I've learned that I'd rather look at pictures of beautiful women than ugly politicians.

• Capitalism is socialism for the rich.
• White people love to teabag.
• Obama hates brown people as much as white presidents.
• Dick Cheney scares me.
• Hitler provided Jews with universal health care.
• Thomas Friedman and David Brooks love sucking dick.
• It’s okay to have secret meetings with powerful corporations unless you’re Dick Cheney.
• Progressives are pussies.
• A shit ton of people watch Fox News.
• The Wire is the greatest show in the history of man.
• Anyone can write a best selling  book.
• Glenn Beck makes me cry.
• Facebook has shown me how insane people are.
• Religious people shouldn’t be allowed to vote.
• Everything that comes out of Sarah Palin is retarded.
• Old people are worthless.
• A lot of shitty celebrities died this year.
• I hate American Idol.
• Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Glenn Beck, and Bill O’Reilly all hate the same people.
• MSNBC is not Fox News for liberals.
• There is no such thing as the Liberal Media.
• I’m sick of hearing about 9/11.
• There are no more ugly news anchors.
• Liberals are as loyal to Obama as Conservatives are to Bush.
• I fucking hate politics.

Fox News has gotten the scoop of the century on Hollywood’s political views since covering the Israeli slaughtering of Palestinians is to boring.

After years of silence, conservatives are coming out of the closet.

Sticking their necks out has not always been good for business. Mark Vafiades, president of the Hollywood Congress of Republicans, says, “I’m hoping that one day politics won’t make a difference in Hollywood. But because there is still subtle intolerance here, conservatives remain somewhat shy.

“If you come to an audition wearing a Bush or McCain button, the casting director will most likely pick another actor. Just being on a set you hear people bashing Bush and the right, because they assume everyone agrees.”

“In too many cases, conservatives are immediately labeled racist, homophobic, bigoted, hateful, demonic, or even un-American without the benefit of debate, and are locked out of the hiring process, with a few exceptions.”

Couldn’t Fox have used something better than “coming out the closet” to describe what’s happening?  Stepping out of the shadows?  Standing up for what they believe in?  Exercising their first Amendment rights?  Anything would have been better than “coming out the closet”.

And why the fuck would you go to an audition wearing a political button?   You don’t know what the director’s political views are.  You wouldn’t walk into a job interview with a political button on would you?  Fuck no.  Everyone knows that. So fuck these stupid actors who think they can audition with their stupid buttons on.

Besides, why the hell are they wearing a Bush button?  The guy hasn’t ran for office since 2004. Celebrities are fucking retarded.  I don’t give a shit about what they believe in, who they pray too, what their eating habits are, who they’re fucking, how many kids they have, what type of STDs they have, how many drugs they take, what their favorite book is, or any other personal details about themselves.

These are the two things I care about. If they’re a male celebrity, I care if they make me laugh. They make me laugh then I’ll see their movie.  If they’re a female celebrity, they better be good looking and they better show me some titties.  If they do that then I will rent their movie and enjoy it in the privacy of my own home.

That’s it. That’s the only thing I care about. So unless celebrities follow my rules then they could all die in a plane crash over the Atlantic Ocean like JFK Jr and I wouldn’t give a shit.

The Augusta Chronicle is running a section in their paper were elementary, middle and high school students write letters to  Barack Obama, telling him what they hope he will do once he gets into office on January 20th. Since Barack Obama is an amazing person, he decided to write back.  This is why he’s going to be a better president than George Bush.

Dear Mr. President,
My name is Dasani Gates and there are a few things I would like for you to do as president. One thing I would like for you to do is improve the salary of working people. If you would improve the salary of working people, my mom wouldn’t have to work two jobs to support me and my family. The next thing I would like for you to do as president is to lower prices for gas, food, and taxes. If you would lower the prices for these things my mom would have more money to buy me more clothes to wear and more toys to play with. I would also like you to improve the health care benefits for everyone in America. If you improve the health care benefits, everyone would have better dental and medical care for their families. The last thing I would like you to do as president is to improve the learning environment for all students in America. If you improve the learning environment, we would have better schools to learn in, new books to learn with and better after-school activities so everyone will be well rounded students. I believe if you do these things you will be the best president in the United States of America.
Sincerely,
Dasani Gates
Second-grader at Lord House of Praise
Christian School; Waynesboro, Ga.

Dear Ms. Gates,
I want to start off this letter by thanking you for writing.  I know how hard it is to sit down and put words on paper and I’m glad that your second grade teacher forced you to do this.  This shows that you can follow orders and I value that.  But what the fuck are you thinking telling me what to do?  Have you forgotten who I am already?  I’m BARACK OBAMA bitch.  Don’t you think I’ve already thought up of ways to improve people’s salary?  What the fuck do you think I’ve been doing since I slapped that old white guy in the face with my big black dick?  I’ve got shit under control.

