I’m glad the Washington Post has America’s back.

For $25,000 to $250,000, The Washington Post is offering lobbyists and association executives off-the-record, nonconfrontational access to “those powerful few” — Obama administration officials, members of Congress, and the paper’s own reporters and editors.

Where would we be if the Washington Post didn’t look out for us? Who would ask our government officals tough questions like: “Why are we spending billions of dollars overseas when millions of Americans are going to bed hungry?” ,and “Why are we the only industrialized country in the world that doesn’t provide universal health care?” ,and “Why are we spending $1 billion dollars on an embassy in Islamabad?” ,and ”Why are taxpayers bailing out Wall Street CEOs when they’re the ones who created this mess? And for my follow up, why are those very same CEOs allowed high ranking government jobs?”

We would be up shit river without life jackets. This is why we need to bailout the newspaper industry. We need these journalist getting to the truth. Because if they don’t, who will?

Not you and me. We’re too busy. We’ve got full time jobs, and families to take care of. We’ve got ball games to watch and celebrity gossip to catch up on. We’ve got beers to drink and crappy reality shows to watch. Plus, we’ve got church on Sundays.

So keep up the good work Washington Post. Without you, we’d be fucked.

Side note: How cool would it be if we were allowed to use “off the record” like our government officials? We’d never get into trouble. We could tell that hot chick we banged last night, “Yeah, I had a great time last night too. But off the record, you might want to go see a doctor because I’ve got a serious case of herpes.” And we could tell our boss what we really think about him/her, “I love your new car boss. But off the record, I think a retarded child could run the company better than your fat ass. Plus, I raw dogged your daughter last night, so you might want to take her to the doctor because I’ve got massive warts on my dick.”

Goddammit, I picked the wrong career.

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Tags: All of this is off the record, Fuck the Media, Lobbyist, Washington Post, Whores
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Our government doesn’t like sex in America but they want to spread the love overseas.

In an effort to win over fickle warlords and chieftains in Afghanistan and get information from them, CIA officials are handing out Viagra pills in exchange for their cooperation, the Washington Post reports.

“Whatever it takes to make friends and influence people – whether it’s building a school or handing out Viagra,” an agency operative, speaking on the condition of anonymity, told the Post.

That’s right people, we have spent over one trillion dollars and sacrificed over 4,000 American lives so  men who can’t get it up in the Middle East can fuck.

Jesus Christ.

Do they really think this will help with the “War on Terror”?  Do they think those men are going to come together and say, “Guys, we might have been wrong about America.  They knew our dicks weren’t working and instead of taking away our heroin and forcing us to exercise, like they do to their own people, they’ve decided to give us a pill that allows us to stay hard up to four hours.  And it isn’t that cheap ass Cialis they’re always showing during Monday Night Football.  I say we just stop fight and start fucking.  Who’s with me?”

Our soldiers are fucked and you can except the number of their deaths to go up.  Why?  Because we’ve just told the entire world that the men we are fighting can’t get hard.  Do you have any idea how damaging that is to the male ego?  They are now the laughing stock of the world.

Plus this shows us how fucking stupid our government is.  They want us to believe that these evil, ruthless, godless men will someone how get a nuclear weapon on the black market and blow up a good portion of our great nation,  yet they don’t know where to go to get an erection pill?

Give me a fucking break.  Our “elected” officials are nothing more than  rich, arrogant, stupid, pussified, pieces of shit and they should be taken out back, skull fucked and shot at the base of the neck.

If there was a God this would happen but since there isn’t, I’ll settle for an underage sex sting…

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Tags: Afghanistan, Central Intelligence Agency, CIA, Elected Officals, India, Israel, Middle East, Nuclear weapon, Pakistan, Sildenafil, United States Government, Viagra, Washington Post
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