Just look at the shit she believes in:

Palin believes that a demonic figure speaking from within her refrigerator called her by the name “Zuul”, which is discovered to be the name of a demigod worshiped in 6000 BC by the Hittites, Mesopotamians, and Sumerians as a minion of Gozer, the shape-shifting god of destruction.

Dammit, my bad.  That’s from Ghostbusters.  Here’s what she believes in:

Palin believes that the spirits have left this life but have not gone into the “Light.” They are stuck in between dimensions, watching their loved ones grow up, but feeling alone. Piper was born in the house. Only 5 years old, he gives off his own life force that is as bright as the Light. It distracts and confuses the spirits, who think Piper is their salvation. Hence, they take him.

Goddammit, I did it again.  Where the hell is that article – fuck yeah.  Here it is:

Sarah Palin is, broadly speaking, in the emerging post-denominational movement, which by 2000 encompassed 385 million Christians and is vastly different from the faith as it has been practiced in recent centuries. We identified Palin as in a majority tendency of post-denominationalism known as the neo-charismatic movement, or the “Third Wave.”

Evangelical missionary reference work World Christian Trends calls the Third Wave “a new and disturbingly different” kind of Christianity whose members “can accurately be called radical Christians with some pentecostal /charismatic parallels” and which has, as one of the distinctive characteristics of Third Wave Christian ministry, a heavy emphasis on healing miracles including raising the dead—an emphasis promoted from the pulpit in sermons at Palin’s most central church, the Wasilla Assembly of God.

Man, 385 million people believe in this crazy shit, and that bitch is one of them?  She believes in healing miracles and raising the dead?  Does she believe in anything more retarded than this unbelievable shit?  Yes…yes she does:

We also found extensive evidence that Palin is in a religious movement founded in 2001 that has coalesced out of Third Wave Christianity; the New Apostolic Reformation (NAR).

The NAR is bent on radically reinventing Christianity, and is fast becoming the vanguard of the global Christian Right. Its leaders have openly declared that their aim of achieving worldwide biblical government and a utopian age in which evil—as an ontological category—has been banished by purging demon spirits and unbelievers from the earth.

What’s the New Apostolic Reformation?  Just your run-of-the-mill group that believes people need to be submissive to Church leaders, who are seen as ordained by God, and given power and authority by God to lead by serving.  No biggie.

Who the fuck am I kidding?  That’s some crazy shit.

How can any grown, educated person believe in this stupid fucking shit?  How is this any different from Islamic fundamentalist?  How can the Right-Wing defend this?  I mean, believing in a fictitious, all-knowing being who was killed and raised from the dead is one thing, but believing in this shit?  Really?

Fuck, I wish John McCain would’ve won the election, because I can see it now:

Sarah Palin would’ve “received a vision” from God telling her to poison John McCain’s prune juice, and ascend to the throne of the United States of America.  She would’ve done it, and then called a press conference to tell the world, “The war in Iraq is what God wants, and who am I to tell Him no?”  Then, after answering every question asked by Greta Van Susteren, she would’ve pressed the big red button, and nuked the everloving shit out of the Middle East – causing every fat, uneducated Republican piece of shit to cum in his and her pants.

Man, I can’t fucking wait till 2012.  It’s going to be awesome.  There’s going to be this crazy bitch, that lying bastard who doesn’t believe in monitoring natural disasters, and that stupid fuck who doesn’t care about education running for the Republican nominee.  And one of those crazy fucks will win.

Goddammit — my dick is getting hard just thinking about it…

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Tags: Bobby Jindal, Crazy Cunts, Mark Sanford, New Apostolic Reformation, Republicans, Sarah Palin, Third Wave Christianity
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You expect me to feel sorry for this guy?

Ernie Casillas lived the good life as he doled out millions of dollars in loans in California. The former banker drove fancy cars and took extravagant vacations.

But with the banking industry in crisis, his job is gone — as is his lavish lifestyle. Desperate for work, he recently swallowed his pride and posted a message on Craigslist: “Unemployed I need a job.”

Get the fuck out of here.  This fucking guy doesn’t deserve my sympathy.  He was a glorified bitch.  Look at his fucking job skills:

“I have over 20 years of experience in sales, telephone sales in a call center, customer service, administrative assistant, cash handling, teller, and many more skills and abilities. Great personality, very friendly, hard worker, very responsible,” it said. “I will be happy to e-mail you my resume. I need a job now. Please call my cell phone.”

A fucking retard can answer phone calls, count money, and suck enough dick to get a sale.  It’s fucking easy.  And how much did this dumb fuck make a year?

Casillas says, he was successful, making about $70,000 a year in the banking industry.

Jesus fucking Christ.  This cunt got paid 70,000 dollars a year  for answering a fucking phone and stroking off a couple of wealthy people? That’s more than teachers in South Carolina make in two years.  What the hell did he do with his money?

I was just living a very good life,” he said. “My daughter would ask me to take her to Las Vegas for her birthday, and we would stay at the most expensive hotels. Every year, this is what she wanted.”

Fuck me backwards.

