Naw, I’m just fucking with you. He’s probably embarrassed :

There’s a new slogan making its way onto car bumpers and across the Internet. It reads simply: “Pray for Obama: Psalm 109:8”

A nice sentiment?

Maybe not.

The psalm reads, “Let his days be few; and let another take his office.”

Presidential criticism through witty slogans is nothing new. Bumper stickers, t-shirts, and hats with “1/20/09” commemorated President Bush’s last day in office.

But the verse immediately following the psalm referenced is a bit more ominous: “Let his children be fatherless, and his wife a widow.”

Someone please help me out, because I’m confused with this religion stuff. Alright, now if you’re a Christian then that means you believe in Jesus Christ, right? And if you believe in Jesus Christ then you follow the New Testament, right? Then why the fuck are these Christians quoting the Old Testament?

See, I always thought that Jesus taught his followers to love their enemies. But I’m not getting that vibe from these people. They seem to get off on the whole ‘eye for an eye’ thing. Which is fine if they practiced Judaism. But they don’t, and that pisses me off.

Why? Because they’re able to do/say awful things to people they don’t like because of the Old Testament while not feeling guilty about it because of the New Testament. And it’s fucking bullshit.

Either pick the Old Testament or the New Testament, Judaism or Christianity, you crazy fucks, because you can’t have both. You can’t claim gay people are evil because of some verse in Leviticus and then say you’re free from sin because of some verse in Mathew…wait, I’ve never heard those shitheads quoting Matthew. Or any other New Testament verse besides Revelation.

So how the fuck do these people claim to be Christians? And why the fuck do people call them Christians?

Goddammit, this shit is a thousands times more confusing than watching Lost on LSD.

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Tags: I don't understand religion, Obama, Religion, Stupid people piss me off, White People
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But I can’t understand you with all those Blackwater soldiers’ balls in your mouth.

The declarations describe Blackwater as “having young girls provide oral sex to Enterprise members in the ‘Blackwater Man Camp’ in exchange for one American dollar.” They add even though Prince frequently visited this camp, he “failed to stop the ongoing use of prostitutes, including child prostitutes, by his men.”

So Erik Prince let Blackwater soldiers’ shove their balls into little girls’ mouths for one American dollar. Big deal. Catholic priests did the same thing to little boys, yet I don’t see any outrage from the Obama administration. So can’t we just brush this thing under the Constitution? Because I don’t want the wrath of God brought upon America if the Obama administration terminates Blackwater’s contracts.

I know, I’ll pray for Erik Prince, his company, and America.

Dear All-Powerful God,

Please continue to grant Blackwater billions of dollars in taxpayers’ money in order to protect this great nation from blood thirsty Muslim terrorist. Please don’t let that evil cock sucking Obama use his Kenyan voodoo magic to trick Congress into terminating those contracts.

And Gentle Heavenly Father, please strike down those corrupt ex-Blackwater employees who lied about Erik Prince killing whistle blowers and smuggling illegal weapons into a war zone. Your prophet does not need his glorious name dragged through the mud while he is protecting this beautiful country You gave us.

In Your Name I pray…Amen.

Alright, I feel good about that prayer. I feel like God is going to do everything I asked. All I have to do now is  sit back and wait for His holy light to shine on Blackwater and….wait..what’s that Lord? Really? Praise Your Name!!!

Just days before two former Blackwater employees alleged in sworn statements filed in federal court that the company’s owner, Erik Prince, “views himself as a Christian crusader tasked with eliminating Muslims and the Islamic faith from the globe,” the Obama administration extended a contract with Blackwater for more than $20 million for “security services” in Iraq, according to federal contract data obtained by The Nation. The State Department contract is scheduled to run through September 3.

See, God always answers the prayers of those who pray for the rich and politically connected.

And this goes to show you that God doesn’t want America to have universal health care. Because if He did He would force the Obama administration to terminate those contracts and pull out of the Middle East…which isn’t going to happen. Because if there’s one thing God hates more than Muslims it’s helping poor people get health care.

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Tags: Blackwater, Child Prostitution, Erik Prince, Erik Prince is Catholic, I'm sure the Pope approves this, Religion
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Praise Jebus for groupthink.

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Tags: God, I need to make my own religion, Laughing, Religion, What the fuck is wrong with people, White People
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Maybe I need to rethink this whole Christianity thing.

I have been doing a lot of soul searching on that front. What I find interesting is the story of David, and the way in which he fell mightily, he fell in very very significant ways. But then picked up the pieces and built from there.

I remain committed to rebuilding the trust that has been committed to me over the next 18 months, and it is my hope that I am able to follow the example set by David in the Bible — who after his fall from grace humbly refocused on the work at hand. By doing so, I will ultimately better serve in every area of my life, and I am committed to doing so.

Welp, I’m becoming a crazy Christian now because I can get away with anything as long as a famous Bible character did it.

