I wonder what became of this marijuana smoker?

Has become the President for the status quo [Warning: it's a pdf]:

Keeping drugs illegal reduces their availability and lessens willingness to use them. That is why this Administration firmly opposes the legalization of marijuana or any other illicit drug. Legalizing drugs would increase accessibility and encourage promotion and acceptance of use. Diagnostic, laboratory, clinical, and epidemiological studies clearly indicate that marijuana use is associated with dependence, respiratory and mental illness, poor motor performance, and cognitive impairment, among other negative effects, and legalization would only exacerbate these problems.

[...]

The Southwest Border Counternarcotics Strategy strongly endorsed an intensified focus on the south-bound threat. CBP is working to renovate southbound point-of-exit lanes to allow for increased inspection and is hiring personnel specifically for the south-bound mission. DEA is building, in collaboration with state and local partners and other Federal agencies, a network of automated license plate readers to identify likely currency and weapons smugglers. This effort requires close cooperation with local authorities, both to facilitate installation of the cameras and to ensure the information is acted on appropriately.

[...]
Bulk seizures of currency, regardless of who makes the seizure or where it is made, should be treated, to the extent allowable by law, similarly to how drugs or other contraband are treated.

I wonder what the over/under is on how many people will get thrown in jail for smoking marijuana during Obama’s presidency. Do you think he’ll throw more people in jail than Bill Clinton, because I don’t think so. Clinton’s presidency was the 90′s Chicago Bulls of marijuana arrests. That administration had a superstar in Bill Clinton, a star that rode the superstar’s coattails in Al Gore, an underrated workhorse in Janet Reno, and a scrappy white guy that would do whatever he was asked in Barry McCaffrey.

The Obama administration doesn’t that that kind of roster. The best this administration can hope for is a 2000 – 2004 Lakers run. I mean, they have a young future superstar in Barack Obama, a fading superstar in Hillary Clinton, a quiet team player in Eric Holder, and a trashing talking clutch player in Joe Biden. So I see about 400,000 to 550,000 marijuana arrests during Obama’s presidency.

Goddamn, did I just use a sports analogy to compare Clinton’s administration to Obama’s? I really need to stop getting so hi…drunk in the morning.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=b6t1EM4Onao

Who’s with me?

This guest post comes from Shane over at In Case You Missed It

As in David Nutt, (former) chairman of the Advisory Committee on the Misuse of Drugs (ACMD) in the UK, has been fired for doing his job. Isn’t it great to know that we haven’t made any progress since Galileo was forced to renounce his work and writings concerning the theories of Nicolaus Copernicus, who had suggested that the sun, not the Earth, was the center of the universe almost 400 years ago? Somehow this case seems even more totalitarian. A scientist, whose job is to give advice on drug law, has lost his job for giving the advice he was hired to give because it doesn’t fit in with the government’s get tough on drugs sales pitch to the deluded public. Yes, it’s not only America where you have to blow the populist trumpet hoping that the semi-literate masses will vote for you come election day, the UK it seems is every bit as bad.

It’s even worse knowing that things weren’t always so bad for the Labour Party and the UK. In fact it was only 2004 when the government actually listened to the advice given to them by their drug experts and downgraded cannabis from a Class B to C (the UK uses a system where A is the most harmful illegal drug and C the least). Since the reclassification didn’t result in an upswing of smokers and in fact saved an estimated 199,000 police hours, this action had its predictable reaction – the tabloid press hard sell along the lines of “drugs are bad, how can you be doing this to our children? Will someone please think of the children!” – this time mostly revolving around a scare story involving new and improved skunk weed which was so potent it caused psychosis. Enter a new British PM losing popularity by the day who is easily influenced by the polling numbers and suddenly you had the leader of a nation saying things like, “I think people know my view about cannabis and particularly about this lethal version of it, skunk.” Before you know it, the UK found itself back where it started, busting 72-year-old milkmen for delivering weed to old ladies as the government re-upgraded cannabis to Class B in January earlier this year. Of course this move came despite a report at the time from the ACMD recommending that cannabis remain a Class C drug.

