…a complete dumbass.

A congressional trip to Iraq this weekend was supposed to be a secret.

But the cat’s out of the bag now, thanks to a member of the House Intelligence Committee who broke an embargo via Twitter.

A delegation led by House Minority Leader John A. Boehner , R-Ohio, arrived in Iraq earlier today, and because of Rep. Peter Hoekstra , R-Mich., the entire world — or at least Twitter.com readers—now know they’re there.

“Just landed in Baghdad,” messaged Hoekstra, a former chairman of the Intelligence panel and now the ranking member, who is routinely entrusted to keep some of the nation’s most closely guarded secrets.

Before the delegation left Washington, they were advised to keep the trip to themselves for security reasons. A few media outlets, including Congressional Quarterly, learned about it, but agreed not to disclose anything until the delegation had left Iraq.

I love it.  Alright..there has to be a great joke in here somwhere, I just have to find it.  Okay, how about I make a joke where I say I’m not surprised by this fuckers lack of intelligence because he’s the ranking Republican member on the House Intelligence Committee and look where their intelligence got us?  No?  No, you’re right…that fucking sucked.  Let’s try another one.   Okay, um…how about I make a joke where I talk about how old people and technology don’t mix and then take a shot at John McCain?  No?  Yeah, you’re right again.  I mean it’s a little better than the first one but it still sucks balls and nobody gives a shit about John McCain anymore.  Okay, I got it, how about I make a joke about how stupid people are in Michigan for electing this fucking guy?  No?  Goddammit.  Yeah, yeah, yeah…I know…I don’t want to make fun of all the people in Michigan…just the stupid fucks that voted the guy in.

Jesus Christ, I fucking suck at this today.   I can’t think of one joke at the expense of this cunt?  What’s wrong with me?  Oh fuck you…I know I can be funny.  Hey…that’s it.

I’m going to show everyone the best part of Congressman Pete Hoekstra’s tweets?  Ready? Alright, here it is:

Love twitter critics.Spelling mistakes. Sorry but riding in poor light, bouncing around,speed not accuracy. Lighten up. Its called twitter
10:30 PM Feb 7th from TwitterBerry

That’s right.  Between giving away his position and announcing to the world that he’s in a classified meeting where US officals are talking about the “Long term impact of Iran”, this stupid motherfucker decides to lash out at his critics on Twitter. What a fucking tool.

Next time he goes over there and starts to Tweet his position to the entire world, I hope Al-Qaeda kidnaps his fatass, without killing any of the soldiers that were protecting him, and takes him to their secret hideout deep inside an old, used up, coal mine.   When he gets there I hope he starts to cry uncontrollably and wet his pants every twenty minutes.  I hope he can pull it together for a couple of seconds and ask the men how they found him.  I hope the men start speaking in rapid Arabic, with a couple of English words thrown in there to fuck with his head, and I hope it makes him cry even harder because he was too lazy to learn their fucking language.  I hope he asks the same question three more times before a 6’5 Al-Qaeda member steps in front of him and slaps him so hard that a three foot long snot rocket flies out of his nose and lands on a nearby laptop.  Then I hope the 6’5 Al-Qaeda member laughs with the rest of his buddies as he points to the laptop screen that shows that they were following his updates on Twitter.

Then  I hope Al-Qaeda dresses him up as a girl and repeatly rapes him in the ass while filming it live on the Internet and forces him to convert to Islam.  Once he does that and pisses off every fucking Christian in the United States, I hope Al-Qaeda lets him go with a homemade card that he’s forced to deliver to George Bush that reads, “You’re a fucking moron and I fucked your wife and mom late last year while your dad watched, jerking off in the corner.  Love, Osama Bin Laden  P.S.  You’ll never catch me you retarded cock muncher.”

I really…really hope this happens…

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Tags: Al-Qaeda, Fucking stupid, Iraq, Michigan, Pete Hoekstra, Republicans, Tweeter
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The Augusta Chronicle is running a section in their paper were elementary, middle and high school students write letters to  Barack Obama, telling him what they hope he will do once he gets into office on January 20th. Since Barack Obama is an amazing person, he decided to write back.  This is why he’s going to be a better president than George Bush.

Dear Mr. President,
My name is Dasani Gates and there are a few things I would like for you to do as president. One thing I would like for you to do is improve the salary of working people. If you would improve the salary of working people, my mom wouldn’t have to work two jobs to support me and my family. The next thing I would like for you to do as president is to lower prices for gas, food, and taxes. If you would lower the prices for these things my mom would have more money to buy me more clothes to wear and more toys to play with. I would also like you to improve the health care benefits for everyone in America. If you improve the health care benefits, everyone would have better dental and medical care for their families. The last thing I would like you to do as president is to improve the learning environment for all students in America. If you improve the learning environment, we would have better schools to learn in, new books to learn with and better after-school activities so everyone will be well rounded students. I believe if you do these things you will be the best president in the United States of America.
Sincerely,
Dasani Gates
Second-grader at Lord House of Praise
Christian School; Waynesboro, Ga.

