Once again South Carolina shows the world how freaky its politicians are.

A deputy assistant attorney general who said he was on his lunch break when an officer found him with a stripper and sex toys in his sport utility vehicle has been fired, his boss said Wednesday.

Roland Corning, 66, a former state legislator, was in a secluded part of a downtown cemetery when an officer spotted him Monday, according to a police report obtained by The Associated Press under the Freedom of Information Act.

Now I know what you’re thinking, and no, this isn’t the best part of the article. This is the best part:

He then searched the SUV, where he found a Viagra pill and several sex toys, items Corning said he always kept with him, “just in case,” according to the report.

That’s what I’m talking about. You’ve always got to be prepared because you never know when some hot stripper wants you to take her to a cemetery and fuck her in the butt with an assortment of dildos. And you never know how long she wants to fuck so you have to have one Viagra pill just in case.

So can we cut Roland Corning some slack? I mean, sure he obviously had to pay this women to fuck him. And sure, he’s prosecuted plenty of people who’ve paid for sex. But this man is 66-years-old and he’s banging a 18-year-old woman while teasing her butthole with a couple of rubber dicks. He deserves our respect.

And I’m giving it to him. Because when I’m 66-year-old man I hope some 18-year-old woman is so hard up for money that she’s willing to swallow her pride by swallowing my dick.

 Subscribe to PhuckPolitics

Tags: Republican, Roland Corning, Sex Toys, South Carolina, Stripper, The Man Is a Pimp
Comments (7)

What’s your deal? First you kill Billy Mays, then you fuck over Mark Sanford, and now you force Sarah Palin to resign.

Outgoing Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin on Saturday laid the groundwork to take on a larger, national role after leaving state government, citing a “higher calling” with the aim of uniting the country along conservative lines.

Okay, I can understand you taking Billy Mays because you needed his expertise in getting out wine stains. And I can forgive you for striking down Mark Sanford since he missed your sign on whom he should marry. But why did you have to force Sarah Palin to resign?

Was it because she didn’t support the Bridge to Nowhere, or because she likes to read so much? Did you kick her out of office because you were pissed at her for not shining a light on teen pregnancy,  or because she was too humble and didn’t want to make a concession speech?

Tell me God. Tell me why you took the only thing I loved in this world. Tell me why you forced a fighter, someone who speaks from the heart and who cuts through all the political bullshit, out of office. Tell me why you made her ruin America’s birthday.

Oh, well I guess that’s a pretty good reason.

So umm, you think maybe you could leak that video? Because if you did, I’d be your best friend.

[Ed. note - Yeah, that last link isn't work safe. Click at your own risk.]

 Subscribe to PhuckPolitics

Tags: God, I'm going to miss the crazy bitch, Republican, Sarah Palin
Comments (10)

And they did nothing?

E-mails obtained by The State newspaper in December detailed an affair between Gov. Mark Sanford and Maria, a woman in Buenos Aires, Argentina.

What the fuck The State? Why would you sit on this story? Was it because  you enjoyed watching Mark Sanford on Fox News? Or was it because you enjoyed hearing him talk? Or was it because you enjoyed knowing 7,500 teachers were going to get fired by this jackass?

No? Then why the fuck didn’t you come out with these e-mails sooner?

However, attempts to verify the e-mails — from an anonymous source — were fruitless, until Wednesday. Then, acting on another anonymous tip that Sanford would be on a plane returning from Argentina, the paper sent a reporter to Atlanta.

Oh I get it, you couldn’t act on these e-mails because they were from an anonymous source, but you could act on an anonymous tip.

Get the fuck out of here with that stupid shit.

What’s so hard about having a reporter call Mark Sanford’s chief of staff and say, “Yeah Frank, I’ve got a couple of e-mails in my hand between Mark Sanford and some Argentinian woman named Maria, and I’ve got to be honest, they’re a little sexual. What’s your response?”

But no, you had to sit on this fucking story while Mark Sanford talked shit about the stimulus plan. I mean, you couldn’t have posted one e-mail to shut him up? For fuck’s sake it didn’t even have to be a long one. This one would have worked.