So, what do you do when you are a scientist whose job it is to help formulate drug policy by providing unbiased scientific evidence only to see your work ignored? You try to draw attention to your cause, attempting to influence public opinion with facts and evidence; much to the dismay of the British government, David Nutt has been quite good at this. He was head of the team who devised a radical new system for classifying drugs – one based on harm to individuals and society instead of old-wives tales. Ultimately, it was this stance that forced Nutt’s resignation as he once again tried to remind people that drugs such as alcohol and tobacco are more harmful than LSD, ecstasy or cannabis. Additionally, he released a paper pointing out that ecstasy, a Class A drug, is in fact more benign activity than equestrianism. This latter report earned him a rebuke from his boss in the government, Jacqui Smith, the Home Secretary at the time.

The influence of the tabloid press in Britain is something I don’t claim to understand very well. I picture it as having a British version of the Fox News effect in the US, an important tool in ensuring that the semi-literate view the world through a haze of confusion. In the correspondence between Nutt and Home Secretary Alan Johnson, the man responsible for demanding Nutt’s resignation, Johnson practically admitted that misinforming the public is part of the plan. Johnson’s letter to Nutt stated, “I cannot have public confusion between scientific advice and policy and have therefore lost confidence in your ability to advise me as chair of the ACMD.” Huh? Really? If ministers care so little for independent scientific advice, maybe they should save public money by sacking the entire group of experts and instead appoint a committee of tabloid editors. After all, rags like the Daily Mail are onside with the firing, publishing an article comparing Agassi smoking crystal meth to the ‘nutty’ Professor Nutt. Why do they love that term drug tsar so much?

The pandering of the current Home Secretary to the tabloid press is another sad example of the disconnect between public policy and facts. Alan Johnson and his government now face a mass revolt from the official drug advisory board. As resignations begin to come in, one has to wonder if this is actually what the government wants. Nasty facts get in the way, especially when your nation is facing an epidemic of addiction to legal prescription drugs – there are over 1.5 million over-the-counter addicts in the UK today. Who knows, maybe it’s a Scientology plot? Far be it for me to suggest that simply legalizing cannabis would be some kind of panacea but it would be nice if government policy, in all areas, were determined by facts instead of fear. Reefer Madness, here we go again.

The Fonz approves.

I love seeing the little guy sticking it to the man.

Stiff competition from thousands of mom-and-pop marijuana farmers in the United States threatens the bottom line for powerful Mexican drug organizations in a way that decades of arrests and seizures have not, according to law enforcement officials and pot growers in the United States and Mexico.

Of course I would love to see the government use this news to legalize marijuana, but I know I have a better chance of waking up in the morning with a 13-inch cock than marijuana becoming legal. So I’m just going to sit back, smoke some mom-and-pop marijuana, and watch an episode or four of Mad Men.

Update – This also makes me happy.

Blow me.

The consumption of cannabis, even long-term, has a “minimal” impact on brain function, according to a systematic literature review just published online by the journal Psychological Medicine.

Investigators concluded, “Minimal evidence of major effects of cannabis on brain structure has been reported,” noting that marijuana users and controls perform similarly on cognitive tasks

That’s right you limp dick son of a bitch. Looks like you have to take back this stupid fucking statement:

“Marijuana is dangerous and has no medicinal benefit,” Kerlikowske said in downtown Fresno while discussing Operation SOS — Save Our Sierra — a multiagency effort to eradicate marijuana in eastern Fresno County.

I’m sorry. That was uncalled for. I didn’t mean to call you a son of a bitch and tell you to blow me. I was just excited about this news because I think marijuana should be legal. Can we put this ugly incident behind us? Good.

Now, let’s get down to business. Since this study proves that marijuana isn’t that harmful, when can we expect it to be legalized? I mean, if you legalize and tax marijuana it would help create jobs and stimulate the economy.

“Legalization is not in the president’s vocabulary, and it’s not in mine,” he said.

Oh goddammit. This fucking country is ass backwards. For fuck’s sake, we throw people in jail for smoking a goddamn plant, but do nothing to the people who illegally started two wars, tortured thousands of innocent civilians, gave no-bid contracts to their buddies, illegally wiretapped the country, developed secret assassination squads, spend trillions of dollars on the military, and funded death squads.

