Was the whole point of Barack Obama’s inauguration to jerk off God?  Every other word was either “God Bless this country” or “God help this man lead” or “God help the people of this country get by” or “God please don’t let me freeze my ass off while I stand here looking like a fucking idiot”.

And they had their ass covered with all the people they brought in for this orgy of Godness.  They brought in Gene Robinson in case God was in favor of gays; they brought in Rick Warren in case He was against gays; and they brought in that cute little black man in case God liked His prays to rhymes.

They even used two different Bibles to swear in Barack Obama and Joe Biden.  Why?  Was one Bible better than the other?  Was one holier than the other?  Did one feel better than the other?  What was the point of that shit?

I hate to break it to you people but God doesn’t give a fuck about America.  He doesn’t give a fuck about anything. Why? Because he isn’t real.  He’s made up.  A figment of your imagination.  But…but if that hurt your pussified eyes to read and you don’t believe me, than I’ve got another answer for why God doesn’t give a shit about America.

He has more important things to worry about than a bunch of stupid, fat, lazy motherfuckers who don’t think for themselves and believe whatever their crooked government tells them to.  Like trying to get stop the killings of thousands of Palestinians in Gaza. Or trying to stop the genocide in Darfur.  Or trying to provide food for the thousands of people starving in Indonesia.  Or maybe He is just too busy trying to figure out what the fuck is going on in Lost.

Whatever the reason is, He doesn’t care.  So please, please, do this country a favor and shut the fuck up with all this crazy talking to an invisible person in the sky shit.

Or if you are going to pray to somebody, how about praying to Jesus…since this country is a “Christian” country. I’m sure that guy is feeling pretty stupid for dying on the cross for a bunch of people who believe in Him but don’t feel the need to pray to Him…

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Tags: Barack Obama, Gene Robinson, God, Rick Warren, White House
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Today marks the day that Barack Obama gets sworn in as President of the United States and since this huge jerk-off festival is costing taxpayers 150 million dollars, I feel like I have a say in what goes on.  So here is a list of things that better happen today or the next time I travel up to Washington, I’m going to leave a flaming plastic bag of my shit on the front steps of the White House.

• Barack Obama wearing an all white business suit that makes P. Diddy jealous.
• Sean Hannity telling Barack Obama’s kids that Santa Claus isn’t real, then licking their face so he can taste their tears.
  
• Barack Obama executing whoever hired Garth Brooks to sing on Monday.
• Garth Brooks being beheaded by Lil Wayne and Jack Black.
• A gay transvestite Puerto Rican midget punching Rick Warren in the nuts then announcing they’re lovers.
• Nancy Pelosi stripped of her Speaker of the House status and pushed down the Capital steps.
• Beyonce giving Barack Obama a lap dance while Jay-z weeps in a corner.
• Dick Cheney getting stabbed in the heart by a homeless WWII veteran.
• The announcement that marijuana is now legal.
• George Bush dying in plane crash.
• Bill O’Reilly getting caught on his knees tossing Barney Frank’s salad.
• Glenn Beck getting hit by a bus.
• News that the new bailout money will go directly to the American people.
• And…Barack Obama agreeing to deport my old computer science teacher because he’s a dick.

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Tags: Bailout, Barack Obama, Bill O'Reilly, Captial Hill, Fox News, Inauguration, Nancy Pelosi, Rick Warren, Sean Hannity, Washington D.C
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