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What the fuck is this shit

You’ve just gotten a taste of how this torture shit is going to play out.

Liberal activists are pressing for the impeachment of federal Judge Jay Bybee over the Bush administration’s “torture memos” in part because there is virtually nothing that President Barack Obama, congressional Republicans or conservative Senate Democrats can do to stop the process from getting underway.

Ah, yes, the classic Washington “Us verses Them” bullshit.  Where the Democrats will say things like, “This is outrageous.  How is this man a federal judge?  He signed a memo giving permission to waterboard detainees, stick their heads in a box full of bugs, slam their heads into a wall, slap them, and deprive them of sleep.  How can this man say he will uphold the Constitution when he shat on its chest 7 years ago?”

And the Republicans will respond with, “Fuck that.  There were high ranking Democrats who knew we were torturing those nasty brown pieces of shit in Iraq and Afghanistan.  Did they object?  Fuck no.  They were too busy getting paid thousands of dollars by lobbyists to care about the fucked up shit we were doing to people.  If they’re going to impeach anyone it should be their own goddamn selves.”

Think I’m lying?  Read this shit :

Republicans are pushing back. The Judiciary Committee’s ranking member, Rep. Lamar Smith (R-Texas), warned that Democratic leaders also would also come under scrutiny. He said Podesta should also pursue House Speaker Nancy Pelosi over her lack of action following classified briefings she received on the interrogation techniques.

“If he wants to be absolutely fair, he ought to ask the speaker to resign as well,” Smith told POLITICO on Monday. “Clearly, any attorney should be able to offer their legal advice and give their best counsel to a president and to an administration without fear of someone trying to reach back and impeach them when they get to a higher office.”

So it looks like nothing is going to change.  Rich, powerful white people will continue to torture  poor brown people.  The media will continue to make this a Republicans vs. Democrats issue.  And Americans could care less because they are too busy worrying about the stupid fucking swine flu.

You know…business as usual…

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George Bush and Dick Cheney

And this is how it all began.

OVAL OFFICE

George Bush sits behind his desk while Dick Cheney, Colin Powell, Condoleezza Rice, George Tenet, Donald Rumsfeld, Alberto Gonzales, Jay Bybee and John Yoo sit around arguing with each other.

Dick Cheney: (to Colin Powell and Condoleezaa Rice) Will you two educated niggers shut the fuck up and listen to the goddamn wetback…

John Yoo: Um, I’m Korean sir.

Dick Cheney: (not paying attention) and the dickless white guy..

Jay Bybee:  I’m pretty sure I have a dick sir.

Dick Cheney: (still not paying attention)…because they’re saying this is perfectly legal.  And I’d like to think that lawyers from the Justice Department know a thing or two about the law.

Colin Powell:  I don’t know Dick.  I mean, some of these things sound like torture to me.

Dick Cheney: (yelling)  Goddammit Colin.  How many times do I have to say this?  We do not torture people.  We use enhanced interrogation techniques.  How fucking hard is that to comprehend?  Torturing is bad.  Enhanced interrogation techniques is good.

Condoleezza Rice:  With all due respect sir, it sounds like you’re splitting hairs here.

Dick Cheney:  With all due respect Condi, you can shut your carpet munching ass up.

George Bush has had enough with the fighting and stands up.

George Bush:  Everybody shut the hell up.  (turns to Jay Bybee)  Alright Dickless, let me get this straight.  You’re telling me that our soldiers can strip down detainees, force them to wear adult diapers, deprive them of solid food which will make them shit all over themselves, deprive them of sleep, waterboard them, slam their heads into a wall, kick them, slap them, punch them, hook their genitals up to a car battery, piss on them, shit on them, fire a gun beside their head, put their head in a box of harmless bugs but tell them they’re extremely poisonous in hopes they piss all over themselves, kidnap their families, kill their dog, destroy their home, and rape their loved ones – We can do all of that and not get in trouble if we don’t mean to intentionally harm them and only want information?

Jay Bybee:  Yes sir, that’s correct.

George Bush:  But if one of our soldiers stomps on a detainee’s big toe because they want revenge for the death of one of their comrades who died in an IED explosion, that’s considered torture and we can be charged with war crimes?

Jay Bybee: (looking nervous) Yes…yes sir.

John Yoo:  (nodding his head)  Yes Mr. President, that’s what we’re saying.

George Bush looks at Jay Bybee then at John Yoo then back at Jay Bybee before sitting down without saying a word.  The entire room is silent for 5 minutes while George Bush thinks.

George Bush:  (breaking the silence)  And now you’re asking me to sign off on these things?

John Yoo:  (glances at a smiling Cheney before looking back at George Bush)  That’s correct sir.

George Bush:  (slowly nods his head)  Alright.  But first I need to talk to the Lord.  Gotta know what the Big Guy thinks about all this.

Dick Cheney rubs his hands together like a fat kid about to get a piece of his favorite cake.  Everyone in the room is silent while George Bush lowers his head and starts to pray.

George Bush:  (mumbling to himself)…I know that Lord, but these guys say it’s legal and protected under the Constitution.  Also, don’t forget these terrorist are at war with You.  Of course I know that Lord…

Ten minutes pass before George Bush shouts “AMEN!” and looks up.

George Bush:  Well…

Everyone leans in.

George Bush: (continued)… the Lord says as long as the Justice Department says it’s legal and it isn’t against the Constitution, we can go ahead and do it.  And who am I to argue with the Lord?

Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Alberto Gonzales, Jay Bybee and John Yoo jump up and chest bumps and high fives each other while Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice slump in their seats.

Dick Cheney: (pointing at Colin Powell and Condoleezza Rice)  Suck on that you fucking pussy ass niggers.  Suck on that.

Yep – I’m pretty sure that’s how it happened.  And you know what?  I’m glad.  Because now I know I can kidnap that woman who doesn’t talk to me at the bar I go to every Thursday night, tie her up, pry open her mouth, and make her gag on my cock without fear of being charged with torture – because I only want information on why she doesn’t talk to me.  And for that I have to say, “Thank you George Bush…Thank you.”

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