Dear Ms. Gates,
I want to start off this letter by thanking you for writing.  I know how hard it is to sit down and put words on paper and I’m glad that your second grade teacher forced you to do this.  This shows that you can follow orders and I value that.  But what the fuck are you thinking telling me what to do?  Have you forgotten who I am already?  I’m BARACK OBAMA bitch.  Don’t you think I’ve already thought up of ways to improve people’s salary?  What the fuck do you think I’ve been doing since I slapped that old white guy in the face with my big black dick?  I’ve got shit under control.

Instead of worrying about people’s salaries, you should be worrying about how selfish you are.  Asking me to raise your mother’s salary so she can buy you clothes and toys and shit.  You’re lucky you aren’t my daughter or I would beat the shit out of you for being selfish and disrespecting your mother like that.  I’m sure she doesn’t want you writing me to complain about how poor you are.  You’ve lost your goddamn mind.  You know what?  Because you’ve insulted your mother, I’m going to make sure your school doesn’t get any funding and your second grade teacher is fired.  How do you like that bitch?
Thanks again for writing me and letting me know how you feel. Hope you have a great year.

God bless you and God bless America,
President Barack Obama

Dear Mr. President,
I want you to keep companies in America so my dad will stop looking to see if it’s made in China. It is important to keep jobs because one of my friend’s dad does not have a job.
Get better schools for your kids. Please get a better facility and supplies for your kids. We only have two computers in our classroom. We could learn more with more computers. Send us some money please.
Sincerely,
Savannah Makowski
Third-grader at
Roy Rollins Elementary School, Augusta

Dear Ms. Makowski,
I want you to do something for me, alright?  I want you to walk up to your dad and tell him to SHUT THE FUCK UP.  Why the hell is he complaining about China now?  I don’t see any letters written to Ronald Regan from him about this China problem.  I wonder why? Oh that’s right, it’s because I’m black. I’m that Magical Negro and I’m supposed to use my magical powers to make all the white people feel better.  Ain’t that right masta’?

Your father he can go fuck himself in his deer stand.  I hope him and your best friend’s dad go hunting, get drunk and kill get other…stupid fucking rednecks.

As far as my kids go, you’re goddamn right they will have the best of everything. I’m not stupid enough to send them to a poor school like your worthless father did to you.  You can forget me sending you money because your dad will take it and spend it on Bud Light and chewing tobacco.  One second thought..I will send you some money because I hope your dad gets drunk and beats the shit out of you and your mom.

God bless you and God bless America,
President Barack Obama

Dear President Obama,
Congratulations on being the next president of the United States! I hope you will make the best decisions for our country. One of the most important things I think you should reconsider is this: Every time you make a decision, think about how it will affect everyone and put yourself in their position. I find that helps me to make the right decisions. For example: abortion. What if you were the baby? If you could fast forward in time and defend yourself, would you? ONly you can make this decision for yourself. I hope you choose wisely for this country. God bless.
Sincerely,
Will Skelton
Eighth-grader at
Stallings Island Middle School, Evans

Dear Will Skelton,
Thank you for congratulation me on becoming the new President.  I’m not going to lie…I was shocked that I won.  I thought that old man and his super hot, stupid bitch would steal the election from me like George Bush did to Al Gore and John Kerry.  But I was wrong…and that will be the only time I’ll ever be wrong again.

Now about your question on if I was a baby would I defend myself from abortion.  Who put you up to that?  I bet it was your mom, wasn’t it?  Or was it your grandma?  It couldn’t have been your father because he would have made you ask me about China like Savannah’s dad did since I’m sure he is a huge fucking redneck.  Let me ask you something…why do you care about abortion?  Does it affect you in any way?  Is it your body?  Does it even concern you?

Fuck no it doesn’t, so how about you mind your own goddamn business. When you give birth three or four times and have to go through everything a woman has to go through, then I will take your question into consideration. Until then, you and your goddamn  family can shut the fuck up.

Goddamn I wish your mother would have aborted you. Then I wouldn’t have had to read your stupid fucking letter…you dumb shit.

God bless you and God bless America,
President Barack Obama

Dear President Obama,

America is ready for change. I am very glad you are going to be our next president because there have been too many Republicans in the presidency. I think there should be less conflict between the Republicans and the Democrats. Please lower taxes and take the troops out of Iraq; we are ready for them to come home. I hope that you will lower gas prices and that you will help the economy get back in shape as only you can.

Sincerely,
Benjamin Allen
Eighth-grader at
Stallings Island Middle School, Evans

Dear Benjamin Allen,
I too believe America is ready for a change and that’s why I made it my motto during the election. I just kept repeating “Change we can believe in” and soon enough people thought I could change things and they elected me.  Ha…people are so goddamn stupid.

Do you really think I’m going to change anything?  I’m not going to lower taxes, I’m going to raise them.  I’m not going to withdraw troops from Iraq, I’m going to send more.  I’m not going to give people universal health care, I’m going to help the insurance companies.  I’m going to do what ever other president has done before me, make the rich, richer and poor, poorer.  The only difference is I’m a nice looking black man with a mouthful of pearly white teeth and washboard abs.

I hope you like the ass fucking because it isn’t going to stop anytime soon.

