And here I was thinking they hated us because we unleashed thousands of Jersey Shore clones into the world:

Commanders in Afghanistan are bracing themselves for possible riots and public fury triggered by the publication of “trophy” photographs of US soldiers posing with the dead bodies of defenceless Afghan civilians they killed.

Senior officials at Nato’s International Security Assistance Force in Kabul have compared the pictures published by the German news weekly Der Spiegel to the images of US soldiers abusing prisoners in Abu Ghraib in Iraq which sparked waves of anti-US protests around the world.

[...]

In one incident in May last year, the article says, during a patrol, the team apprehended a mullah who was standing by the road and took him into a ditch where they made him kneel down.

The group’s leader, Staff Sergeant Calvin Gibbs, then allegedly threw a grenade at the man while an order was given for him to be shot.

Afterwards, Gibbs is described cutting off one of the man’s little fingers and removing a tooth.

[...]

In a statement, the army said it apologised for the distress caused by photographs “depicting actions repugnant to us as human beings and contrary to the standards and values of the United States”.

Holy fucking shit. These assholes tossed a grenade at an unarmed man, shot him in the head, cut off a finger, ripped out a tooth and the only thing the army can say is “Sorry”?

Why aren’t these assholes being held at the Marine Corps Base in Quantico, Virginia? Why aren’t they being held as a “maximum custody detainee” and held under a “Prevention of Injury” assignment? Why aren’t they being held in a 6 x 12 foot cell with no windows, a bed with no sheets and no pillow?

Oh that’s right, these guys only killed brown people for sport. They didn’t allegedly pass classified information to Wikileaks that embarrassed the government.

Silly me.

This was the first thing Google gave me when I searched "I'm Back Bitches".

I’m back, and better than ever. Okay, that’s a lie. I’m not better than ever. I’m better than the average Egyptian, but who isn’t? Right?

Right?

I had to fucking ask.

Guess what? This was considered illegal back in the 30's, 40's, 50's, 60's, 70's, 80's and 90's.

I mean, someone should be rotting in jail for this:

Self-proclaimed waterboarding fan Dick Cheney called it a no-brainer in a 2006 radio interview: Terror suspects should get a “a dunk in the water.” But recently released internal documents reveal the controversial “enhanced interrogation” practice was far more brutal on detainees than Cheney’s description sounds, and was administered with meticulous cruelty.

Interrogators pumped detainees full of so much water that the CIA turned to a special saline solution to minimize the risk of death, the documents show. The agency used a gurney “specially designed” to tilt backwards at a perfect angle to maximize the water entering the prisoner’s nose and mouth, intensifying the sense of choking – and to be lifted upright quickly in the event that a prisoner stopped breathing.

The documents also lay out, in chilling detail, exactly what should occur in each two-hour waterboarding “session.” Interrogators were instructed to start pouring water right after a detainee exhaled, to ensure he inhaled water, not air, in his next breath. They could use their hands to “dam the runoff” and prevent water from spilling out of a detainee’s mouth. They were allowed six separate 40-second “applications” of liquid in each two-hour session – and could dump water over a detainee’s nose and mouth for a total of 12 minutes a day. Finally, to keep detainees alive even if they inhaled their own vomit during a session – a not-uncommon side effect of waterboarding – the prisoners were kept on a liquid diet. The agency recommended Ensure Plus.

[...]

The doctors were also present to monitor the detainee “to ensure that he does not develop respiratory distress.” A leaked 2007 report from the International Committee of the Red Cross says that meant the detainee’s finger was fixed with a pulse oxymeter, a device that measures the oxygen saturation level in the blood during the procedure. Doctors like Allen say this would allow interrogators to push a detainee close to death – but help them from crossing the line. “It is measuring in real time the oxygen content in the blood second by second,” Allen explained about the pulse oxymeter. “It basically allows them to push these prisoners more to the edge. With that, you can keep going. This is calibration of harm by health professionals.”

[...]

The memo also contains a last, little-noticed paragraph that may be the most disturbing of all. It seems to say that the detainees subjected to waterboarding were also guinea pigs. The language is eerily reminiscent of the very reasons the Nuremberg Code was written in the first place. That paragraph reads as follows:

“NOTE: In order to best inform future medical judgments and recommendations, it is important that every application of the waterboard be thoroughly documented: how long each application (and the entire procedure) lasted, how much water was used in the process (realizing that much splashes off), how exactly the water was applied, if a seal was achieved, if the naso- or oropharynx was filled, what sort of volume was expelled, how long was the break between applications, and how the subject looked between each treatment.”

