Thu 25 Sep, 2008
God why can’t my church be this badass?
That pastor casts out witches while mine talks about the gay agenda. This church speaks in tongues while mine can’t even read Bible verses from the King James edition. That pastor sounds like a black Russell Crow, mine sounds like a poor man’s Casey Kasem.
Jesus I can’t wait till November 4.
McCain/Palin 08 baby!!!! YYYYYEEEEAAAA!!!!
Tags: Crazy Jesus Followers, John McCain, Pastor, Religion, Sarah PalinSat 20 Sep, 2008
I had more respect for You , Jesus. Come on Man…spying on women while they work out? As a water stain?
What’s happened to you? You went from getting Your feet washed by medieval groupies to spying on fat, middle aged, country, white women. Has it been that long since You last got some or have you developed a taste for women with extra meat on their bones? I mean because I don’t judge…You taught me that, so you know….
Anyways. Why did You show up in a crappy gym like that? You couldn’t show up in some gym out in California? You know, the ones where Hollywood stars go to get in shape? I mean I know how they just passed a law allowing gay marriage but even You have to enjoy seeing two sexy females cleaning each others’ carpet. Right? I mean I know You’ve seen some shit in Your day.
I….I….I’m sorry Lord. I didn’t mean to say that shit. And I didn’t mean to use the word shit. And I really didn’t mean to say it again. I also didn’t mean to imply that You enjoy watching two consenting adults express their love for one another while in their own home.
Wha….what I’m trying to say is, I just think You can do better. You are Lord Jesus. The Lamb of God. The Long Hair Messiah. You can do anything you want.
I’m sure You are just trying to keep us on our toes and we appreciate it. It let’s us know that you are real and not some fairy tale our ancestors made up in order to keep their kids from misbehaving.
But just in case You were being serious, we’ll keep this our little secret. Okay? Good.
Because if Your Father found out about this….let’s just say that You’d be wishing your name was Job before He was done with You.
Fri 19 Sep, 2008
I love Jesus. I really do. I believe that He died on the cross for our sins and did some sort of voodoo to live again. I believe that He is all about loving one another and helping out the poor. I just don’t believe He really cares about people boycotting movies in His name:
The founder of the movie review company Movieguide has joined the growing ranks of protesters calling for a box office boycott of two films that feature sexually explicit scenes involving young girls.
This is abhorrent and abusive,” said Movieguide founder Ted Baehr, who is also the chairman of the Christian Film & Television Commission. “We are calling on people to avoid these movies, to tell other people not to see it.”
A national campaign against two two movies is growing in strength. Family and women’s groups have been especially active in North Carolina, where the controversial child-rape scene in “Hounddog” was filmed. Baehr said “Hounddog” received nearly $400,000 in tax credits funded by state citizens.
“In this economic condition I don’t think most taxpayers want their taxes misused to provide for pedophilia,” Baehr said.
Baehr has joined the “No More Child Porn” campaign, run by Donna Miller, the Fayetteville, N.C., chapter leader of Concerned Women for America — a coalition of conservative women who promote Biblical values and family traditions. They are a part of about 200 smaller groups around the country who have joined the protest.
Which parent brought up this campaign idea at the last PTA meeting? Do people seriously think Jesus would care if you boycotted them? Really? He’s probably pissed at everyone for promoting the sorry movies. Now they’ll make half their budget back.
I’ve never even heard of these movies before but now I want to watch Towelhead. Just to see if 18 year old can pull off playing a sexually active 13 year old.
If she can…I smell Oscar.
Tags: Crazy Jesus Followers, Fox News, Jesus, Religion, TowelheadWed 17 Sep, 2008
Rock on dude...
I just had my trackback cherry popped today. Someone linked to a post of mine on their website. Which post? How about the one talking about Jesus is for torture. The best part? The paragraph explaining what the post meant:
This post touches on the topic of whether torture should ever be a legal or extra-legal option in the hands of the state. According to a poll to which the post links, Americans are evenly divided on the issue, whereas evangelicals by a majority ( – along with Alan Dershowitz, I might add – ) think torture needs to be, as I would phrase it, safe (not causing permanent bodily injury to the tortured) and rare (a last resort).
Thank you sir. That is exactly what I was trying to get across. Jesus is for torture only if it is safe and used as a last resort. You know…kind of like condom use or birth control.
Why did I just compare torture to sex?
You’ve never slept with me…that’s why.
Tags: Cherry Popped, Politics, Religion, Site NewsSun 14 Sep, 2008
Silly Mormon. When you admit that your religion is a phony and finally realize that Jesus never came [get your mind out of Satan's trashcan] been to America, then I will take your word. Until then…you shut your damn mouth out the war veteran John McCain.
Tags: CNN, Fox News, I'm hungry, Jesus, John McCain, Main Stream Media, Mitt Romney, Religion, Republicans, Sarah PalinSun 14 Sep, 2008
Yesterday I broke a story about Barack Obama selling waffles with his face on the box for his campaign. Well I just learned that Obama didn’t do it. Two patriotic Americans, Mark Whitlock and Bob DeMoss, made these delicious waffles. Somehow the extremely liberal New York Times scored the first interview. Don’t ask how they did it but I’m sure it involved some Chinese male hooker driving a taxi full of Columbian cocaine. Just a theory. Hey..every man (excluding Jesus of course) has a price. Anyways the article reveals where Mark Whitlock and Bob DeMoss got their inspiration for this amazing product:
Asked if he considered the pictures of Obama on the box to be racial stereotypes, Whitlock said: ”We had some people mention that to us, but you think of Newman’s Own or Emeril’s — there are tons and tons of personality-branded food products on the market. So we’ve taken that model and, using political satire, have highlighted his policies, his position changes.”
When people ask me “Ron why do you believe in God?” I respond with a heart warming story about two men who had a dream, a dream of selling slightly racist waffles. They tried thousands of black faces on the side of different boxes. Each combination was met with failure. Until one fathiful day at a grocery store, they spotted a can of Newman’s Own. With Paul Newman’s chiseled face making sweet mind love to their frontal lobe, they won over the hearts at the christian convention Value Voters Summit with the best “slightly racist waffles” called “Obama Waffles.”
Sat 13 Sep, 2008
Boy those waffles look good
Obama is trying everything he can to raise money. First it was the ad comparing himself to Paris Hilton so he could get the white teen girl vote. Then he decides to talk about how he was a community organizer in order to gain the Jesus sympathy vote. And now he has put his face on a box of waffles for the I’m sick of pancakes vote. Do you have any shame sir? When will you stop forcing yourself down the our throats?
Wait…what’s that?
You say that this waffle thing wasn’t made by Obama? It was made by Mark Whitlock and Bob DeMoss and sold at the Values Voter Summit? Oh man…those guys are good. That is some really funny stuff. Haha. Did they make Obama look like that because of the Aunt Jemima lady? God…someone give those guys a metal. What metal? The metal for “Funniest Racist Christian Award”.
Go ahead. I know I should be the winner of that award but I swear to you Lord…I will get that award….I swear.
Tags: Barack Obama, Conservatives, Democrats, Funny, God, McCain, Religion, Religious, Republicans, Waffles