Instead of worrying about people’s salaries, you should be worrying about how selfish you are.  Asking me to raise your mother’s salary so she can buy you clothes and toys and shit.  You’re lucky you aren’t my daughter or I would beat the shit out of you for being selfish and disrespecting your mother like that.  I’m sure she doesn’t want you writing me to complain about how poor you are.  You’ve lost your goddamn mind.  You know what?  Because you’ve insulted your mother, I’m going to make sure your school doesn’t get any funding and your second grade teacher is fired.  How do you like that bitch?
Thanks again for writing me and letting me know how you feel. Hope you have a great year.

God bless you and God bless America,
President Barack Obama

Dear Mr. President,
I want you to keep companies in America so my dad will stop looking to see if it’s made in China. It is important to keep jobs because one of my friend’s dad does not have a job.
Get better schools for your kids. Please get a better facility and supplies for your kids. We only have two computers in our classroom. We could learn more with more computers. Send us some money please.
Sincerely,
Savannah Makowski
Third-grader at
Roy Rollins Elementary School, Augusta

Dear Ms. Makowski,
I want you to do something for me, alright?  I want you to walk up to your dad and tell him to SHUT THE FUCK UP.  Why the hell is he complaining about China now?  I don’t see any letters written to Ronald Regan from him about this China problem.  I wonder why? Oh that’s right, it’s because I’m black. I’m that Magical Negro and I’m supposed to use my magical powers to make all the white people feel better.  Ain’t that right masta’?

Your father he can go fuck himself in his deer stand.  I hope him and your best friend’s dad go hunting, get drunk and kill get other…stupid fucking rednecks.

As far as my kids go, you’re goddamn right they will have the best of everything. I’m not stupid enough to send them to a poor school like your worthless father did to you.  You can forget me sending you money because your dad will take it and spend it on Bud Light and chewing tobacco.  One second thought..I will send you some money because I hope your dad gets drunk and beats the shit out of you and your mom.

God bless you and God bless America,
President Barack Obama

Dear President Obama,
Congratulations on being the next president of the United States! I hope you will make the best decisions for our country. One of the most important things I think you should reconsider is this: Every time you make a decision, think about how it will affect everyone and put yourself in their position. I find that helps me to make the right decisions. For example: abortion. What if you were the baby? If you could fast forward in time and defend yourself, would you? ONly you can make this decision for yourself. I hope you choose wisely for this country. God bless.
Sincerely,
Will Skelton
Eighth-grader at
Stallings Island Middle School, Evans

Dear Will Skelton,
Thank you for congratulation me on becoming the new President.  I’m not going to lie…I was shocked that I won.  I thought that old man and his super hot, stupid bitch would steal the election from me like George Bush did to Al Gore and John Kerry.  But I was wrong…and that will be the only time I’ll ever be wrong again.

Now about your question on if I was a baby would I defend myself from abortion.  Who put you up to that?  I bet it was your mom, wasn’t it?  Or was it your grandma?  It couldn’t have been your father because he would have made you ask me about China like Savannah’s dad did since I’m sure he is a huge fucking redneck.  Let me ask you something…why do you care about abortion?  Does it affect you in any way?  Is it your body?  Does it even concern you?

Fuck no it doesn’t, so how about you mind your own goddamn business. When you give birth three or four times and have to go through everything a woman has to go through, then I will take your question into consideration. Until then, you and your goddamn  family can shut the fuck up.

Goddamn I wish your mother would have aborted you. Then I wouldn’t have had to read your stupid fucking letter…you dumb shit.

God bless you and God bless America,
President Barack Obama

Dear President Obama,

America is ready for change. I am very glad you are going to be our next president because there have been too many Republicans in the presidency. I think there should be less conflict between the Republicans and the Democrats. Please lower taxes and take the troops out of Iraq; we are ready for them to come home. I hope that you will lower gas prices and that you will help the economy get back in shape as only you can.

Sincerely,
Benjamin Allen
Eighth-grader at
Stallings Island Middle School, Evans

Dear Benjamin Allen,
I too believe America is ready for a change and that’s why I made it my motto during the election. I just kept repeating “Change we can believe in” and soon enough people thought I could change things and they elected me.  Ha…people are so goddamn stupid.

Do you really think I’m going to change anything?  I’m not going to lower taxes, I’m going to raise them.  I’m not going to withdraw troops from Iraq, I’m going to send more.  I’m not going to give people universal health care, I’m going to help the insurance companies.  I’m going to do what ever other president has done before me, make the rich, richer and poor, poorer.  The only difference is I’m a nice looking black man with a mouthful of pearly white teeth and washboard abs.

I hope you like the ass fucking because it isn’t going to stop anytime soon.

God bless you and God bless America,
President Barack Obama

Are you fucking serious?

McCain vows to help lead ‘loyal opposition’

Sen. John McCain promised Sunday he will work to build consensus in tackling the huge challenges facing the country, and criticized his own party for its latest attack on President-elect Barack Obama.

You’re going to lead a ‘loyal opposition’ to help Barack Obama in tackling the challenges facing the country? How fucking stupid are you? Do you even know what those words mean?

