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Thank Zeus this only happens in Russia:

For the next ten years, millions of students in Texas and across the country will read history textbooks suggesting that the actions of witch-hunt instigator Joseph McCarthy were justified. They will read about religious icon John Calvin instead of Thomas Jefferson. They will read a description of the US government that includes the words “constitutional republic” but not the word “democratic.”

[...]

Texas buys so many of the country’s textbooks that publishers tailor their books to match its standards as closely as possible. As a Washington Monthly article stated, “When it comes to textbooks, what happens in Texas, rarely stays in Texas.”

In other words, students in Rhode Island and Texas could be reading about the Judeo-Christian influences of the nation’s Founding Fathers at the same time. But they won’t be reading about the rationale for a separation of church and state. That’s gone, too.

[...]

Most of those 10 people who support the changes describe themselves as Christian fundamentalists, including the board’s chairman Don McLeroy.

“All we are doing is reflecting what has actually happened in the country,” McLeroy said in a video available below. “Somebody has got to stand up the experts.”

Whoa, whoa, whoa. This is happening in America? Not communist, Marxist, socialist Russia? But America? And the people who decided this are self-described Christian fundamentalists?

My Shiva, someone please tell me this is a joke. Please tell me that children aren’t going to be taught that Joseph McCarthy was a hero, and that Ronald Reagan was the greatest president in the history of America.

Because I’m this close to ending it all by ingesting a marijuana, magic mushroom, LSD laced pound cake.

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Never forget 2/18.

Why? Because Texas is a rogue state filled with religious fanatics led by a crazy head of state, and they just committed a terrorist attack on a US government building:

AUSTIN, Texas – A software engineer furious with the Internal Revenue Service launched a suicide attack on the agency Thursday by crashing his small plane into an office building containing nearly 200 IRS employees, setting off a raging fire that sent workers running for their lives.

I say we invade Texas like we invaded Iraq. We give governor Rick Perry until Monday 4pm est to turn himself in. If he doesn’t then we shock and awe the fuck out of Austin by dropping so many bombs on the city that the city of Dresden becomes thankful Obama was president during WWII.

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Mom's watching the border

Knowing these people have got my back.

When her baby girl takes an afternoon nap, or on those nights when she just can’t sleep, Sarah Andrews, 32, tosses off her identity as a suburban stay-at-home mom and becomes something more exotic: a “virtual deputy” patrolling the U.S.-Mexico border.

From her house in a suburb of Rochester, New York, Andrews spends at least four hours a day watching a site called BlueServo.net.

I know I don’t get personal with my readers, all five of you, but I feel like divulging some information today.  I don’t sleep well.   I usually get two to four hours of sleep each night, and I’ve tried everything to get more.  I’ve tried sleeping pills, warm milk, no caffeine after five, no eating after five, reading the Bible, smoking a joint, reading the Bible while smoking a joint, choking myself, masturbating, choking myself while masturbating, and nothing works.

Why can’t I go to sleep?

Because I’m worried.   I’m worried about all the drug dealers crossing the US/Mexico border.  I’m worried about the gang violence that’s going on, and how thousands of people have been killed because of it.  I’m worried that my house will get shot at during a gang war, and I will lose my loved ones.  I’m worried that someone will kidnap my four year-old cousin, and force her into the sex trade , unless I give them 400, 000 dollars in unmarked bills.

I’m so worried about this, that all I can do is sit and stare into the cold, dark, starless night; while counting down the days until my town is overran by evil, dirty, vile drug dealers.

But not anymore.   Not with people like Sarah Andrews and Rob Abernethy motoring surveillance videos for me.  Not with the state of Texas spending two million dollars on security cameras set up along the border.   These brave, patriotic people are risking their lives to protect mine.

Now I can sleep, because I know these people are doing everything they can from the comfort of their home to protect me.  I know their index finger is ready to send an email to alert Texas authorities when something is wrong.  I know they don’t want anything bad to happen to me, and they are going to do everything in their power to watch the border.

Shit, I feel so safe that I’m going to take a nap, because goddammit – I know there are average Americans out there watching videos from a 2 million dollar web cam, and that makes me proud to be an American.

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Somebody give this man an award for being the greatest reporter alive. He is risking life and limb in order to give us ,the average viewer, a first hand look at Hurricane Ike. Why does he do it?  I’ll let him tell you in his own poetic way:

The reason why reporters do this, the people in the audience, the people at home, you want to know what the power of the storm could do to you, to yours, and your stuff.

Yes, I know when I’m fleeing a hurricane that will bring about death and destruction,  I sometimes wonder what it would be like to stand in the eye of that hurricane. Lucky for me I watch the greatest news show in the entire world, Fox News, and they answer my thoughts.  Or is it prayers?  Either way I get them answered.


Just a quick thought.  At the end of the tape when he brings out his “partner”, does anyone else feel some sexual tension?

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I bet John Hagee blames this on the gays

I bet John Hagee blames this on the gays

I can not wait till I the great pastor John Hagee blames Ike on the gays. He was right when he blamed the homosexuals for Katrina. I know God and if there is one thing he hates…butt fucking. He can hear everything. You know the sound of nails on a chalk board to us mere humans? Yeah…substitute nails with butt fucking and you know why God is against gays.

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