Tue 10 Feb, 2009
Finally….a Senator I can masturbate to.
Fans of porn star Stormy Daniels are drafting her to run for the U.S. Senate seat in Louisiana now held by Republican Sen. David Vitter. And it’s no racy gimmick, they say.
The Draft Stormy Web site says that “2010 presents the Pelican State with the opportunity to start with a clean slate — to elect a representative that we can be proud of, who will work tirelessly, and who will challenge the status quo. We at the Draft Stormy campaign feel that Baton Rouge native Stormy Daniels is best suited to fulfill these duties.”
I think the people of Louisiana would be stupid not to vote for her. She’s qualified. She used to be an editor for her high school newspaper and the president of her 4-H club. And best of all…she takes a dick like a champ. What is there not to love about her?
“But Ron…she’s a porn star. She has had more cocks inside her mouth than a Catholic priest. To be a Senator, you have to be pure. You have to be as clean as James Dobson. You can’t have any dark secrets in your past or else your opponent will use them against you.”
Oh really? I didn’t know that, concerned Republican citizen I just made up. You mean to tell me that Senator David Vitter doesn’t have any skeletons in his closet?
“Not that I know of. From what I hear, he is a good, God fearing, Christian man.”
Is that right, fake old lady who jumped into the conversation without me asking you too? If you truly believe that, than you need to read the front page of the newspaper instead of the fucking obituaries. Because when you do, you will see that David Vitter has a huge prostitution habit. First he fucked around with Madam D.C. from October 12,1999 to February 27,2001 (who’s now dead, I’m not saying David Vitter killed her, just saying that it’s strange that she’s dead now) and he just got done fucking Wendy Cortez who worked for the “Canal Street Madam”…which is a bad ass name for a boss.
“So what. Those are just rumors created by the left-wing propaganda machine. This woman, this Stormy Daniels, has had sex with numerous people on camera. Sometimes it would be her and four other men, doing disgusting things that sort of turned me on.”
Oh shut the fuck up with that stupid “left-wing” shit, fake church going college student who has illegally downloaded every Stormy Daniels’ video. So what if she’s taken it up the ass while jerking off two men and receiving a mouthful of semen? I don’t see you doing that. Why? Because that takes talent. Talent you don’t have. Plus, she isn’t hiding it from the American people. She isn’t acting like she’s better than everyone else, while going behind her spouse’s back and paying thousands of dollars for sex with a woman who isn’t good looking enough to get into porn so she has to become a hooker to feed her sex habit.
I know the real reason why people don’t want to vote for her and I understand. Look, if she gets elected and can’t make those sweet fucking videos of her using her God-given talent of riding a dick while wearing 8-inch heels, there will be other sexy porn stars to take her place. Don’t be selfish.
So do me a favor and listen to what she has to say. Please? It can’t be any worse than that stupid fuck who’s in the Senate now. Because I’m sure if Stormy Daniels was the Senator of Louisiana, she would be on her knees asking who’s dick she had to suck to insure that her state got the money it needs to fucking rebuild New Orleans.
Tags: David Vitter, Democrats, Hookers, Porn Stars, Republicans, Stormy Daniels, This is great
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