Because why else would he be doing this?

U.S. Rep. Mark Kirk will call for legislation Monday that would toughen drug trafficking laws regarding a highly-potent form of marijuana, with penalties of up to 25 years in prison for a 1st-time offense.

The law would target offenders who sell or distribute marijuana that has a THC content exceeding 15 percent, which is between 5 and 10 percent higher than average marijuana, according to Kirk’s office. THC, or tetrahydrocannabinol, is the main active ingredient in marijuana.

I like this law. I like the message it sends to drug dealers. It lets them know that we’re sick of losing the War on Drugs, and we will not stand around with our thumbs up our asses while they destroy our magnificent country one dime bag at a…I’m sorry, I can’t do this.

This  is a stupid fucking law. 25 years in jail for first time offenders? For selling a little bit of pot? Really? Shouldn’t this be for pot dealers that kill people or pot dealers that rape people or pot dealers that kill then rape people? I mean, isn’t this legislation a bit excessive?

What the fuck am I talking about? Of course it isn’t. It’s pot dealers that are destroying this country.

Because of pot dealers millions of Americans are out of work, homeless, and uninsured. Because of pot dealers thousands of American soldiers and hundreds of thousands of Iraqi citizens have been killed in a senseless war. Because of pot dealers companies with political connections are getting billions of American taxpayers’ dollars through no-bid contracts. Because of pot dealers the Federal Reserve can’t account for 9 trillion dollars. Because of pot dealers our government had to bailout Wall Street, take over GM, and torture detainees.

So I’m sorry Mr. Kirk. I forgot you are a man on a mission sent from God. Please continue to call for legislation that would make Stalin cream his pants. Because the sooner we get those sorry pot dealers in jail, the sooner our country and way of life will improve.

Update: Thanks Zirgar for pointing out how incredibly stupid Mark Kirk is.

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Tags: Congress, Iraq, Marijuana, Mark Kirk, This guy is a fucking moron, War on Drugs
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Because this asshat doesn’t know what the fuck he’s talking about. Drug use goes in waves? People have lost their lives to marijuana? What a fucking dickbag.

And thank god Tennessee Congressman Steve Cohen called Robert Mueller out on the gateway theory. I can’t stand that stupid fucking theory because we can apply it to anything. Hugs should be outlawed because rapist started out with hugs. Masturbation should be outlawed because gay people started out masturbating. Pets should be outlawed because serial killers start out by killing them.

Can we please start promoting people within government agencies who aren’t fucking retarded?

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Tags: FBI, Marijuana, Robert Mueller, Steve Cohen, War on Drugs
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We’re all fucked.

Health officials around the world worked to contain what appears to be a spreading swine flu outbreak early Monday, while one out of every five residents of Mexico’s most populous city wore masks to protect themselves against the virus.

Mexico seems to be the epicenter of the outbreak, where as many as 103 deaths are thought to have been caused by swine flu, the country’s health minister said. An additional 1,614 reported cases have been reported in the country.

So far, however, only 18 cases have been confirmed by laboratory tests in Mexico and reported to the World Health Organization.

The United States stepped up preparations for a possible epidemic of the virus after 20 cases were confirmed, and Canada announced its first cases of the virus Sunday — six mild cases.

How does this happen?  How does a deadly virus like this spread throughout the world when we’re living in the most medically advanced period in human history?  (I’m sure some people will say the Spanish flu happened during the most medically advanced period in human history, and those people can choke to death on a horse’s cock.)

I have a theory, and it doesn’t involve the Republicans slashing 900 million dollars from the stimulus budget for pandemic preparation.

But before I get to my theory, I need present the facts.

FACT:

On April 16, President Obama went down to Mexico to support the Mexican government in its fight against the drug cartels.  During a break at a press conference, the Mexican President Felipe Calderon leans over and whispers to Obama, “Come on Mr. President, just legalized the goddamn drugs so we can end this stupid fucking war.  For Christ’s sake, you fucking smoked weed.  How bad can it be?”

President Obama laughs and whispers back, “Naw man, I don’t do that anymore.  Besides, this drug war thingy is making a lot of powerful people extremely rich.  If I fuck with them, then they fuck with me and I can’t fucking have that.  But don’t worry about the drug cartels.  I’ve got a plan.”

FACT:

Felipe presses Obama for more information but doesn’t get any.  Felipe calls Obama a “stupid nigger” under his breath.

FACT:

On April 23 the Washington Post informs the public that the military “lost” a horse virus with a Spanish name.   Its symptoms include a mild flu-like illness but can also cause brain inflammation and death.

Now here’s my theory.

