Dick Morris is a fat tool.

Thank you for enlightening us.

President Obama’s rhetoric last night summoned the memory of “1984,” George Orwell’s novel of a nightmarish future — where the slogan of the rulers is “War is peace; freedom is slavery; ignorance is strength.”

The president assures us that he will cut health-care spending . . . by adding $1 trillion to health-care spending.

He says that “health-care decisions will not be made by government” . . . while he sets up a new Federal Health Board to tell doctors what treatments they can offer and to whom and under what circumstances.

Obama told the media, “I will free doctors to make good health-care decisions” . . . by telling the physicians what to do.

The rest of Dick’s bullshit article is a rehash of the same old talking points: the elderly will be euthanize, medical treatments will be rationed, and the government will tell you which doctors to see.

(Except he throws in a sentence about TARP. I don’t know what the fuck TARP has to do with health care, but who am I to question Dick “Necks-are-overrated” Morris?)

Hey, you want to hear a cool story about Dick Morris? Okay, but first a little background information: in 1996 Dick Morris used to work for Bill Clinton’s re-election campaign when a story broke involving himself, a hooker, and a telephone call.

Still with me? Good.

So anyway, here’s the story: One day, in a cheap run down hotel, Dick Morris was banging a woman who gets paid for sex. Let’s call her Hooker. Well after Dick’s small dick finished coughing up its tiny white soliders on Hooker’s chest, he had a brilliant idea. He looks Hooker in her eyes and says, ” I’m about to call the President of the United States of America to discuss political strategy after you finish wiping off your chest. Now usually I do this alone since it’s highly classified, but I feel like we have a connection and I can trust you. So you can listen in, but only if you promise not to tell anyone, okay?” Of course Hooker couldn’t  keep her mouth shut, and poor Dick had to quit his lucrative job of telling Bill Clinton what to do.

Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking what the fuck does this story have to do with Dick Morris’s article on health care? And to be honest, this story has nothing to do with Dick Morris shitting on a health care system that would benifit millions of Americans.

But what this story does do is tell you something about Dick Morris’s character. It tells you how he is willing to jeopardize his reputation, his career, and his marriage in order to impress a fucking hooker. It tells you how he needs people to see how connected he is. And it tells you how fucked up our country is when a fat sack of shit like Dick Morris is able to influence the President of the United States and the country.

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