Let me help you:

Loyal (adj) – : faithful to a cause, ideal, custom, institution, or product

Opposition (noun) – hostile or contrary action or condition

Goddamnit, how does this man continue to get elected into public office?  Why doesn’t anyone call him out on this shit? Would it be so hard to go, “John, umm, that doesn’t make any fucking sense.  You sure you want me to print that?”

Jesus Christ this pisses me off.  Will someone please finish what the Vietnamese started?

By now I’m sure everyone has heard, read, and/or talked about Rob Blagojevich getting arrest. My question is…who the fuck cares?

Politicians are worthless, slimy, pussified, pricks who use their power to only better themselves.  Not one fucking politician gives a shit about you and your family.

Don’t believe me? Ask Ted Stevens. That old fuck was in the Senate while he was fucking over America. At least this prick only fucked over Illinois.

So instead of ranting about how pathetic our elected officials are and how it will never get better, I thought I would leave you with different.  An important question that will affect your life…is having sex with a robot hooker cheating?

Best sandwich ever

I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving. Remember to thank the Indians for allowing themselves to be slaughtered for our benefit…Manifest Destiny baby…Manifest Destiny.

Shit going down in India – This vacation will never be forgotten. I wonder…do you think the hotels will give their guest refunds? It’s the least they could do, right?

FBI warns of attacks – This attack better happen. I’m getting sick of all the fucking warnings and nothing happening. Make up your fucking mind FBI, will terrorist attack or won’t they? Let’s be honest…the FBI doesn’t know shit. They just like to tell us these things to scare us. Fuck the FBI, stupid worthless assholes.

Happy Thanksgiving – Politics By Satire has a post up with a few fun facts about Thanksgiving. Thought I would share.

Ann Coulter’s mouth is wired shut – That lady is the biggest cunt in the world but I’d still fuck her. I’d knock her up and see if she keeps the kid. If she doesn’t have an abortion then she is a lady of her word. Which is good…not enough people keep their word now.

Hot mom does teenagers – Where the hell was this when I was a teenager? My friends’ moms were so ugly I wouldn’t fuck them with a stolen dildo. I should of chosen my friends based on how hot their moms were. God I’m stupid.

Bailout Info Graphic – That’s impressive…

Where would we be without Fox News’ hard hitting stories?

President-elect Barack Obama is looking very presidential these days. When he makes an announcement, he is ringed by American flags and stands behind a lectern that has a very presidential-looking placard announcing “The Office of the President-Elect.”

But the props are merely that. Under the Constitution, there is no such thing as the Office of the President-elect.

Come on Fox. Is this really front page news?  Shouldn’t you be reporting on something more important, like how we are getting rapped by the government?

Of course not.

That’s not news. Why would you want to inform the public on things that actually affects them?

What do I know?

Nothing.

Please continue informing the masses on why Obama is the reason why our economy is shitting itself.

That’s more important than this…

Why does Barack Obama put out negative ads?  He rips into John McCain for going negative and yet he turns around and does the same thing.  Doesn’t that make him a hypocrite?  Why doesn’t the liberal media report that?  I’m sick of all the Barack Obama loving that he gets from CNN and Fox News.  When will the American people get the truth about politics from those who aren’t corrupt?

What’s that?  This ad wasn’t made by Obama?  Who made it then?   A regular citizen?  Get out of here.  Are you serious?  Really?

Well I still hate it. Why?  I….I’m jealous of the voice. My voice won’t get that low.  I try but I sound like the Chipmunks on helium.  Seriously.

I don’t know when the Lord will allow my testicals to drop but I pray that it is soon…very soon.

CNN has some “special commentary” from this guy.  His name is Joseph E. Stiglitz and he won some kind of award in some kind of money field.  I can’t remember off the top of my head so it can’t be that important.  What is important for you to know is this guy is full of crap.  He says things are bad for the economy and how he would change it if he were in charge.  Silly man.  Doesn’t he know that John McCain said yesterday that the fundamentals of the economy are fine?

I’m sorry but I believe POW John McCain over some money bag elitist. I call it like I see it folks and I’m calling that guy an ass.

Rock on dude...

I just had my trackback cherry popped today.  Someone linked to a post of mine on their website.  Which post?  How about the one talking about Jesus is for torture.  The best part?  The paragraph explaining what the post meant:

This post touches on the topic of whether torture should ever be a legal or extra-legal option in the hands of the state. According to a poll to which the post links, Americans are evenly divided on the issue, whereas evangelicals by a majority ( – along with Alan Dershowitz, I might add – ) think torture needs to be, as I would phrase it, safe (not causing permanent bodily injury to the tortured) and rare (a last resort).

Thank you sir. That is exactly what I was trying to get across. Jesus is for torture only if it is safe and used as a last resort. You know…kind of like condom use or birth control.

Why did I just compare torture to sex?

You’ve never slept with me…that’s why.