From: Mark Sanford

To: Maria

Date: Fri, 4 Jul 2008 03:09:44 +0000

Dearest,

You are glorious and I hope you really understand that. You do not need a therapist to help you figure your place in the world. You are special and unique and fabulous in a whole host of ways that are worth a much longer conversation. To be continued …

Have been having a few email problems as I am getting email through an aircard at the farm, where access to computer world is more than tough. Please let me know if you have gotten my last two eamils (sic) so I know it is working in getting to your part of the world …

Another glorious day outside. Hope you are doing well, and am anxious to hear about your week. Know that I miss you. Unbeleivably (sic) hard to imagine it has been a week. Please also send your mailing address as I want to send you an insignificant something next week when I am back in civilization that I think you might find interesting given our conversation.

Want to write an indepth note with some thoughts on our visit when I know you are getting these emails. Hugs and much love. M

Or you could have posted a little piece of the longer e-mails, something like this:

I better stop now least this really sound like the Thornbirds — wherein I was always upset with Richard Chamberlain for not dropping his ambitions and running into Maggie’s arms. The bottom line is two fold, my heart wants me to get on a plane tonight and to be in your loving arms — my head is saying how do we put the Genie back in the bottle because I sure don’t want to be encumbering you, or your options or your life.

I mean come on, the guy is talking about the fucking Thorn Birds for Christ’s sake. You should have nailed this guy. You should have shown the world how big a pussy he was. But you did nothing except sit there with his dick in your mouth while he tried to ruin this state.

Goddammit, I can’t wait until the newspaper industry fails.

 Subscribe to PhuckPolitics

Tags: Mark Sanford, Republican, South Carolina, Stimulus Money, The State, This gay is a dick
Comments (5)

Sarah Palin is nothing more than stupid, whiny, worthless fucking cunt.

In a recent interview with conservative John Ziegler, Palin said both “exploited” her twelve-week candidacy — a fact, she said, that “says a great deal about our society.”

“I did see that Tina Fey was named entertainer of the year and Katie Couric’s ratings have risen,” Palin said in the interview. “I know that a lot of people are capitalizing on, oh I don’t know, perhaps some exploiting that was done via me, my family, my administration — that’s a little bit perplexing, but it also says a great deal about our society.”

You know what else says a great deal about our society?  When those who are elected into office abuse their power for personal gain.  Like when she got that stupid kid who couldn’t pull out of her daughter a job that he wasn’t qualified for.  Or when she told the police to hold off arresting his mother on federal drug charges until after the election so it wouldn’t look as bad.  Or when she used taxpayer money to pay for her fucking kids traveling expenses.

Will somebody please shove a dick in this woman’s mouth?  Please?  I’m getting sick of listening to her whine all the goddamn time.  If she wants to get mad at anyone it should be at her own fucking self.  All Tina Fey did was dress up like her and quote her word for fucking word.  And the only thing Katie Couric did was ask her some easy fucking questions.  I mean was it really that hard for her to say what newspapers she reads? Really?

So how is it their fault that she’s so fucking stupid that she gives every woman who wants to run for office a bad name?  She’s so fucking stupid that I couldn’t even watch that porn made about her because I knew that the porn star who was portraying her was better qualified for Vice-President than she was.

Jesus Christ I can’t wait till I turn on Fox News and hear Sean Hannity telling the world that Sarah Palin was killed in a meth lab explosion while getting gang banged by seven old Republican oil men.  It will be the only time my dick gets hard while watching Sean Hannity speak.

 Subscribe to PhuckPolitics

Tags: Fox News, Katie Couric, Republican, Sarah Palin, Sean Hannity, Tina Fey
Comments (13)

 Subscribe to PhuckPolitics

Tags: John McCain, Katie Couric, Republican, Sarah Palin
Comments (0)

Goddamn you Rush. I love your show and everything you stand for but you stole your ‘Colin Powell endorsed Obama only because he was black‘ from me.

I hope you get curable mouth cancer…asshole.

 Subscribe to PhuckPolitics

Tags: Barack Obama, Colin Powell, How the fuck is this guy on radio, Republican, Rush Limbaugh
Comments (4)

The claws are coming out for both campaigns this week.The McCain campaign twisting their head side to side while screaming, “Obama gave a terrorist a hand job in the boy’s locker room after basketball practice this morning.”

And the Obama campaign responded by snapping their fingers and saying “Oh yea? Well that  dirty ‘always-be-feeling-up -on-my-booty” old man gagged on that nasty Keating boy’s cock while in econ-class.”

God.

That’s so hot….I’m getting so turned on….I’ll be right back….

 Subscribe to PhuckPolitics

Tags: Barack Obama, Democrat, Election 08, John McCain, Republican, Sarah Palin, This is stupid as shit
Comments (1)