Only in America will you find a man sentenced to 35 years in jail for smoking pot, a man’s life sentence upheld by the Supreme Court because he didn’t pay a 120 dollar bill, and a man getting a lifetime job because he wrote memos approving torture.

But lets not kid ourselves. The reason why the torture debate is focused on waterboarding is because people don’t want to talk about genital mutilation, raping of children, raping of assholes with broken bottles, forced masturbation, threatening to kill children in front of their parents, and a whole bunch of other shit that would make Eli Roth cum in his silk boxers.

Waterboarding is just the tip of the iceberg. And it’s the only thing our government is willing to fess up too.

I bet he plays with himself while watching those “missing” CIA tapes:

On Sunday, Cheney pronounced himself “a big supporter of waterboarding,” a near-drowning technique that has been regarded as torture back to the Spanish Inquisition and that has long been treated by U.S. authorities as a serious war crime, such as when Japanese commanders were prosecuted for using it on American prisoners during World War II.

Cheney was unrepentant about his support for the technique. He answered with an emphatic “yes” when asked if he had opposed the Bush administration’s decision to suspend the use of waterboarding – after it was employed against three “high-value detainees” sometimes in repetitive sequences. He added that waterboarding should still be “on the table” today.

This man is the 21 century’s Stalin. A man who’s responsible for the destruction of millions of people’s lives. A man who jerks off to murder, torture, and rape while shitting on Habeas Corpus and The Constitution.

And he does it without a care in the world, because he knows nothing will happen to him. Nobody will arrest him and throw him in jail, because he’s rich, white, and powerful. And the people he’s fucked over are poor, brown, and weak.

Well, it’s official now: John Kiriakou, the former CIA operative who affirmed claims that waterboarding quickly unloosed the tongues of hard-core terrorists, says he didn’t know what he was talking about.

[...]

Now comes John Kiriakou, again, with a wholly different story. On the next-to-last page of a new memoir, The Reluctant Spy: My Secret Life in the CIA’s War on Terror (written with Michael Ruby), Kiriakou now rather off handedly admits that he basically made it all up.

“What I told Brian Ross in late 2007 was wrong on a couple counts,” he writes. “I suggested that Abu Zubaydah had lasted only thirty or thirty-five seconds during his waterboarding before he begged his interrogators to stop; after that, I said he opened up and gave the agency actionable intelligence.”

But never mind, he says now.

“I wasn’t there when the interrogation took place; instead, I relied on what I’d heard and read inside the agency at the time.”

So what, now you’re going to tell me the CIA lied about Iraq having weapons of mass destruction and that Nancy Pelosi was right when she said the CIA lied to her?

Oh goddamn it..

America, fuck yea!

At least according to the Supreme Court it is:

Today, the United States Supreme Court refused to review a lower court’s dismissal of a case brought by four British former detainees against Donald Rumsfeld and senior military officers for ordering torture and religious abuse at Guantánamo. The British detainees spent more than two years in Guantanamo and were repatriated to the U.K. in 2004.

The Obama administration had asked the court not to hear the case. By refusing to hear the case, the Court let stand an earlier opinion by the D.C. Circuit Court which found that the Religious Freedom Restoration Act, a statute that applies by its terms to all “persons” did not apply to detainees at Guantanamo, effectively ruling that the detainees are not persons at all for purposes of U.S. law. The lower court also dismissed the detainees’ claims under the Alien Tort Statute and the Geneva Conventions, finding defendants immune on the basis that “torture is a foreseeable consequence of the military’s detention of suspected enemy combatants.” Finally, the circuit court found that, even if torture and religious abuse were illegal, defendants were immune under the Constitution because they could not have reasonably known that detainees at Guantanamo had any Constitutional rights.

Translation: If you become an enemy combatant then you’re going to be tortured, and you can’t do a fucking thing about it.

So invading two countries on false pretenses, slaughtering hundreds of thousands of innocent civilians, increasing infant birth defects by 15 percent, and holding civilians for years without charges doesn’t endanger American soldiers, but releasing 21 torture pictures will?

Defense Secretary Robert Gates has blocked the public release of any more pictures of foreign detainees abused by their U.S. captors, saying their release would endanger American soldiers.

Jesus Christ Gates, do you think we’re that fucking stupid? We know that every person that lives in the Middle East wants to chop off an American soldier’s head and shit down his/her neck because of the damage they’re doing. Which means the release of these photos has nothing to do with endangering American soldiers’ lives, and has everything to do with covering up the war crimes our government has committed.

And you can’t let that happen, because then our government won’t be able to continue its favorite pastime: telling other countries they need to prosecute their citizens for war crimes.