God bless you and God bless America,
President Barack Obama

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Tags: Augusta Chronicle, Barack Obamaa, Health care, Iraq, Politics, Ronald Reagan, United States, United States President
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I honestly thought Barack Obama was going to change Washington and that scared me the shit out of me. I didn’t know what would happen if a politician followed through on their promises.  Would the world stop turning?  Would there be peace on Earth?  Would I get laid more?  Lucky for me he’s just like the rest of those slimy pussies.

Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates is asking many of the Bush administration’s 250 Pentagon political appointees to remain on the job until the incoming Obama administration finds replacements — a move designed to prevent a leadership vacuum with U.S. troops engaged in wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, the Washington Times reported Tuesday.

The unusual request ensures that key policy positions will not be left to “acting” subordinates as typically occurs when political appointees are directed to resign during a presidential transition, according to the Times.

Man, Barack Obama fooled a ton of people. He made millions off of false promises to stupid people.  He will continue the war in Iraq and Afghanistan.  He will continue to bailout worthless companies with our money. He will continue to do the same stupid shit that George Bush has been doing for the past 8 years.

And I love it.  It’s about time a black man fucked this country up.  At least this man will sound intelligent giving a speech tricking us into a war with Iran and Russia. I can’t wait until he does…

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Tags: Afghanistan, Barack Obama, George W. Bush, Iran, Iraq, Iraq War, Presidency of George W. Bush, Russia, United States, War
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Do people even care anymore?

US President George W. Bush said in an interview Tuesday he was forced to sacrifice free market principles to save the economy from “collapse.”

“I’ve abandoned free-market principles to save the free-market system,” Bush told CNN television, saying he had made the decision “to make sure the economy doesn’t collapse.”

Bush’s comments reflect an extraordinary departure from his longtime advocacy for an unfettered free market, as his administration has orchestrated unprecedented government intervention in the face of a dire financial crisis.

“I am sorry we’re having to do it,” Bush said.

No we don’t. We don’t have to bailout Wall Street nor do we have to bailout the auto industry. We don’t have to do a goddamn thing.

But you do.

You have to fix the unjust war that is costing us billions and start regulating Wall Street. You have to fix every fucking thing you’ve broken while in office.

But you won’t.

You don’t give a shit about us. You’re only worried about your rich, white business friends. That’s why you gave them all of our money and that’s why you’re going to give the auto industry money without Congress’ permission.

And do the people care?  Fuck no. They only care about some stupid ass governor from a shitty state who’s so fucking stupid that he got caught trying to sell a Senate seat.

Who the fuck cares.

Let Illinois television report on the fucking asshole. That’s why they have a local news station. I watch the national news to learn how bad our government is fucking us over.  Quit reporting on this retarded looking motherfucker.

But you stupid pussy warts don’t care. You don’t care how terrible this president has screwed us over.  You’ll just continue to listen to this pussy and repeat every fucking word he says like he’s God.

So fuck you people and fuck Sean Hannity.  I hope you enjoy the destruction of this country because you let it happen. Stupid cunts….

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Tags: Auto Industry, Bailout, CNN, Florida, Fox News, Free market, Fuck them, George Bush, George W. Bush, Iraq, MSNBC, Sean Hannity, Stupid people, United States, US, Wal-Mart, Wall Street
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This post was going to be about the Iraqi shoe thrower who’s getting the shit beat out of him while in custody. There was going to be a joke about how he’s getting beat up not because he threw a shoe at George Bush but because he didn’t hit the guy.

(I mean really, you’re standing less than 5 feet away and you get two chances but you still can’t hit the man?  You deserve to get a couple of ribs cracked for that weak shit.)

That was until I saw this fucking story.

KILLER VIRUS GRIPS BRITAIN

MILLIONS face being struck down by a deadly winter vomiting bug sweeping the country.
Scores of hospitals have been forced to close wards to new patients as they struggle to cope with the influx of norovirus sufferers.

One of London’s leading hospitals has even had to turn away 999 emergency patients after being overwhelmed with cases of the virus, while another hospital has drafted in GPs to cover for staff hit by the bug.

As the crisis deepens, health campaigners are warning that hospitals face going into “complete meltdown” over Christmas and New Year.

Last year more than three million people were struck down by the bug as it reached epidemic levels. Now experts are warning that the virus could affect even more this year.

Last night the Health Protection Agency warned that it was expecting the number of cases to escalate.

Goddamnit this is serious but we know what we must do.

Quarantine Britain.

We just need to sit back and allow the virus to run its course.  Once the virus has been wiped out and we rebuild Britain, we have to enforce one rule: No fucking kids allowed.

If movies have taught us anything, kids always fuck things up.  We will have everything under control then a kid will get the virus and spread it to the entire world.  Fuck those little bitches.  That’s why any kid who tries to get back into Britain must be killed.  With the entire world at stake, there isn’t any room for exceptions.

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Tags: 28 Days Later, 28 Weeks Later, Britain virus, Christmas, Europe, George W. Bush, Health Protection Agency, Iraq, Iraqi, London, New Year, Norovirus, Shoe, United States
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