And that’s just from the Bush II administration. I won’t even get into all the illegal bullshit that happened during the Clinton administration, the Bush I administration, the Reagan administration, and the Nixon administration.

But Americans don’t give a shit. They don’t call out their politicians’ bullshit. They take everything at face value. They never question a goddamn thing. They just sit on their fat asses watching some fat asshole find the girl of his dreams.

You know, it’s true what George Carlin said: “When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front-row seat.”

Because why else would he be doing this?

U.S. Rep. Mark Kirk will call for legislation Monday that would toughen drug trafficking laws regarding a highly-potent form of marijuana, with penalties of up to 25 years in prison for a 1st-time offense.

The law would target offenders who sell or distribute marijuana that has a THC content exceeding 15 percent, which is between 5 and 10 percent higher than average marijuana, according to Kirk’s office. THC, or tetrahydrocannabinol, is the main active ingredient in marijuana.

I like this law. I like the message it sends to drug dealers. It lets them know that we’re sick of losing the War on Drugs, and we will not stand around with our thumbs up our asses while they destroy our magnificent country one dime bag at a…I’m sorry, I can’t do this.

This  is a stupid fucking law. 25 years in jail for first time offenders? For selling a little bit of pot? Really? Shouldn’t this be for pot dealers that kill people or pot dealers that rape people or pot dealers that kill then rape people? I mean, isn’t this legislation a bit excessive?

What the fuck am I talking about? Of course it isn’t. It’s pot dealers that are destroying this country.

Because of pot dealers millions of Americans are out of work, homeless, and uninsured. Because of pot dealers thousands of American soldiers and hundreds of thousands of Iraqi citizens have been killed in a senseless war. Because of pot dealers companies with political connections are getting billions of American taxpayers’ dollars through no-bid contracts. Because of pot dealers the Federal Reserve can’t account for 9 trillion dollars. Because of pot dealers our government had to bailout Wall Street, take over GM, and torture detainees.

So I’m sorry Mr. Kirk. I forgot you are a man on a mission sent from God. Please continue to call for legislation that would make Stalin cream his pants. Because the sooner we get those sorry pot dealers in jail, the sooner our country and way of life will improve.

Update: Thanks Zirgar for pointing out how incredibly stupid Mark Kirk is.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=SY0TQ1uOn3k

Because this asshat doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about. Drug use goes in waves? People have lost their lives to marijuana? What a fucking dickbag.

And thank god Tennessee Congressman Steve Cohen called Robert Mueller out on the gateway theory. I can’t stand that stupid fucking theory because we can apply it to anything. Hugs should be outlawed because rapist started out with hugs. Masturbation should be outlawed because gay people started out masturbating. Pets should be outlawed because serial killers start out by killing them.

Can we please start promoting people within government agencies who aren’t fucking retarded?

Dear President Obama,

Fuck you.  Fuck the people who work for you.  And fuck the people who work for them.   I hope every one of you worthless cumstains catch the Ebola virus and bleed to death through the asshole.

The thousands of users who asked about changing our stupid ass marijuana laws aren’t trolls.  They’re hard working citizens who’re tired of being called criminals because they enjoy smoking a plant.  They’re sick of having their money wasted on a pointless drug war.  They’re disgusted with how they can get life in prison for hurting no one, yet those cocksuckers on Wall Street get billions of dollars when they’ve ass fucked the entire world.

Do us a fucking favor and reread history before calling us “trolls” and bushing off the questions about marijuana prohibition.  Read how alcohol prohibition allowed Al Capon, Pretty Boy Floyd, and John Torrio to rise to power.  Read how crime rose during that time.  Read how corrupt our politicians were.  Then read about what happened after we repealed alcohol prohibition.

Or how about you read what Ab Lincoln had to say about prohibition, since you like to think you’re channeling his spirit.  Here I’ll make it easy for you:

“Prohibition will work great injury to the cause of temperance. It is a species of intemperance within itself, for it goes beyond the bounds of reason in that it attempts to control a man’s appetite by legislation, and makes a crime out of things that are not crimes. A Prohibition law strikes a blow at the very principles upon which our government was founded.”