That’s why you can’t release these pictures of our soldiers raping men, women, and children with broom sticks, gun barrels, and cocks. Because once the world sees those horrific pictures then our government would have to investigate.

And if there’s one thing our government hates it’s doing its fucking job.

If you had the chance to interview Dick Cheney after the IG Torture report came out, what would you ask him? Would you ask him how he felt about tarnishing the country’s image? Would you ask him how he felt about the hundreds of prisoners that died while in American custody? Would you ask him how scared he was about the possibility of becoming a war criminal?

If you’re Chris Wallace you don’t ask any of these hard-hitting questions. Instead you ask him these questions:

Why are you so concerned about the idea of one administration reviewing, investigating the actions of another one?

Do you think this was a political move not a law enforcement move?

The inspector general’s report which was just released from 2004 details some specific interrogations — mock executions, one of the detainees threatened with a handgun and with an electric drill, waterboarding Khalid Sheikh Mohammed 183 times. First of all, did you know that was going on?

So even these cases where they went beyond the specific legal authorization, you’re OK with it?

That’s right, instead of asking Dick Cheney about being the mastermind of America’s torture program, Chris Wallace decided to get on his knees and do his best Jenna Haze impression.

Of course Chris Wallace didn’t think he was being soft on Dick Cheney. I’m sure he thought he asked all the right questions. And I’m sure after the interview he went back to his room, turned on his TiVo, unzipped his pants and jerked off to Dick Cheney answering his tough questions.

Just like every white, redneck, stupid fucking American who thinks Dick Cheney is a true patriot.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLr_VyIwGTQ

Why aren’t any Americans doing stuff like this?

A former Justice Department official who wrote controversial memos authorizing the Bush administration to conduct torture was the object of a prank by an Australian comedian during one of his recent law class lectures.

John Yoo, a former deputy assistant attorney general who has faced intense criticism for authoring constitutionally-questionable memos justifying torture and the government’s warrantless wiretapping program, was confronted last week during a lecture he was giving on international law at Chapman University School of Law, a private school in Southern California.

After Yoo mentions the Constitution during his lecture, and asks the students if they have any questions, an Australian comedian from the show Chaser’s War on Everything is seen wearing a black-hooded robe and standing on top of his desk with his arms outstretched, recalling one of the most iconic images of U.S. torture captured in the now-infamous Abu Ghraib photos.

The comedian says, “Actually, professor, I’ve got one question. Uhm, how long can I be required to stand here ’til it counts as torture?”

Yoo cuts his lecture short and replies, “Unfortunately, I’m going to have to end class,” as he packs up his lecture notes.

As Yoo apologizes to the class for the interruption, the comedian replies, “If this is awkward for you, it’s very uncomfortable for me, I can tell you…. I’d love to move but every time I do my balls get buzzed.”

Goddammit, it’s a sad fucking day when an Australian flies halfway around the world to pull off this magnificent prank while John Yoo’s teaching, only to have the American students stand up and applaud the jerk-off who justified torture.

Because they have work to do.

The man charged with killing abortion provider Dr. George Tiller claimed Sunday that more violence is possible while the medical procedure is allowed to continue, giving his warning in calls that also focused on complaints about his treatment in jail.

This is it people. The ticking time bomb scenario. This man has information about future attacks on American citizens. We need this information, and we need it fast.

This is what we have to do: We need to strip Scott Roeder naked and force him into many stress positions. Then we need to keep him awake for 16 days. We also need to feed him at random hours so he loses track of time. Once the 16 hours are up, we need to bring in a group of untrained interrogators to question him.

If they don’t like his answers, then we need to take a Bible and flush it down the toilet, force him to masturbate in front of a couple of female soldiers, bring in seven German Shepherds and have them tear off pieces of his ass, force him to wear a dog collar and slam his head into a breakable wall, punch him in the face, slice his balls with a scalpel, and electrocute his balls with a car battery.

If he doesn’t give the interrogators creditable information about upcoming attacks on American soil, then we need to take off the gloves and bring in private contractors to waterboard him. And we can’t pussyfoot around like we did with Khalid Sheikh Mohammed. American lives are at stake and we need good goddamn answers.

What? We’re not going to use enhanced interrogation techniques on this fucker? Why the hell not?

Oh that’s right. We only use enhanced interrogation techniques on brown Muslim men in countries we illegally invade. We never use them on white Christian men in America. Even if they say more American doctors are going to be killed for following the law.

So, my mistake. I hope no one was offended by this. And I’ve got to be honest, I can’t wait until another doctor is killed by some crazy white Christian man. Because I  love reading how Christians condone it.