He took his spoiled cunt of a daughter to Las Vegas every year for her birthday?  He was rewarding her for surviving a whole year by taking her to a city where the murder rate is 1.5 times higher than the national average?  What a fucking moron.   I’m glad this cock sucker is forced to live with his 75 year-old mother.  I’m glad his wife left him.  I’m glad he’s forced to cry himself to sleep each night.  Serves him right for acting like a rich business asshole.

But I don’t want to fucking read about him.

Instead of reading about pussified bank assholes and how bad they’re doing in this economy, I want to read about important shit.

Like how Sarah Palin is rejecting funds that would help teachers and special education, even though the stupid cunt has a retarded child.  Or how Mark Sanford is rejecting stimulus money for education and forcing South Carolina to cut 7,500 teaching jobs.  Or  how stupid Timothy Geithner’s plan is, and how fucked we are as a nation.  Or how AIG’s counterparties are getting paid back in full.  Or how fucking pathetic the American people are for doing nothing about this major ass fucking.

Of course I won’t read about any of these stories on CNN because they’re fucking worthless.  But they aren’t alone.  The entire Main Stream Media is fucking worthless.  Fox News, MSNBC, CNBC, The New York Post, The Washington Post, LA Times, Chicago Tribune, Newsweek, Time, and the Wall Street Journal are as useful as a homeless man’s cum stained boxers.

And do the American people care?  Hell no.  There too busy talking about the new iPhone’s copy and paste feature.

So I’m fucking glad this shit is happening.  I’m glad that AIG gets to hide behind their fucking “We have a contact” excuse when handing out millions of dollars to their executives.   I’m glad that Citigroup and Bank of American are going to need more taxpayer money.   I’m glad that Republicans and Democrats are having a dick waving contest over who is tougher on corruption.   I’m glad that we are sending more troops overseas to fight an unwinnable war.  I’m glad all this shit is happening because you fucking people are to goddamn lazy to get off your fat asses and do something.

And those stupid, gay ass tea parties don’t count.  I hope everybody who goes to those fucking things die from a toxic nerve gas attack – you stupid pussies.

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Tags: AIG, Bailout, CNN, Fox News, Fuck this stupid shit, MSNBC, Sarah Palin
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Sarah Palin is nothing more than stupid, whiny, worthless fucking cunt.

In a recent interview with conservative John Ziegler, Palin said both “exploited” her twelve-week candidacy — a fact, she said, that “says a great deal about our society.”

“I did see that Tina Fey was named entertainer of the year and Katie Couric’s ratings have risen,” Palin said in the interview. “I know that a lot of people are capitalizing on, oh I don’t know, perhaps some exploiting that was done via me, my family, my administration — that’s a little bit perplexing, but it also says a great deal about our society.”

You know what else says a great deal about our society?  When those who are elected into office abuse their power for personal gain.  Like when she got that stupid kid who couldn’t pull out of her daughter a job that he wasn’t qualified for.  Or when she told the police to hold off arresting his mother on federal drug charges until after the election so it wouldn’t look as bad.  Or when she used taxpayer money to pay for her fucking kids traveling expenses.

Will somebody please shove a dick in this woman’s mouth?  Please?  I’m getting sick of listening to her whine all the goddamn time.  If she wants to get mad at anyone it should be at her own fucking self.  All Tina Fey did was dress up like her and quote her word for fucking word.  And the only thing Katie Couric did was ask her some easy fucking questions.  I mean was it really that hard for her to say what newspapers she reads? Really?

So how is it their fault that she’s so fucking stupid that she gives every woman who wants to run for office a bad name?  She’s so fucking stupid that I couldn’t even watch that porn made about her because I knew that the porn star who was portraying her was better qualified for Vice-President than she was.

Jesus Christ I can’t wait till I turn on Fox News and hear Sean Hannity telling the world that Sarah Palin was killed in a meth lab explosion while getting gang banged by seven old Republican oil men.  It will be the only time my dick gets hard while watching Sean Hannity speak.

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Tags: Fox News, Katie Couric, Republican, Sarah Palin, Sean Hannity, Tina Fey
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How many dicks did this man have to suck to become the 25th United States Ambassador to the United Nations because he makes Sarah Palin’s baby look like a genius.

Yesterday, on Fox’s Hannity and Colmes, Iran war hawk John Bolton said that Israel’s recent bombing campaign in Gaza is all the more reason for the United States to bomb Iran now. “So while our focus obviously is on Gaza right now, this could turn out to be a much larger conflict,” he said, adding that “we’re looking at potentially a multi-front war here.”

How can he expect people to take him seriously with a mustache like that? Look at it.  It looks like someone took a gray, fuzzy shit on his face and he doesn’t have the balls to wipe it off.  No wonder he has been calling for war with Iran for so long now, he’s pissed that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has better facial hair than him.  Stupid bastard.

And why is it the only show that will speak to him is Hannity and Colmes?  Is it because everyone else knows how fucking stupid he is? Sorta like Sean Hannity….

