night Live writer? Is it because Al Franken’s shits have more writing ability in one undigested kernel of corn than you do in your entire body? Or is it because he’s never been a high school wrestling coach like your former douchebag boss Dennis Hastert?
In other words, the brand killed them. And if you look at the latest polls, the GOP brand hasn’t gotten any better in the last six months. In fact, according to Gallup, even 38 percent of Republicans have a negative view of the Republican Party.
That sentence hurts my brain.
Democrats are now making plans to intervene in the health care marketplace, with some liberals insisting on a government-run “public option” health insurer. In any event, many won’t be satisfied until the government basically sets prices for health insurance and prescription drugs.
What are you insinuating by putting public option in quotes? That people don’t welcome it? Because I would welcome a public option like Mark Sanford welcomes foreign pussy.
Another poll showed that while 40 percent of Americans identify themselves as conservative, only 21 percent think of themselves as liberal. The American people voted for change. They didn’t vote for a liberal orthodoxy that promises more government, higher taxes, slower growth, more pork and a liberal social agenda.
Um, yes they did. If Americans didn’t want a liberal in office they would have voted for John McCain.
In 1975, the newly dominant Democratic Congress sent President Gerald Ford a bill that declared that America was going to be metric, which he signed. When Jimmy Carter became president two years later, he signed a law that told Americans that they couldn’t drive faster than 55 mph.
These measures made perfect sense to the liberal sensibilities of the time. But they didn’t make sense to the American people, and are symbols of a philosophy that was out of touch with the people in the 1970s and is still out of touch with the lives of most Americans today.
Most Americans still don’t use the metric system, and most certainly don’t stick to the 55 mile an hour speed limit on the highways of America. And while they may still like Barack Obama and still laugh at jokes written by Al Franken, they will eventually grow weary of the newly dominant liberals who now run Washington.
Jesus Christ, there you go again with the goddamn metric system. Why the fuck do you hate it so much? Is it because the rest of the world uses it, and if we start then it will lead to a one world government?
Someone needs to take this man outside and smash his goddamn face in with a wooden tennis racket. And then they need to go to CNN headquarters, and anally rape the person who put this article online them with an electric cattle prod.
Tags: CNN, I hope this man dies, John Feehery, Republicans
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