Or how about you look at this and see how much money each state could make by taxing marijuana.

But I know you won’t do any of this stuff.  I know you don’t give a shit, because you’re too busy praising those Navy Seals who killed a couple of pirates – even though it’s their goddamn job to kill people.  And I know the media won’t  ask you about the dangers of marijuana prohibition and how it’s helping the drug cartels, because they’re too busy jerking off to your new puppy.

So it looks like the American people are fucked once again.  We’re forced to sit in fear as we enjoy a few puffs from a plant you used to smoke, while you and your corporate handlers steal our life savings and rape our freedoms.

So I’ll just sit here and smoke a joint while hoping that stupid fucking dog rips out your goddamn throat and shits on your chest – you fucking piece of shit.

Love,

Me

Robert Gibbs’ fat ass couldn’t give a straight answer.  What’s so fucking hard with saying, “President Obama doesn’t believe that the legalization of marijuana is a good idea for the economy.  He believes alcohol and tobacco are healthier alternatives, and marijuana would do more harm than good.  Sure Jeffrey A. Miron has  said that the legalization of marijuana would save the federal government 44 billion dollars per year while states would make 33 billion dollars a year in taxes, but what the hell does he know?  He’s just a senior lecturer in economics at Harvard University – the fuckin’ nerd.

Look – as you all know, the President smoked marijuana in college, as did the two previous Presidents, but that doesn’t make it right.  Marijuana is an awful, dangerous, evil drug and shouldn’t be used – period.   That’s why the President is against legalization.  He knows that we need to keep it out of the hands of our children.  Okay, I know some of you are going to ask me about the studies that say it’s easier for teens to purchase marijuana than alcohol, but what do they know – they’re just studies.  It’s not like they’re opinion polls – so they don’t really matter.

Again, this is why the President is against legalizing marijuana, and that’s why he’s going to give 700 million dollars to Mexico.  Now some people will say that the American people could use that money, but can you really put a price tag on safety?  No – no you can’t.  That’s why President Obama is thinking about sending soldiers to the border.

Now I know the ACLU and other civil liberty groups aren’t going to like US soldiers on the ground, and I’m sure they’re going to say it’s unconstitutional but – *chuckle* – remember, the Patriot Act is still in affect, and Attorney General Eric Holder recently called the drug cartels a ‘national security threat’ – and if the Attorney General says we’re under attack and some amendments of the Constitution need to be repealed in the name of National Security, who are we to argue?

Alright – now that I answered this fat guy’s annoying question, who’s next?”

See, that wasn’t so hard – was it?

I’m pretty sure you’re wrong on this one Hillary.

The United States shares the blame for Mexican drug trafficking and the attendant violence that has killed thousands in the past year alone, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said Wednesday.

“Our insatiable demand for illegal drugs fuels the drug trade,” she said en route to Mexico City, according to pool reports.

I find it a little hypocritical that your stupid ass says something like this when you clearly used drugs when you were younger.  I mean Jesus Christ, look at that fucking picture of Bill and you.  Look at that goofy grin on your face.  And those glasses – you’re stoned out of your goddamn mind.

I guess since you’re the Secretary of State you have to say stupid shit like this.  But fuck you for trying to place the blame on us.

All the government has to do is legalize all drugs and this retarded problem goes away.  But no, the government can’t do that because it would mean they lost this stupid fucking war.  And if there’s one thing our government hates more than helping its citizens, it’s admitting defeat.  So if you’re looking for someone to blame about this goddamn problem, blame the fucking government.

Because of the government, we have the highest prison population in the world.  Because of the government, hardworking Americans are turned into criminals for smoking a goddamn plant.  Because of the government, Americans are forced to buy the buds of a beautiful plant from some creepy drug dealer instead of going to a local dispensary.  Because of the government, drug cartels are becoming more powerful.  Because of the government, we’re spending hundreds of billions of dollars we don’t have to fight a war we’re never going to win.

So fuck you, you creepy old bitch.  I’m about to go supply my local drug cartel by buying an ounce of the stickiest of the ickiest.  And I’m going to take a huge bong hit in your honor – you stupid whore.