So it’s okay for me to fuck my own daughters because Lot did it. And it’s okay for me to kill 42 children because Elisha did it. And fuck yeah, I can become a mass murderer just like Samson.

Damn this is so fucking cool. What are some other awesome things I can do?

I can sleep with thousands of women while I’m married because of Solomon. I can commit genocide like King David. And I can persuade a group of people to kill someone I don’t agree with like Paul. I can do all of these things because the Bible is my “Do Whatever The Fuck You Want And Get Away With It” card.

How can you not love this deal? Sure I’ll have to live in constant fear of pissing of God, but that’s a risk I’m willing to take. Besides, my boy Jesus is controlling my life now, and he’s never lead anyone astray.

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Tags: I wish I had a powerful imaginary friend, Jesus, Mark Sanford, Religion
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Can you spot the difference between these two pictures?  If you said no because both pictures are religious propaganda then give yourself a fucking hand.

In a lengthy article on Donald Rumsfeld’s rocky tenure as Defense Secretary, GQ published never-before-seen cover sheets from top-secret intelligence briefings produced by Rumsfeld’s Pentagon. Starting in the days surrounding the U.S. invasion of Iraq, the cover sheets featured inspirational Bible verses printed over military images, “and were delivered by Rumsfeld himself to the White House” to the president, “who referred to America’s war on terror as a ‘crusade,’” GQ writes. (view the images here)

Not only were our soldiers handing out Bibles while slaughtering hundreds of innocent civilians, but our former president was getting daily military briefings with retarded Bible Verses and military images on the front page.  What retarded Bible Verses were used you ask?  These award winners:

Teir arrows are sharp, all their bows are strung; their horses’ hoofs seem like flint, their chariot wheels are like a whirl wind. Isaiah 5:28

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Ephesians 6:13

Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. Proverbs 16:3

But the award for “Most Retarded Bible Verse That Graced the Cover of a Top Secret Military Briefing Given to George W. Bush” is:

It is God’s will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish men. 1 Peter 2:15

This is a bad dream right?  I mean, there’s no way the former President of the Untied States and his administration used the deaths of 3,000 American citizens to justify torture and use it to get suspected terrorist to provide a false link to a shitty third world country so we could invade it and give billions of taxpayers’s dollars to their political friends while sacrificing thousands of American lives – right?

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Tags: Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld, Fuck God and Religion, George W. Bush, God, Religion
Comments (9)

I’m sick of hearing how great God is.  I’m sick of hearing how our politicians love him, and how much they pray to him.  I’m sick of seeing little children getting brainwashed into thinking they’re worthless.  I’m sick of hearing how bad things happen because we’ve forsaken him.  I’m sick of seeing thousands of educated people cram into some goofy looking building to worship a fictitious being.

I’m sick of hearing how some family that’s had their child raped and murdered by some fucked up psychopath say, “This is a part of God’s Will.” I’m sick of hearing how we don’t need to worry about the economy because, “God will take care of it.”     I’m sick of hearing people say, “We don’t need to worry about Global warming because God won’t let man destroy the world.”

Goddammit people, get your fucking heads out of the sand.  Most of the shit that’s gone on in the world today can be traced back to our government.  Our government, Republicans and  Democrats, allow shit to happen to us.

It was our government that passed laws allowing corporations to build factories in other countries, which forced millions of Americans out of work- not God.  It was our government that passed laws deregulating Wall Street, which destroyed millions of Americans’ 401(k)s – not God.  It was our government that passed laws allowing them to take our personal freedom and wiretap millions of Americans – not God.

Our government has had a hand in every fucking problem we’re facing today, yet you ignorant bastards would rather believe some all-knowing, all-powerful dickbag is allowing all this shit to happen because you’ve pissed him off; instead of opening your goddamn eyes and seeing how bad you’re getting fucked over by the people who’ve been sworn to protect you.

You know the government is the root of your problems.  You know the government is the cause of everything that’s wrong in this world.  You know the government is ran by evil people who only care about themselves, yet you can’t admit it.  Why?

Because you’re a pussy.

Because it’s easier to wish your problems away.  Because it’s easier to make excuses like, “I’m just one person.  What can I do?”  and  “I want to protest, but I don’t know how to get people to come with me.”  But you can meet up every Sunday with a few hundred of your friends, and pray to your invisible buddy for help.

What a bunch of horseshit.

I’m getting fucking tried of you stupid fucking people saying, “God will take care of everything.  We just need to sit here and not question those who are in power because God put them there.  And who are we to question God?”

So if you’re one of those people, do me a favor – kill yourself.  Because you’re not trying to help find a solution, you’re a part of the goddamn problem.

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Tags: Democrats, Religion, Republicans, Stupid people, White House
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That man hasn’t experienced the warmth of his wife’s lady parts in a long time.

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Tags: Barack Obama, Jesus, Mimi Bobeck, Religion, That woman needs to stop eating
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