While Obama was getting a sloppy Mexican blow job from Felipe Calderon, a team of Navy Seals parachuted into a small Mexican village where the notorious Mexican drug lord Joaquin Guzman was rumored to be banging some 13-year-old girl.   The Seals administered the “lost” virus to the entire village through some sort of new C4-like explosion device and then left.  The virus takes between 3 to 7 days to infected its victim, giving Obama enough time to cum in  Felipe’s mouth and get home before Michelle suspects anything.

Obama then gives out the antidote to Texas, California, Kansas, Ohio, and New York since he knows people in those states will get infected.  After those states administer the antidote to the people who will get sick, Obama then will create a massive panic and will swiftly move to create an One World Government which will enslave humanity forever.

I’m just fucking with you.  There’s no way Barack Obama would use a chemical weapon to take out a drug lord in Mexico so he could create an one world government.  That’s just crazy.

Everybody knows this swine flu pandemic is just a globial cover-up for the impending zombie apocalypse.

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Tags: Barack Obama, Felipe Calderón, Mexico, Swine Flu, War on Drugs, We're all going to die
Comments (4)

I’m pretty sure you’re wrong on this one Hillary.

The United States shares the blame for Mexican drug trafficking and the attendant violence that has killed thousands in the past year alone, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton said Wednesday.

“Our insatiable demand for illegal drugs fuels the drug trade,” she said en route to Mexico City, according to pool reports.

I find it a little hypocritical that your stupid ass says something like this when you clearly used drugs when you were younger.  I mean Jesus Christ, look at that fucking picture of Bill and you.  Look at that goofy grin on your face.  And those glasses – you’re stoned out of your goddamn mind.

I guess since you’re the Secretary of State you have to say stupid shit like this.  But fuck you for trying to place the blame on us.

All the government has to do is legalize all drugs and this retarded problem goes away.  But no, the government can’t do that because it would mean they lost this stupid fucking war.  And if there’s one thing our government hates more than helping its citizens, it’s admitting defeat.  So if you’re looking for someone to blame about this goddamn problem, blame the fucking government.

Because of the government, we have the highest prison population in the world.  Because of the government, hardworking Americans are turned into criminals for smoking a goddamn plant.  Because of the government, Americans are forced to buy the buds of a beautiful plant from some creepy drug dealer instead of going to a local dispensary.  Because of the government, drug cartels are becoming more powerful.  Because of the government, we’re spending hundreds of billions of dollars we don’t have to fight a war we’re never going to win.

So fuck you, you creepy old bitch.  I’m about to go supply my local drug cartel by buying an ounce of the stickiest of the ickiest.  And I’m going to take a huge bong hit in your honor – you stupid whore.

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Tags: Bill Clintion, CNN, Hillary Clinton, Legalize the shit already, Marijuana, Mexico, War on Drugs
Comments (12)

…all because of some drugs.

As violence continues to grow in Juarez’s drug cartel war, government officials struggle to maintain peace in the region and in it’s borders.

Juárez police chief Roberto Orduña Cruz resigned Friday after the drug cartel killed six city police officers this week and threatened to kill more unless he left the force.

Well folks, I hate to tell you this but terrorism works.  You can’t stop people willing to kill others without remorse until they get their way.  You can’t compete with that.  You’re fucked unless you can find a way to stop their money supply.

But how can you do that?  How can you stop the money drug cartels use to buy guns, bullets, rocket launchers, grenades, policemen, judges, lawyers, and politicians?

Drug legalization.

That’s right you fucking pussies.  Legalize marijuana, cocaine, heroin, LSD, ecstasy, and mushrooms.  Every fucking drug the drug cartel sells should be legal.  If grown men and women want to fuck up their health, let ‘em.  How can we tell someone how bad snorting cocaine off the back of a stripper’s ass is for their health, when we allow people to smoke cigarettes and drink alcohol?

And why should we do this?

Because it takes money out of the drug cartels’ hands.  Why would someone pay a creepy old guy hiding in the back of an ally 90 dollars for a quarter of cannabis when they could go to a well-lit grocery store and buy it for 55? Plus, the government could make money by taxing it.  They could turn the nations largest cash crop into a multi-billion dollar industry that would help get us out of this recession/depression.

But it won’t happen.  Why?  Because the War on Drugs benefits rich white businessmen. State and federal prosecutors, trail lawyers, judges, private prisons, politicians, the DEA, the FBI, the CIA, state and local police.  To many people make money off of this war for legalization to help.