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Tags: Fox News, Gaza, Iran, Israel, John Bolton, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Middle East, Sarah Palin, Sean Hannity, United States, United States Ambassador
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Role playing time. Let’s say you have a 17 year-old daughter and she runs to you crying because she just found out she’s pregnant.  After calming her down by punching her in the face several times because she didn’t make the guy wear a condom or at least pull out, you ask her who the father is and she tells you he’s an 18 year-old high school drop out who’s mom just got arrest on felony drug charges. What do you do?

If you’re Sarah Palin, you pop open a bottle of your favorite beer and celebrate.

The daughter of former vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin gave birth to a son this past weekend.

Bristol Palin, 18, gave birth to Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston on Saturday. He weighed 7 pounds, 7 ounces.

Sarah Palin and her husband, Todd, have five children ranging in age from son Trig, 7 months, to son Track, 19. In between are daughters Willow, 14; Piper, 7; and Bristol.

Why the fuck is Tripp spelled with two p’s?   Is that supposed to be cute?  Are they trying to make the name stand out? And why name him that?   Isn’t there enough people in the family who’s name begins with the letter T? Todd, Track, Trig, and now Tripp.  I’m at a loss of words on how fucking stupid those names are.

Goddamnit I hate babies.  People want to pretend like it’s a miracle when they are born but it isn’t. A dick threw up in a vagina.  That’s it.  Any retard can make a baby.  Watch the movie I Am Sam if you don’t believe me.

Fuck I’m so pissed right now.   Not at the baby.  I’m pretty sure if the baby knew he was going to be born to a 17 year-old mom and her 18 year-old high school drop out fuck buddy, he would have tried to strangle himself with the umbilical cord. No I’m pissed because retards are reproducing.

This is the beginning of the end folks…retards are fucking…Christ this blows….

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Tags: Alaska, Bristol Palin, Executive Branch, GILF, Government, High school, MILF, Red Neck, Sarah Palin, Tripp Easton Mitchell Johnston, United States
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Jesus just made the Christian Right cum in their pants.

Israel moved closer to invading Gaza, saying Thursday it had wrapped up preparations for a broad offensive after Palestinian militants fired about 100 rockets and mortar shells across the border in two days.

Fuck yea baby.  Jews versus Muslims.  Armageddon.  It’s about fucking time Pat Robinson, Jerry Falwell, Rob Parsley, John Hagee, Mike Huckabee, Glenn Beck, Bill O’Reilly, John McCain, George Bush, Sean Hannity, Dick Cheney, Sarah Palin, Ann Coulter, Rudy Giuliani, and Rush Limbaugh were right.

I want to see chaos.   I want to see Israelis soldiers beat the shit out of innocent Palestinians while suicidal Palestinians blow up innocent Israelis.  I want to see tanks and airplanes flying everywhere blowing shit up. I want to see houses burst into flames and bodies flying through the air.

Why?  Because I’m all for people blowing themselves up in the name of a peaceful, loving god.  Plus I want to see how the Right Wing will act.

I want to see them crowd around their brand new 47-inch LCD TV listening to whoever is on Fox News talk about how this is the end of the world. I want to see religious men struggle to run home with their pants around their ankles while they  masturbate so fast that their dicks start to smoke as they think about the destruction their God is doing.  I want to see female Sunday school teachers knuckle deep in their snatch as they get on their knees to tell God how proud they are of Him and ask Him to kill all those who don’t believe that He is the supreme ruler of the universe.

I want this to happen because I’m going to cum buckets when I see the look on a religious person’s face when he/she finally realize that their fucking God is a fake and they brought this stupid, fucking, petty war on themselves.

Then I hope they kill themselves because they’re worthless pieces of shit.  Stupid fucking cunts…

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Tags: Bill O'Reilly, Dick Cheney, Fox News, Israel, John McCain, Mike Huckabee, Palestinian, Rudy Giuliani, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, Sean Hannity
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Since it’s Jesus’ birthday, I thought I would share with you a list of people I hope die in an electrical fire as they sing O Come, All Ye Faithful.

Bill Clinton

Hillary Clinton

Sean Hannity

Alan Comes

Pope Benedict

Sarah Palin

Chris Berman

Kurt Herbstreit

Zac Efron

Stephenie Meyer

The creator, cast and crew of Grey’s Anatomy

My 5th grade teacher

The guy who fucked my girlfriend in 11th grade while I was in the other room

My 11th grade girlfriend

Everyone who works on Wall Street

George H. Bush

George W. Bush

Laura Bush

Nancy Reagan

Ronald Regan’s corpse

Rush Limbaugh

Bill O’Reilly

Everyone who works for the DEA

Miley Cyrus

Bill Ray Cyrus

The creators of Real World/Road Rules and Real World vs Road Rules

People on Facebook who update their status on Facebook with “it’s almost the weekend” when it is only Wednesday

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Tags: Bailout, Bill Clinton, Bill O'Reilly, Facebook, George H. Bush, George W. Bush, Grey's Anatomy, Hillary Clinton, History, Laura Bush, Miley Cryus, Ronald Reagan, Rush Limbaugh, Sarah Palin, Sean Hannity, United States, Wall Street
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