They will use the money they’ve stolen to lobby Congress and the White House for tougher drug laws while placing their people on all the major news stations and have them say, “If drugs are made legal, it will be the end of America.  People will be so high on PCP and crack cocaine that they’ll storm into your house and ass fuck your wife and daughter.  If you don’t have a wife and daughter, they’ll ass fuck you and your son.  They’ll ass fuck everybody in your goddamn house.  Not even your fucking pets’ buttholes are safe from the ass fucking that’s going to take place in this country if drugs are made legal.”

So I want this shit to continue.

I want the shootouts to spill over into Texas and catch those fucking Minutemen in the cross fire and kill ‘em.  I want the violence to spread into New Mexico, Arizona, Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Oklahoma, and Alabama.  I want people to cry out to the federal government for help but can’t get any because  our soldiers are to busy fighting overseas in a stupid fucking war.

I want all of this shit to happen and I hope I get to watch it on CNN, MSNBC, and Fox News while smoking out Juan…my new dealer…

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Tags: Christians, Drug Cartels, Fucking legalize it, Marijuana, Mexico, Politicians, War on Drugs
Comments (14)

I love the outrage over illegal immigration and how much money it’s costing America.

Where’s the outrage over the trillions of dollars being spent in a war that was started by falsified intelligence?  Where’s the outrage over the hundreds of billions of dollars being spent on a bailout for Wall Street?  Where’s the outrage over the forty billion dollars being spent each year on the colossal failure known as the War on Drugs?

It’ll never come because white people are the ones benefiting from it.  They’re about to get their ‘never been fucked over’ cherry popped by a brown cock they don’t want.

And…I love it.

Any race who has two movies about high school kids that sing become number one at the box office deserves to be the one getting fucked for a change.

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Tags: America, Box office, Grease, High school, High School Musical, Illegal immigration, Immigration, Wall Street, War on Drugs, White People
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Where the fuck is all this money coming from?

A $197m (£133m) aid package to help Mexico fight drugs cartels has been released by the US government.

It is part of the Merida Initiative, a $400m (£270m) scheme to assist Mexico’s efforts to take on the drugs trade.

US Ambassador Tony Garza formally unveiled the program, which includes the donation of helicopters and surveillance aircraft, in Mexico City.

Could someone explain to me why my fucking money is being spent on shit I don’t agree on?

Bailing out Wall Street, bailing out the auto industry and now funding Mexico’s ‘War on Drugs’. Why do I have to sign a stack of papers in order to shit in a cup for a job interview that I won’t get but the US government can snap its fingers and hand out 197 million dollars?

Do they think shit like this is supposed to scare me?

Mexican newspaper El Universal says at least 5,000 people have been killed in drugs-related violence this year.

The newspaper, which has been keeping tallies for the past four years, said that the number of people killed by organized crime was on course to be double the 2,700 deaths registered in 2007.

Deaths had been happening at an average of one an hour during the past 42 days, El Universal said.

Big fucking deal. Every minute two pussies kill themselves somewhere in the world but I don’t see our government dropping a billion dollars to prevent it. Yea you read me right, a BILLION FUCKING DOLLARS.

President Felipe Calderon, has long sought, and been promised, financial aid from Washington to try to defeat the traffickers.

The initiative is part of a $1.6bn (£1.1bn) US plan to help train and equip security forces and strengthen justice systems in Mexico, Central America and the Caribbean.

How fucking stupid are we? We give away 1.6 billion dollars to another country so they can fight a fictitious war that could easily be won by LEGALIZING drugs.

For all you pussies out there who think that I’m a stupid, lazy liberal, blow me.

Over half a million people in the United States die every year from tobacco and alcohol. I don’t see any of you screaming at the top of your lungs for our government to ban these substances, even though we tried to on alcohol in the 1920′s…how did that turn out again?

Fucking legalize drugs and TAX THE SHIT OUT OF THEM. Who cares if people overdose on drugs? As long as we make money off of them then fuck ‘em, let them choke on their own vomit.

Not only does this solution make us money but it also takes the power away from drug dealers. Why would Americans deal with evil drug dealers when they could go down to their friendly gas station for their drug of choice?

But this will never happen, it’s too simple a solution. Americans would rather spend billions of dollars on this stupid cause so they feel better about themselves.

Although three-fourths of these same Americans will die from lung cancer because of their constant chain smoking or will kill someone while driving home from the bar after one to many drinks with their friends…stupid fucking hypocrites…

…I hope every one of them die of a deadly case of herpes…

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Tags: Central America, Cocaine, Congress, Drunk driving, Federal government of the United States, Felipe Calderón, Illegal drug trade, Marijuana, Mexico, Mexico City, United States, US government, War on Drugs
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